#*5k words later* ok that's the first part

[catboii]

.

[spaceshipellie]

we were never just friends

ellie williams x reader

part two (part one, part three, part four)

summary: modern!ellie, both in their mid twenties. ellie and reader have been friends for years, their friendship has always been somewhat flirty but nothing has ever happened. not yet anyway…

warnings: smut at the end (18+ mdni), reader cheating on her gf with ellie, fingering (r receiving), oral (e receiving), fluff (e+r), angst (r+gf)

author’s note: i was screaming and kicking my feet writing this it was too much hsjxkdndbfx i hope you enjoy ♡

word count: 5k approx

you could hear a banging. your head was smushed into the pillows and you were still half asleep. it took you a minute to come to and realise that the banging was knocking on your bedroom door. you groaned a sleepy “come in.”

ellie pushed the door open with two coffees in hand and came to sit on the end of your bed.

“morning.”

you mumbled a “morning” back as you rubbed your eyes and slowly sat up. you felt the duvet slip down and quickly remembered you went to bed only wearing panties last night.

“fuck,” your eyes widened and your hand slapped down on your chest to hold the covers in place, an embarrassed blush crept onto your cheeks.

“sorry, i didn’t see anything,” ellie laughed, handing you a coffee and chucking you a hoodie that was lying on the floor next to her feet.

“thanks,” you hugged the hot cup after pulling the hoodie on. you felt pretty hungover and dreaded to think what you looked like.

“why are you so chirpy this morning?”

“i’m not as much of a lightweight as you,” ellie smirked. you playfully rolled your eyes at her before checking your phone.

kate 🩵

8:39am

morning babe, how was your night? xx

you

9:02am

really fun thanks, did you wanna look at california plans today? xx

kate🩵

9:03am

aw good. yes, i can come over later xx

you

9:03am

come over whenever xx

you locked your phone and looked up to see ellie looking at you. she quickly averted her gaze to her hands holding the mug and started fidgeting with her silver rings. your eyes darted down to look at them too.

“what’re you doing today?”

“kate’s coming over later, we’re gonna look at booking a beach holiday in california somewhere,” you smiled, excited at the idea of lounging on a warm beach day in, day out.

“oh, nice. first holiday together?”

“yeah, pretty exciting.”

“yeah, very,” ellie half smiled, still playing with her rings. “how is she anyway? i haven’t seen her in ages.”

“she’s good, she works a lot so that’s probably why, but yeah good.”

there was a small pause before you spoke again.

“what about you? you been seeing anyone lately?”

her eyes snapped up to yours, smirking. “no, you’d know if i was.”

“i don’t know, you might have some secret double life i don’t know about.”

“actually yeah, it’s probably about time i told you,” she dramatically took in a breath, “i’ve been in a secret relationship with hayley williams for the past 6 years.”

“oh?”

“we’re actually married. that’s why we have the same last name.”

“i’m offended you didn’t invite me to the wedding.”

“it had to be private for…” she laughed and stammered, “top secret…security reasons?”

“too bad, i wish i was there to object.”

she leaned her body forward a bit. “what? for me?”

“no, for hayley williams you idiot.”

“right, right. makes sense,” her voice trailed off before she finally said, “ok, i better go. the band were really good last night.”

“yeah they were great! hopefully they’ll be there again,” you smiled up at her as she stood up to leave.

˚ · • . ° .

it was later in the day and you were sat on the sofa, feet propped up on the coffee table whilst kate sat next to you with her laptop open, browsing places to stay.

“ooh look at this one,” she said, turning her laptop towards you.

“oh my god it’s so beautiful, but probably too expensive for me.”

“well, we want to go somewhere nice though.”

“i know, of course, but something like this is just a bit too much out of my budget,” you said, feeling a bit embarrassed.

you knew kate made more money that you and was naturally more money orientated. of course, you were ambitious and cared about that sort of thing too, but you were more of a ‘rather be poor and happy than rich and sad’ person. kate on the other hand, was the opposite. you heard her sigh next to you and move her laptop back to keep scrolling.

“what?”

“nothing.”

“tell me,” you pried.

“it’s.. ah, it’s just that when i first brought up going to california you were so excited and now we’re actually looking at booking it, you keep saying no to things.”

you were a bit taken back. you didn’t think you were being negative about anything, you just genuinely couldn’t afford any of the options kate put in front of you. they were amazing but to put it bluntly, expensive as fuck. besides, anytime you put forward a suggestion, she found something wrong with it. it’s too far from town (meaning it was a 15 minute walk instead of 5), the beach looks boring, there’s not enough restaurants. you didn’t want to say anything, but it was starting to piss you off.

“i am excited. it’s just,” you sighed, “i just thought it mattered more that we had fun together, not having the fanciest hotel or whatever.”

“we’ll have fun, but i don’t want to go and stay in some shitty place.”

“i never said we should? we can still find a nice place.”

“then why do you keep saying no?”

“because i don’t have a bottomless pit of money?”

both your tones had shifted to annoyance. your body language had become more rigid and your brows were slightly furrowed.

“ok whatever,” kate sighed again, going back to her laptop, turning the screen as if she didn’t care if you could see it or not.

“no, sorry, why are you being weird with me?”

“i’m not being weird.”

you almost wanted to laugh.

“but, you are? you get mad at me for not having enough money and then just say ‘whatever,’ how does that help anything?”

she shut her laptop and turned to you.

“i don’t know what you want me to say, but maybe you need to start taking better care of your money or something so we can do things like this.”

“sorry, are you my fucking mother or something? i’m fine with money. sure, i have to save and budget and all that but who the fuck doesn’t?”

“i’m not trying to tell you what to do i’m just saying that it’s not a bad idea to think about earning more. it’s good to be ambitious, babe, and i know what you do doesn’t earn very much.”

she tried to put a hand on your knee but you shot up to your feet, starting to feel overwhelmed by how quickly this conversation had gone downhill.

“kate, you are literally telling me what to do. am i supposed to just sack my job in and do something i don’t care about just so that i can have more money?”

she looked up at you, a perplexed expression across her face. “why wouldn’t you want to get a bigger income?”

“it’s not tha–oh my god,” you felt like you needed to pace, adrenaline taking over you. “not everybody needs to be earning the biggest wage they possibly can, ok? don’t get me wrong, money is nice, i get that and i get that it’s very important to you, but i could never sacrifice my happiness for it, that’s just not me. i love what i do and you know that so don’t start trying to make me feel like it’s not good enough for you all of a sudden.”

she was silent for a moment, processing your rant. she looked away from you and you looked at her, trying to catch her eye again, anxiously waiting for her to say something.

“i gotta go.” she started shoving her laptop in her bag and stood up.

“what?”

“i think we need to take a minute before we look at this again, ok?”

you felt stupid. and you hated the fact that this made you feel stupid.

“ok,” you mumbled.

you stood there, dumbfounded. this was supposed to be a fun thing for you both to do together and before you’d even reached step one it had gone wrong. you understood that kate was a person who liked to climb the ladder and earn as much as she could and you were happy if that’s how she wanted to live her life. however, she couldn’t seem to accept the fact that you’re not like that. you enjoyed your job and admittedly, you weren’t anything close to rich but who cares? you enjoyed your life and that’s all that matters.

instead of sitting around feeling crap about yourself you decided to call ellie. it didn’t take long for her to pick up.

“hey.”

“hey.”

“everything alright?”

“yeah yeah, i just, um, what are you doing?”

“you ok? you sound upset.”

“no no, i’m fine els, i just…” you felt silly that you were nearly in tears right now but you couldn’t help it.

“are you at home? want me to come over?”

“only if you’re not busy.”

“i’ll be there in 10,” she practically cut you off.

“oh, ok. see you in a bit. thank you.”

“see you in a bit.” and she hung up.

you let out a shaky breath before deciding to wash your face and freshen up before ellie got to yours, not wanting to end up sobbing in front of her. sure enough, she was at your place in 10 minutes and when you opened the door she gave you a sympathetic look and pulled you in for a hug.

“what wrong?”

“it’s stupid.” your voice was muffled by her shoulder.

“i’m sure it’s not,” she said, pulling away and dragging you to sit down. you both sat facing each other, sideways on the sofa, one leg bent and the other hanging of the edge. she looked at you, waiting for you to speak.

“kate and i got into a fight about money and it just really pissed me off.”

“what did she say?”

“she was saying i need to be better with money and that i should earn more and all this bullshit. we were trying to book a hotel and we just couldn’t agree on anything so she just decided to leave and fuck,” you groaned, “it just wound me up.”

ellie listened intently, pausing before speaking to let you finish.

“what a fucking asshole.”

“ellie!” you slapped her leg lightly, trying not to smile. she laughed.

“what? it’s true. that’s a fucked up thing to say.”

“yeah,” your voice was quiet. she ran a hand through her hair.

“i mean who the fuck cares where you stay, more important to just be together, you know?”

“that’s what i said.”

you looked at her and you were both silent for a moment, the overwhelming cloud you felt before starting to evaporate.

“so, what are you gonna do?”

“i don’t know,” you sighed, “we’ll still do it, it was just a stupid fight but i guess we’ll have to compromise.”

ellie just nodded, puffing out her cheeks slightly.

“i hope i didn’t drag you away from anything.”

“aw no,” she waved her hand in dismissal, “was just at jesse’s.”

“no, ellie, i said don’t bother if you’re busy!”

“it’s fine, honestly. he understands and i didn’t want you to be upset.”

“you’re so sweet.”

“am not.”

“you so are.”

“i’m not sweet.” she hoped you couldn’t see her cheeks flushing pink. you could.

“you’re the sweetest to me.”

“ok, yeah, i mean,” she stumbled over her words, “i can be, but only for you.”

“see?” you grinned, putting your hands either side of her face and squeezing slightly. a breath got caught in her throat at you touching her. you let your hands fall down, landing on her knees.

“so,” you started, “you wanna make me feel better by letting me beat you at mario kart?”

˚ · • . ° .

two hours had passed of you and ellie sat on your floor, backs against the sofa, playing video games. kate hadn’t messaged or called. you hadn’t either, but honestly, you didn’t really know what to say. you were still a bit annoyed and wished she would apologise before you just let it slide. your mood had definitely improved though by having ellie around. you were scrolling through your phone whilst ellie was in the bathroom when a notification popped up from your groupchat with her and dina.

dina

4:47pm

bitchesss guess what

freya’s lakeside cabin is free next weekend and she’s invited you guys and kate to come with us

for free! it’ll just be food etc we need to buy

you

4:48pm

omg YES

tell freya thank you and i love her!!!

i’ll ask kate later

ellie

4:49pm

the perfect slasher movie location

sounds cool i’m in

dina

4:49pm

good! i’ll let you know more soon

ellie then emerged from the bathroom and sat back beside you. you looked at her like a kid in a sweet shop.

“how fucking cool is that!”

“i know, gonna be fun. typical that i’m fifth wheeling though,” she joked.

“oh you won’t be, dina and freya aren’t like that and me and kate are–“ you stopped yourself, “well, let’s see if she even comes.”

˚ · • . ° .

she didn’t. kate was working. which was fine, you thought. it was short notice and things were still awkward between you two. you felt terrible for it but you were kind of glad that it was just going to be the four of you. that way, considering everything recently, you knew it would be fun and stress free.

you could also do with a break from the strain of booking this california trip. in the end, you had booked a place. it was still too expensive for you really but you were getting tired of going back and forth, plus a compromise of some kind needed to be made and you were trying to be positive about it and not fuck it up further. after all, you were still looking forward to going away with your girlfriend for the first time and assumed that this dispute would soon blow over.

you lugged your bags out of the boot of freya’s car and followed everyone up to the front door of the cabin. you were surrounded by a huge lake, a dense forest and fields that spread themselves out for miles. was it the perfect location for a horror? yes it was, but you were going to have the best time here, you could tell.

“this is so fucking cool,” ellie said.

“thanks, it’s my sister’s and her husband’s technically but they let me use it a lot,” freya said.

she was a sweet girl, really kind and easy to get on with. dina had only been dating her for about 3 months but they were really cute together.

“thank you for inviting us,” you said.

“oh no problem, i’m glad you could make it.”

as freya held the door open for you all to walk through, she asked if you wanted her to give you a tour and show you where your rooms would be. thinking it was easiest to do that first you said yes.

the cabin was nothing short of stunning with its wooden beamed ceilings and open fire place. it also had a fire pit outside near the lake which you hoped you’d get to use. after being shown the bedrooms you dumped your stuff in yours. ellie’s was opposite and dina and freya were in the master bedroom a bit further down the hall. you sent kate a quick message to say you’d arrived safely and started unpacking things like your face wash and toothbrush. you didn’t bother unpacking your clothes seeing as you were only here for two nights. you heard talking downstairs so left your room to join them.

“what did you guys wanna do first?” freya asked you all.

“i really want to go swimming in the lake,” dina suggested, “if you guys are up for that.”

“yeah sounds fun.” you looked at ellie.

“yeah sure.”

you went back upstairs to change into a bikini and also grabbed a towel, some shorts and a baggy t-shirt to throw on after. joining the others downstairs, dina and freya already nearly out the door, you couldn’t help but look at ellie. she was wearing loose shorts and a sports bra style bikini top.

“you’ve got a new tattoo,” you said, touching her upper arm softly as you looked at it.

“got it a couple months ago,” she watched your face.

“you’re so secretive.”

she just laughed and shrugged, muttering “come on,” before holding the door open for you.

it was late in the afternoon and the sun was still warm but not too hot, and you still had a couple hours left of daylight.

shrieks met your ears as dina and freya jumped off the edge of the little wooden platform into the water. you put your stuff down on a chair round the fire pit, where they’d put theirs and ran excitedly to the edge.

“you jumping in?” you said, turning to ellie.

“maybe.”

“if you don’t, i’ll push you,” you teased, grabbing her shoulders. she laughed and her hands flew to yours, scrambling to grab them to prevent you from pushing her off the edge.

“don’t you fucking dare.”

“i will.”

“i know you will.” her body twisted trying to grab your wrists, fighting against you pushing. she tried to ignore how your boobs pressed into her. before you knew it, you were falling and crashing into the cool water. you came back up, flapping your arms and rubbing water out of your eyes screaming, “ellie!”

she was still standing on the edge, hand over her mouth, doubling over in laughter.

“i’m sorry!”

“no, you’re not.”

“no, i’m not.”

you could hear dina and freya laughing in the background which made you turn. a huge splash of water suddenly came over your head as ellie jumped in.

“fucking hell, are you trying to drown me?”

“yes.”

“charming.”

you could see dina and freya kissing so you made an ‘oop’ face at ellie and you both laughed. the sun was really bringing out her freckles. she’d always get weird if you ever called her pretty, but it was only the truth. she was pretty, and you’d always thought so.

the four of you swam around leisurely, talking about this and that for a while before deciding to get out. it was starting to get dark so freya turned on the outdoor fairy lights that were draped in a tree near the fire pit.

you all took turns using the downstairs shower and grabbed a couple of beers before sitting around the fire you had started.

“so, anyone got any ghost stories to tell?” dina joked.

˚ · • . ° .

you all talked for what felt like forever, laughing until your stomachs ached. the conversation now had seemed to split off though into you and ellie, whilst dina and freya giggled and blushed, dina’s legs thrown over freya’s lap.

“ok well… we’re gonna go to bed,” dina said, grabbing freya’s hand. you could see them smiling into kisses as they reached the front door.

“oh! young love,” you declared jokingly and ellie laughed.

“you wish kate was here?” she asked.

you paused, thinking.

“things are still a bit awkward between us, is it bad that i’m kind of glad she isn’t?”

you toyed nervously with the hair tie on your wrist. ellie shifted in her seat, mouth moving as if to speak but stopping herself, thinking of something better to say.

“if you’re happy then i don’t think it’s a bad thing.”

you smiled at her. her eyes bore into you and she almost looked nervous, her hands fidgeting with her rings.

“i am happy right now,” you voiced.

“good.”

there was a moment of peaceful silence between you before you suddenly jumped up and grabbed her hand. she looked up at you, waiting.

“look at the stars with me? seeing as we’re here.”

her eyes softened, a doting smile covering her face as you both laid down on the ground, staring up at the dark night sky.

“it’s beautiful,” you whispered.

“it is.”

“we should go.”

“where? to space?”

“no, to starbucks,” you quipped, “yes to space!”

she turned her head to look at you, looking at the sky. she admired the glint in your eye and the way your cheeks looked when you smiled. her voice was hushed and soft.

“i’ll take you.”

you turned your head to look at her.

“how will we get there?”

“i’ll build us a spaceship.”

“oh with your excellent handyman skills?”

“yeah,” she laughed, “with my excellent handyman skills.”

“can it have a mirrorball inside? ooh and a record player and–and a mini bar.”

she laughed at your ridiculous requests for this hypothetical spaceship.

“it can have whatever you want.”

she bit her lip. your smiles faded as you looked at each other, taking in each other’s features under the dim moonlight. maybe that one beer had hit you too hard or maybe it was just the atmosphere of being at a lakeside cabin, but you couldn’t ignore the way your stomach flipped as ellie looked at you.

“well,” your voice accidentally came out a bit shaky, “it sounds almost too good to be true.”

she propped herself up on her forearm, now looking down at you as she laid on her side.

“does it?”

you slowly nodded your head and your eyes must have darted between her eyes and her lips because she leaned in, as if to test what you would do.

you shocked yourself when you lifted your head slightly, causing your noses to graze each other. your lips then ghosted over each other for a moment, both unsure if you should keep going. your brain felt foggy and you couldn’t think about anything else but her.

then, just as you thought you must have blacked out and were dreaming, she pressed a soft kiss to your lips and your body melted into the ground. it was sweet and delicate. her hand came up to hold the side of your face and yours held onto her arm. everything felt right and your earlier statement still held it’s truth, you were so happy but—

“oh my god,” you freaked, gripping her shoulder. not to push her completely away, just enough to stop the kiss.

“what am i doing?” you brought your other hand to your lips, touching them.

“fuck, i’m sorry,” ellie sighed and she moved off of you.

“no, i’m sorry. i’m the one with–“ you quickly sat up, feeling a wave of anxious nausea.

“i’m the one with a girlfriend.”

she sat up next to you, arms resting on her bent knees.

your brain was going a million miles per hour trying to process everything. one, you had just kissed your best friend, two, you had just cheated on your girlfriend and three, you had just fucking kissed your best friend! ellie! the girl you’d been close to for years and nothing had ever happened. the girl who knew you better than anyone else, warts and all. the girl who a part of you wished was still kissing you.

“let’s just forget it happened,” she sounded defeated but she was probably right.

“yeah, yeah ok,” you agreed, trying to convince yourself that this was fine, “maybe we should just go to bed.”

she nodded and you both stood up, brushing some grass off of your ass before you both slumped towards the cabin.

“after you,” she mumbled, opening the front door. you whispered a thanks before you both ascended the stairs, trying to be quiet so you didn’t disturb dina and freya. you reached your doors, which were directly opposite each other. you looked at each other for a moment before you awkwardly poked her in the arm.

“ok then… night, ellie.”

you turned to open your door but suddenly felt a hand grip your arm. the pull forced you to spin around to face her, her other hand catching your waist and pinning your body to hers.

her hasty lips caught yours in another kiss, your hands flew to her hair and shoulders. this kiss was a far cry from the sweet one you shared outside. it was hungry and frantic.

you broke for air, foreheads pressed together, hands still holding each other close.

“let’s not think about it,” she said breathlessly. you couldn’t think anyway. you just nodded your head and pulled her into another open mouthed kiss.

she felt for your bedroom door handle behind you and pushed you into the room, immediately collapsing on the bed. the room was only illuminated by the moonlight coming in through the window. her body weight pressed into you as she deepened the kiss.

eagerly, she started unzipping your shorts making you buck your hips up. she shoved them back down with her hand forcefully and resumed pulling your shorts off. you blushed in embarrassment at how wet you already were and her finger tips fluttered at the waistband of your underwear.

“can i touch you?” she asked, her voice low.

“please.”

she wasted no time in bringing a finger down to press on your clothed clit. you moaned loudly, suddenly slapping a hand over your mouth.

“you gotta be quiet, baby.”

you frantically nodded, desperate for her to continue. she could feel the wet patch you had made and smirked to herself, pulling your underwear to the side and glided her middle finger through your slick folds.

“so fucking wet already,” she groaned. her finger collected your wetness before making slow, barely there circles on your clit.

“who is that for?” fuck you, you thought.

“y-you, ellie.”

her touch on your clit was so light it was making your body jolt at the sensitivity. your lips were parted and hers were ghosting over them, refusing any attempts you made at chasing a kiss.

she suddenly slid two fingers deep into you, restricting your moan with a hard, sloppy kiss. she moved them in and out a few times before curling them and hitting that spot over and over.

you whimpered when you felt her hand suddenly disappear but all she was doing was impatiently yanking your underwear off, muttering a “fuck” under her breath, before resuming her relentless pace.

she kissed you again to keep you quiet, as she quickly pulled her fingers out to rub circles on your clit and giving it a few taps before slipping them back inside.

your hands didn’t know what to do with themselves so with her free hand she grabbed one of your wrists and pinned it against the bed next to your head, using that along with her knees to hold herself up.

“oh fuck,” you cried.

“shh shh shh, i got you.”

your head was digging so hard into the pillow and you could feel yourself about to come. ellie could too by the way you clenched tightly around her.

“you gonna come, baby?”

you stumbled out a “yes” and lifted your head, begging for a messy kiss whilst she fucked you through your orgasm.

when you let out a soft sigh and your body relaxed, she kissed you on the forehead and slowly pulled her fingers out.

you looked up at her, feeling exhausted and in awe of the sight above you. you honestly felt drunk, even though you weren’t. she lifted her cum coated fingers up near your face and looked at them, not being able to decide whether she wanted to put them in her mouth or yours. you answered for her by taking her hand and swirling your tongue around her fingertips, before sucking them in completely.

“fuck,” her voice was quiet and husky, intoxicated by the way your pretty lips wrapped around her fingers. your eyes looking up at her at the same time nearly made her come in her boxers.

she was so mesmerised by you she didn’t even realise at first that you were sitting up, letting her fingers go with a pop, and shifting so that you were on top of her.

once her back hit the bed her hands went to your hips as you straddled her lap.

you pulled your t-shirt off, leaving you completely naked whilst she was still fully clothed. she practically gulped at the sight of your tits now on full display, a giddy smirk creeping onto her face. you trailed your hand down to the neckline of her t-shirt and tugged it. she got the message and took it off, throwing it across the room, not allowing her eyes to leave you for a second. your fingers traced over her nipple and down her stomach for a second making her flinch. you smiled to yourself and leant down to kiss her. her hands caressed your hips as you left kisses down her neck and then her stomach.

once you reached the waistband of her shorts you paused and looked up at her.

“can i?”

she nodded and you pulled her shorts and boxers down in one go, nestling yourself between her legs. you pushed her legs apart and licked a line up her cunt. she was also completely soaking, your tongue collecting the sweet taste when you started swirling it around her clit.

she grunted, gripping your hair in one hand. you worked your tongue around until she was basically shoving your head deeper into her.

“you taste so fucking good.”

she couldn’t help but grind herself against your tongue. but then you slipped a finger in and she was gone.

“oh god.” her voice was quiet and shaky.

you didn’t move your finger in and out, just curled and flicked it slowly whilst you continued assaulting her clit. soon enough she was gripping your hair tighter and coming on your tongue. she quickly pulled you up by your hair and slammed you into a kiss.

her hands grabbed your waist and she turned you both and pinned you to the bed again. she supported her weight on her forearms and looked down at you. you both stared at each other for a moment, slightly panting before you both burst out laughing.

she quickly put a finger on your lips and your hands flapped trying to cover her mouth as you both shushed each other.

she rolled off of you and laid on her back. you both slowly turned your heads to each other, again trying to stifle a laugh.

“what the fuck have we done?”

♡♡♡♡♡♡

tag list: @ximtiredx @mattm1964 @robinismywifee @gold-dustwomxn

an: sooo the hallway kiss was inspired by nick and jess in new girl… let me know what you think of this part!! 💜

[chelseachilly]

the easy silence that you make for me

pairing: reader x ben chilwell summary: you’ve been struggling with anxiety due to stress at work recently, and you refuse to let ben see it until he flies you out to mykonos for the weekend and you can’t keep it in anymore (fluff + light angst) warnings: mentions of an anxiety attack word count: 5k

author’s note: thanks to the anon who requested this, it was nice to write something quick (which ended up being 5k lmao) before embarking on my next ben multi-chap! if anyone has any more concept/one-shot requests for ben in the meantime feel free to send them my way 🥰

-

After an exhausting season for Chelsea and a particularly difficult one for Ben with his second major injury in two years and missing the World Cup, you know badly he’s in need of a holiday.

When he tells you of his travel plans with the boys for the beginning of summer, a part of you feels relieved that he’s going to finally get the chance to unwind with his mates and leave the past year behind him.

Another part of you, though, is dreading him being away.

You haven’t wanted to bother Ben with it, as he’s had enough of his own stuff going on, but work has been kicking your arse lately. You got promoted recently and although it seemed great at first, it’s more responsibility than you anticipated and much more stress.

The only solace you’ve found during this time has been in Ben. Although you haven’t let him see how much you’re struggling, just his presence is incredibly comforting to you. To come home after a long, terrible day and find him standing in the kitchen making you dinner in his underwear, a bright smile on his face when he sees you, is all the remedy you need.

The moment he leaves for Spain, you feel your mental health start to decline. You know you can’t be with him all the time, and you’ve certainly dealt with separations before when he was away on international break, but this is by far the hardest one yet.

Ben texts you constantly throughout the trip, updating you on the fun he’s having with the boys at the F1 and telling you how much he wishes you were there with him. Obviously, you can’t take weeks off to follow him around Europe, as much as you wish you could.

You struggle more and more as the first two weeks of his time away comes to an end. The days are long, as you work yourself to the bone and come home completely exhausted, but the nights are even harder as you find it increasingly difficult to fall asleep without Ben next to you.

One night, when you know for a fact that Ben is chilling with the boys at the house they’ve rented in Mykonos as you’re tossing and turning in bed, you admit defeat and reach for your phone to text him. It’s a couple hours later there, but they’re probably still up.

You Hey, are you still awake? x

Ben ❤️ Yeah, what’s up baby? Everything ok?

You Just having trouble sleeping

Your phone starts ringing within seconds, and you accept Ben’s call right away.

“Hi,” you mumble quietly into the phone, sitting up a bit in bed.

“Are you alright, love?” Ben asks you, his voice full of concern.

“I’m fine,” you say quickly, snuggling into the pillow that still smells a bit like him. “I just miss you.”

It’s not the entire truth, but you know it’s all you can say to him without him booking a flight home to you this instant and abandoning his holiday, so you leave it at that.

“Oh, babe, I miss you too,” Ben sighs. “One more week, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you agree halfheartedly, though that feels like centuries right now.

“Are you really okay?” Ben asks worriedly. “Because I can come home-“

“No way, Ben,” you cut him off. “You’re not coming home early for me, I won’t allow it.”

“But-“

“I’m fine, I swear,” you lie. “I just needed to hear your voice for a bit.”

That part is true - Ben’s soft, soothing voice is like music to your ears, making you feel more relaxed already.

There are muffled voices on the other end for a moment, and then Ben speaks again.

“Why don’t you fly out after work tomorrow and spend the weekend here?”

Although the thought of being in Ben’s arms less than 24 hours from now is incredibly appealing, you can’t help but feel hesitant.

For one thing, you don’t want to spend the money on a last-minute flight, and though you know Ben will offer to pay for it, you don’t like how much money he spends on you as it is.

You also feel a bit weird crashing his boys trip, knowing that none of the other guys’ girlfriends are there at the moment and you would be the only one.

When you voice these concerns to Ben, however, he won’t hear it.

“Babe, don’t be silly, we’d love to have you. I just asked the boys and they all agreed,” he insists. “And I’m getting you a flight right now-“

“Ben, I-“

“Look, I miss you like crazy too, so it’s more of a gift for me than anything else,” he tells you. “We’ll just have a nice relaxing weekend and you’ll be back at work for Monday. Please, Y/N?”

You pause for a moment, but you know you’re incapable of saying no to him, especially when you miss him this badly and are struggling so much.

“Alright, I’ll come,” you say with a small smile.

“Yes! I can’t wait to see you,” Ben responds, and you can hear his grin through the phone. “I’ll send you the flight details and pick you up at the airport when you get here. Just try to get some sleep now, okay?”

The thought of being able to fall asleep in his arms tomorrow is just enough to be able to lull you to rest tonight, so after exchanging “I love you”s you bid him goodnight and close your eyes.

-

The next day, your anxiety persists as you hurry to finish up your work responsibilities so that you can make your flight on time.

Unfortunately, a last-minute emergency (which there seem to be a lot of these days) at the office means that you have to scramble to get out of there on time to get home, pack, and make your way to the airport.

Your stress dissipates a bit as you settle in for the flight, enjoying the comfy first class seat Ben got you and a couple glasses of champagne. Most importantly, you remind yourself that you’ll soon be by Ben’s side and everything will be right in your world again.

By the time you land on Mykonos, you’re already feeling a bit better, but it’s nothing compared to when you see your boyfriend for the first time in two weeks.

He’s standing in the arrivals area, wearing a simple black t-shirt and shorts with his blue Nikes. He’s slightly tan, his hair is a bit tousled, and he looks more relaxed than you’ve seen him all year. He also looks incredibly attractive to you right now (even more so than usual) which could be his whole holiday vibe or the fact that you haven’t seen him in weeks - or both.

The moment he sees you, his bright blue-green eyes that rival the colour of the sea you just flew over light up and his face stretches into a smile.

He jogs over to you with open arms and you meet him halfway, dropping your bag to throw your arms around him and hug him tightly.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Ben mumbles into your hair as he hugs you just as close, briefly lifting your feet off the ground. “God, I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” you sigh into his neck, pressing a few quick kisses there. “So much, Ben.”

You could almost cry from the relief of being held by him, his hand rubbing circles on your lower back and the scent of his aftershave as you breathe him in making your worries melt away.

When Ben tries to pull back a bit and you reflexively cling to him tighter, not ready to let him go, he just tightens his grip on you and presses a kiss to your temple.

“Is everything okay, love?” he whispers near your ear, sending a shiver down your spine.

Of course, after a couple of years together, Ben is able to read you pretty easily. Between your phone call last night and the way you’re clinging to him like a lifeline right now, it’s fairly obvious that something is up with you.

“Yeah, I’m good,” you say to him, grateful your face is still buried in his neck so he can’t tell you’re lying.

You aren’t all good, but you are better than you’ve been since he left, and you aren’t going to waste your weekend together before another week and a half apart. There’s still a pit of anxiety in your stomach, but you’re determined to not let that ruin your time with him or his holiday.

To prove your point, you pull back from him and take his face in your hands, admiring him for a moment before pulling him in for a long kiss.

He sighs into your mouth and grips your waist tighter as you kiss him, both of you wanting it to escalate more than you reasonably can in the middle of an airport.

When you pull away, resting your forehead against his for a moment, you think the kiss may have erased Ben’s previous concern from his mind, but no such luck.

“You promise you’re alright?” Ben murmurs, cupping your face and brushing your cheek with his thumb. “I was worried about you last night.”

Your heart swells with affection for a moment at his gentle concern, but then you remember this is the last thing you want - Ben should be relaxing, not worrying about you.

“I promise, babe,” you say with another gentle peck to his lips. “I was just missing you, but I’m good now. Perfect, actually.”

Ben nods, though he still looks slightly unconvinced. He does drop the subject though, at least for now.

Grabbing your bag in one hand and your hand in the other, Ben leads you out of the airport to the car that’s waiting to take you back to the house.

You can tell how much lighter he seems than the last time you saw him, telling you excitedly about everything he and the boys have been getting up to and how nice it’s been.

When you arrive at the beautiful house with an infinity pool overlooking the sea, you’re greeted with enthusiasm by all of Ben’s mates. They’re always nice to you, and have been since you first met them at the beginning of the relationship, but you wonder if Ben told them to be extra nice or something - Harvey has you in a tight hug and Anish is offering you a cocktail before you’re even through the door.

You all settle into the patio furniture out back with some drinks and dinner that the guys made, enjoying some music and the gorgeous sunset over the water. It takes you a bit of time to ease into the relaxation after being so tense for weeks, but it’s hard not to feel at total peace when you’re in such a beautiful place surrounded by people you love.

You’re curled up on the sofa with Ben, your legs draped over his lap and your hands intertwined, when the idea of going to a club is suggested.

While all the others are in agreement, Ben turns to you and murmurs quietly in your ear.

“Totally up to you, babe,” he says. “I’d be just as happy to stay here with you and watch a film or something.”

As appealing as it sounds to stay in alone with Ben, all the boys seem to be buzzing to go out and you don’t want to put a damper on things by insisting he stay here with you.

“No, let’s go,” you say with a small smile, trying to encourage yourself as well. “It’ll be fun, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ben grins, leaning in to kiss you.

You quickly get ready while Ben takes a quick shower, grateful that you remembered to bring one outfit suitable for going out, a simple light blue dress with matching heels.

You’re just doing up the straps on your shoes, sitting on the bed, when Ben walks out of the bathroom with just a towel around his waist. You take a moment to admire your boyfriend, your eyes raking over his defined muscles.

“You look incredible,” Ben says, walking in your direction with a smile on his face.

“You look pretty good right now, too,” you tease, very obviously checking him out.

“Oh yeah?” Ben smirks, coming closer and bending down to kiss you.

“Mhm,” you mumble against his lips, hands resting on his bare shoulders as you anchor yourself to him, pulling him in for another deep kiss.

You’re interrupted by the sound of someone knocking, immediately followed by Tom’s voice on the other side of the door.

“I’ve ordered the Uber, hurry up you two!”

Ben groans and reluctantly pulls away from you with one more quick kiss.

“To be continued,” he says emphatically as he goes to get dressed.

“Definitely,” you chuckle, already looking forward to getting lost in him the moment you get back tonight.

Within ten minutes, you’re all out the door and on the way to the club. It’s a big, glamorous beachfront club that’s already packed with hundreds of people by the time you arrive. Clubbing was never really your thing, but you’ve found that the ones Ben and his friends go to - on the higher end, with decent music and comfy booths - are generally pretty fun.

Harvey gives your names at the door and soon you’re immersed in the party, Ben’s arm wrapped protectively around your waist as you navigate the room to get to the VIP section.

The first hour or so you’re there is mostly nice, enjoying the feeling of being pressed up against Ben’s side as you sip on overpriced champagne and enjoy the music. You have fun chatting and catching up with all the boys about their various work endeavours and the girls they’re seeing.

You try to suppress thoughts of work and all the stress that is waiting for you when you return to reality on Monday, and you’re mostly successful.

Until you make the mistake of checking your phone in the bathroom and see a million work-related emails that have piled up since you last looked.

You know everything can wait til after your little weekend getaway is over, but the thought of facing another week of hell without Ben home to calm your nerves is enough to make you begin to spiral. You’re already at your stress limit, and you’re not sure how much more you can take before you hit your breaking point.

Suddenly feeling a need to get back to your group - specifically to Ben - you rush out of the washroom.

The bright strobe lights and the loud music, compounded with the way your mind is already racing makes it hard to breathe. You’re completely disoriented as you look around the room, trying to remember where you’re going as you navigate the sea of people.

All the negative thoughts swimming around in your brain and the stress are heightening your senses, and you nearly lose your footing, having to grab onto a railing for stability.

“Y/N? What are you - are you alright?”

You’re calmed slightly by the familiar voice, managing to look up and meet eyes with Tom in the midst of your impending panic attack. He looks confused and a bit worried, obviously not understanding what’s wrong with you. You don’t really know what’s wrong with you in the moment either, just that you can’t breathe properly and you need Ben.

“Did something happen?” Tom asks again, still frantic.

“I-I can’t-“ you try to say, grabbing Tom’s arm for stability as you once again begin to falter. “Can you-I need-“

Tom says something quickly to Harvey, who you hadn’t even realized was there until just now. A moment later, Harvey is gone, and Tom is gently grabbing your shoulders and leading you away from the music and the crowd.

You don’t notice that he’s taking you outside until you feel the slightly cool air hit you, providing you with some relief and making it somewhat easier to breathe.

Tom leads you to a nearby bench and helps you sit down, and though he’s rubbing your back and trying to talk to you comfortingly, you don’t really register it.

“I need-can you get Ben?” you ask him once you’re able to get a few more words out, and Tom nods immediately.

“He’s coming, don’t worry,” he assures you. “Just try to breathe, he’ll be right here.”

You nod, shutting your eyes tightly to fight back the tears and trying to breathe as well as you can.

As promised, within a few moments you feel a pair of warm hands on yours and you open your eyes to see Ben kneeling in front of you, looking up at you with wide and terrified eyes.

“What’s wrong, love?” he asks you, looking from you to Tom, who is able to offer no explanation. “Are you hurt? Did someone-“

“No, no,” you manage to choke out, wanting to quell his fears before his mind can run too far. “I just-I was trying to find you and I couldn’t-there were so many people and I just-“

You know he still doesn’t fully understand what’s wrong, as you’ve never struggled much with crowds of people before. You’ve been to loads of parties and events together, you’ve supported him in stadiums of thousands of people, and it’s never been an issue. Nevertheless, when you begin to cry more freely, your body continuing to tremble, he quickly moves into the spot Tom has vacated for him and pulls you into his arms.

“Hey, sweetheart, it’s alright,” he murmurs into your hair as he holds you tightly, pulling you closer until you’re basically in his lap. “You found me, I’m here now. I’ve got you.”

You bury your face in his chest, your tears staining his white t-shirt as you cry. Although you can feel the panic in your chest lessening with every second in Ben’s presence, the full weight of all the stress and emotions of the last few months hits you like a freight train.

Ben continues to murmur soothing words to you, stroking your hair with one hand and rubbing your back with the other as your sobs gradually wane.

You manage to get your breathing under control, soaking up the comfort of his touch and the gentle words he’s whispering in your ear.

Eventually, you pull back from him, wiping your mascara-streaked cheeks. Ben is still looking at you with immense concern, one of his hands coming up to cup your cheek.

“Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

You nod your head, grabbing his other hand and squeezing it tightly. You know you need to open up to him. This breakdown is proof that you can’t keep holding it in anymore.

“Okay, I’ll call an Uber,” he says with a quick kiss to your forehead.

“Actually, can we wait a few minutes? Maybe take a walk?” you ask. “I think I just need a bit more fresh air before getting in the car.”

“Of course, babe, let me just tell the boys-“

Before Ben can finish the thought, your friends reappear, having given you some privacy so Ben could comfort you. With a gentle smile, Harvey passes you a glass of water, which you gratefully take.

“You feeling better, Y/N?” Anish asks.

“Yeah, thanks, just got a bit overwhelmed in there,” you say, sipping the cold water. “Sorry, guys, didn’t mean to ruin the night like this.”

“Don’t be silly, you haven’t,” Tom insists. “We were just worried about you.”

You nod appreciatively, laying your head on Ben’s shoulder for a moment as you continue to come down from the panic attack, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on your bare knee.

“You want me to call a car, Chilly?”

“Nah, thanks, mate,” Ben says. “We’re just gonna go for a walk and cool down a bit, you guys go on inside and we’ll see you back at the house.”

“Alright,” Harvey smiles, squeezing your shoulder gently. “Glad you’re okay. See you later.”

The boys all bid you goodbye and go back into the club, leaving you and Ben alone once more. He carefully helps you to your feet, and you lean on him even though you’re much steadier than you were before.

“Wanna go down to the beach?” Ben asks, gesturing toward a path that leads to the shimmering blue water.

You nod, taking his hand in yours and intertwining your fingers as he leads you down the path.

The beach is totally quiet at this time of night, a stark contrast from the loud and bustling club you just left, and you hold Ben’s arm for stability as you take off your heels to carry them. The feeling of the sand beneath your feet and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore helps to calm your senses.

You find a nice, secluded spot to sit and look out at the ocean. Before you can even complain of the slight chill, Ben removes his jacket and drapes it over your shoulders.

“Thank you,” you whisper, reaching out to grab his hand again, needing to maintain physical contact with him.

“Of course,” Ben says, squeezing your hand. “Will you please tell me what’s going on now, babe? You’ve seemed a bit off since you got here, and last night on the phone. I’m worried about you.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” you say. “I didn’t want to ruin your holiday with all this, I’ve just been struggling a bit lately. Work has gotten crazy stressful and so much stuff is piling up on me, it’s been making my anxiety a lot worse than it usually is. Tonight I just happened to check my work email in the toilets and I guess it triggered me, then the noise and the lights and everything were really overwhelming and I could tell I was about to have a panic attack. Luckily, Tom found me before it got too bad.”

Ben, who knows you’ve dealt with anxiety in the past and particularly in uni, just nods in understanding.

“You’ve been struggling these whole two weeks I’ve been gone?” he asks, visibly upset that you’re just telling him now.

It makes it even harder to tell him the full truth, but you know the point of this conversation is to be truly honest with him, even if it’s difficult.

“A few months, actually,” you confess. You see how his face falls completely, and you immediately elaborate. “I know I should’ve told you, but you’ve had such a tough year with the club and the World Cup and everything, I couldn’t bring myself to burden you with anything else.”

His eyes flash with a million different emotions, and for a moment you think he’s going to be mad at you, but he ends up just letting out a defeated sigh.

“You could never be a burden to me, Y/N,” Ben says firmly. “You’re everything to me. It doesn’t matter what I have going on, I need you to tell me if you’re going through something like this. Always.”

“I know, I will,” you reply, squeezing his hand again.

He takes your joined hands and brings them to his lips, pressing a kiss to each of your knuckles.

“I am so sorry I didn’t realize there was something going on earlier,” Ben says after a moment, shaking his head. “I feel like the world’s shittiest boyfriend.”

“Don’t apologize, baby, you’ve been going through a lot yourself,” you remind him.

“Yeah, but you’ve been there for me through all of it. Helping me when I was injured and talking me through every loss, week after week,” Ben sighs, the memories of the past season still fresh. “And I didn’t even know you were dealing with your own problems.”

“It’s alright, Ben, I promise,” you say with a small smile, reaching up to cup his cheek. “I’ve been managing okay, just being with you helps a lot. It’s been hardest these couple weeks you’ve been away.”

“I’m so sorry, if I had known I would have-“

“I know, that’s why I didn’t say anything,” you tell him, your thumb stroking his sweet, concerned features. “You needed this holiday. I didn’t want you to be worrying about me.”

Ben wraps his arm around you and pulls you closer, pressing a kiss to your temple and lingering there.

“Baby,” he murmurs so softly that your heart melts. “I love you, but I need you to be honest with me from now on. It breaks my heart that you were going through this alone.”

You nod, resting your cheek on his shoulder. “I know.”

“And as for the holiday, I think you’re in need of one, too,” he continues, rubbing your back. “You should tell your boss you’re taking the next week off and come to Italy with me. We’ve got the yacht all week.”

There’s nothing that sounds as appealing to you right now as spending a week in paradise, soaking up the sun and enjoying uninterrupted time with Ben, but you don’t know how well it will go over if you tell your boss you’re taking a week off with almost zero notice.

“Ben, you know I want to, but-“

“Babe, you’ve been working yourself like crazy since you started there. You’re one of their best employees and they would be lost without you,” Ben reminds you. “Tell them you need a break. I’m sure your boss will understand, and if she doesn’t, then maybe you should tell them you’ll reevaluate whether you have a future there.”

You know he’s right, but you’re still nervous to give that ultimatum. You’ve hardly taken any vacation in the past year and you’re certainly overdue for it, but it doesn’t come naturally to you to make demands - even when it’s necessary.

“What if they let me go?”

“Then they would be bloody idiots,” Ben scoffs. “You deserve to work somewhere that lets you prioritize your mental health, love. And if that’s not this job, then quit and we’ll find you something else.”

“I can’t just quit my job, Ben,” you chuckle, fiddling with the too-long sleeves of his jacket you’re wearing.

“You can if it doesn’t make you happy,” he replies without a beat. “And please don’t say need a steady income, because you know I don’t give a shit if you ever work another day in your life.”

While you’re aware that most of Ben’s mates - at least the ones in football - don’t have girlfriends with traditional jobs such as yourself, you’ve always liked making your own money. It’s not that you harbour any judgement for those who don’t, but you think you would go stir-crazy if you spent all your time waiting at home for Ben.

“I appreciate the offer, babe, but I think I just need to find a better work-life balance,” you admit. “Maybe a week off isn’t such a bad idea. I can talk to my boss in the morning.”

Ben’s face lights up and he begins to press little kisses all over your face, making your heart soar.

“Perfect, I was dreading saying goodbye to you again,” he confesses. “I hate sleeping without you.”

“So do I,” you murmur, pressing your lips against his briefly, pulling apart when a thought occurs to you. “I don’t have enough clothes for a week.”

“You won’t need them,” Ben replies without missing a beat, making you laugh and shove his chest playfully. “Or we can go shopping. Whatever you want, love.”

You smile into Ben’s kiss and he deepens it quickly, his arm wrapping around you to tug you impossibly closer. You sigh happily, enjoying the serenity and intimacy of this moment.

When you pull back again, he gently cups your cheek and you lean into his warm palm, pressing a quick kiss there.

“Are you feeling better now?” he asks softly. “Do you want to go back to the house?”

“I am feeling better, but I just want to stay here a little longer if that’s alright.”

“Of course, baby,” Ben smiles, shifting slightly and opening his arms wide so you can lean back against him.

He positions you so you’re inbetween his legs, leaning against his chest, with his arms tightly wrapped around you and your hands clutching his.

You’re both silent for a whole, listening to the sound of the sea and enjoying each other’s touch after a long two weeks without it.

“Promise me one more time that you’ll tell me if you’re ever feeling this way again,” Ben murmurs into your hair after a few minutes. “Because seeing you like that is one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. I was so worried.”

Your heart aches a bit as you realize what a sight you must’ve been for your poor worried boyfriend, sobbing incoherently outside the club.

“I promise, Ben,” you say with a squeeze of his hand. “I won’t keep anything from you again.”

“Okay,” he breathes, lips pressed to your head. “I love you so much. I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with this by yourself, but I’m really glad you’re here with me now.”

“I love you too,” you say, snuggling deeper into his arms. “And I’m also really glad I’m here.”

Ben continues to press kisses to your head as you stare out at the sea, the comfort of his touch washing over you like the waves lapping against the shore.

Although there will be more hurdles for both of you to face as you continue your respective careers, you know that as long as you have Ben and ensure that you communicate your feelings, everything will be fine.

And in the meantime, you get to spend a week on a yacht with your hot boyfriend. Life could be a lot worse.

[shadowjax]

"That Beach Episode" OneshotTeaser

Part of Dragon’s Blade Series, can be read as a standalone.

(idk what to title it rlly buttttttt) 10 pages and almost 5k words, many many edits/attempts at fixing grammar and worldbuilding later. I'm getting there.

~~~~~~~

“Pack your things, guys, I just got out of a meeting with Fury and persuaded him into giving us the day off.” Tony paraded into the lounge, Morgan following right behind, dressed like they were ready to go to a tropical island. With the clap of his hands, a video of the beach played on the TV.

“Hey.” Morgan shot Tony an annoyed look and crossed her arms.

“Ok. Ok. This little rascal did all the work with her puppy eyes.” 

“Tony it’s almost noon, any place remotely tropical is hours away. Even by jet.” Bruce was seated on the couch, now annoyed his show had been turned off. He and Vison were in the middle of watching an old sitcom that Wanda had recommended.

“Which is why we’re staying overnight at a condo I just so happen to have bought years ago.” 

“Love the idea but who will take care of the city while we are gone,” Steve commented, who was in the middle of a card game with Vision, Sam, and Bucky. 

“None other than our junior counterparts, of course. C’mon, guys get packing, the jet leaves in two hours.” After scooping his child onto his shoulders, Tony exited the room, their laughter echoing throughout the hallway. Recently the tower had become a bit more crowded with all the newest recruits like Kate, Cassie, and Kamala. 

“Ohhhhh, I love building sandcastles. Now that I think about it, you’ve never been to the beach have you.” Wanda stood beside you while the two of you cleaned up from making the group breakfast. 

“No, I haven’t, it’s on my list of places to take Nat though so this works out. I hope it's too crowded with tourists but knowing Tony we’ll be on our own private sector...” 

After temporarily scarring the newest recruits during your first encounter, you realized it was time to find a solution to heal the scars across your face. The main problem was that while the serum in your veins could heal new wounds, it couldn’t fix the scars from injuries you had before it was injected. Over the past several months, you have undergone a series of procedures with Dr. Lee to improve the appearance of the scars on your face. Although certain scars may still be visible, the once vivid pink marks have now blended more effectively with your natural skin tone. This has significantly reduced their prominence, resulting in a much less noticeable appearance overall. 

“I’m glad to see the scars are healing, the doc sure knows what she’s doing. Speaking of beaches, in my opinion, they are a great place to propose to someone. Say a particular redhead.” Wanda’s eyebrows danced for a moment, causing you almost to drop a plate. “I know you’ve been thinking about it, I can see the pictures playing in your head. You practically project them!” 

“Wanda I know you mean the best, but please. It’s only a thought.” When you were younger, there were numerous things you never imagined yourself doing. Reflecting on those times now, an uncomfortable pit seems to form in your stomach when you think back on the past.

“A thought you have entertained for 3 months and many hours throughout the day.” You glanced at the ring Vision had given Wanda when he proposed. It was well crafted and clearly, Vison spent a lot of time working on the perfect design for her. A while back, you had a conversation with him about how he chose the design and gem for the ring, knowing he was the only one capable of keeping such a secret. 

Dr. Lee placed an arm around both you and Wanda’s shoulders, gently stepping in to join the conversation. “Believe me when I tell you, kid, there is nothing better than knowing you share a special bond with the one you love the most. Knowing only the two of you share this bond, to spend the rest of your lives as equals. Heck, I never thought I’d survive being a war nurse but here I am. Ring and all, with a beautiful woman I call wife.” 

“I think both of you need a new murder show to binge rather than prodding into my life.” Your comment led to a smack on the back of your head from Lee. “Well, when the world isn’t inanimate danger, what does a married woman in her late thirties do with her time, especially when she has a stable, well-paying job?" The conversation quickly ended, knowing neither of them had a good comeback, leaving you last in the dining room though packing wasn’t a tedious task for you.

[explorevenus]

piercing porcelain, crimson sap ♡ vampire!steddie x reader (pt. 1)

recommended listening - dracula (nate sees cassie) - labrinth

this part is generally sfw but the bulk of this series will be nsfw (18+) - so minors dni !!!!! or i will call ur mom

word count - 5k

description - in a fantasy world, reader is from a small, remote village. for many years you have been drawn to the mysterious mansion in the woods, the very same mansion you were warned against visiting for so long. you’ve tended to the neglected garden since you were young, growing attached to the strange, abandoned structure, only to one day find out the mansion isn’t as vacant as you’d thought...

tags/warnings - vampire!steddie, dark!steddie, innocent!reader, fem/afab!reader, pet names, no use of (Y/N), stevie is a lil cold at first but he warms up i promise, eddie is v manipulative lol, implied hypnosis, no smut yet but i promise it’s coming, fantasy elements obvi

a/n - ok i know this premise is done to death and like somewhat out of left field for a fucking stranger things fic but HEAR ME OUT. HEAR ME OUT OKAY. i am a SLUT for sexy mysterious vampire boys and i’ll be DAMNED if i don’t turn steve and eddie into sexy mysterious vampire boys at least once before i die. thank u for understanding and if u see this and it flops no u didn’t ♡

taglist - @urlbitchin​

my masterlist ♡ ​

part 2 coming soon ! lmk if u want to be added to the taglist :)​

fic below the cut, thanks for reading and i hope u enjoy ♡

-venus ♡

Growing up in the woods, you were always taught to avoid the decrepit old mansion that hid away in the shadows of the tall trees, a warning you would heed with great caution as a child, but not so much as you grew into your teenage years. 

You were 15 when you first felt the urge to rebel, or rather when you first failed to fight it off. Restricting yourself to only the outside of the property, to make yourself feel better about your choices, if anything, you had set off along the overgrown path that winded northeast and just down the valley, into a remote corner of the wilderness where the decaying building loomed tall, quieting the forest around it.

Based on all the horror stories you'd been told over the years, you expected to find the place teeming with evil spirits, or perhaps grotesque monsters; but, it was silent as could be, utterly vacant by the looks of it, and at first, rather underwhelming. You thought to yourself that maybe that was the point of all those hyperbolic cautionary tales that the elders passed down, to build up this great big image of what evil might be hiding away here, only for the purpose of letting down those expectations later. You were ready to give up and walk home, disappointed by your findings (or lack thereof), when you caught sight of a beautiful jungle of plants out of the corner of your eye-- they were bursting through the gaps in an old iron fence. It was a long forgotten garden, and as luck would have it, plenty of the plants there were invaluable for your alchemical endeavors.

Every now and then you would slip away and return to the garden, mindlessly sifting through the salvageable ingredients, and as the years went on you'd made a habit of tidying up the weeds where you could, too. Your interest in alchemy hadn't fully extended to an interest in gardening, so you weren't the most experienced by any means, but it was amazing what the smallest loving touch could do for a long forgotten place. Not to mention, the ridding of the weeds allowed the more sought after plants to properly flourish. It became your own private place, your own little slice of heaven, untouched by anyone but yourself. You loved the community you'd grown up in, but you felt an immense comfort near that strange mansion.

In your adulthood you only began to spend more time at the property, caring for the precious plants and dreaming that the mansion was yours, dreaming that you were not a village witch thieving ingredients for a living but the mistress of a beautiful household, gardening for pleasure in her overabundance of free time. It wasn't so much the material that you wanted, no, but the freedom-- freedom from the dangers of the woods, freedom from that constant worry of being unable to provide for yourself, for your village. It was nice to fantasize sometimes.

On this particular afternoon, it was overcast when you were readying yourself to leave the village, so you saw it fit to bring an umbrella. The prospect of rain didn't bother you a bit, or change your plans to visit the mansion at all-- it had been too long since the last rainfall, so both yourself and the plants were sorely needing it anyway. You lifted the hood of your soft cloak over your head and stepped outside, flower basket in-hand and toting a leather backpack full of various gardening supplies.

Cutting through the trees to that fading old pathway, little rocks and twigs crunching ambiently beneath your boots, you looked up at the grey sky above to see that it was only continuing to darken on the horizon. Thick black clouds loomed in the distance, swallowing up every last bit of sunlight and visibly unleashing buckets of rain upon the northern end of the mountain range, and they were barreling closer at a rate highly noticeable to the naked eye. You briefly considered turning back, but decided to stick to it anyway, given the worst case scenario was having to walk home drenched.

That old iron fence creaked loudly in greeting as you entered, even louder than usual due to the moisture in the air. You closed it softly behind you and made your way over to the patch of nightshade that you'd been tending to. You propped your umbrella up on the stump of a nearby tree, crouched beneath it, and got to work pulling up weeds as little droplets began to fall around you. The petrichor was delightful and comforting, and the rainfall softened the earth enough to make it just a little easier to uproot things. It didn't take long for you to settle into a comfortable autopilot mode as the droplets became gradually larger, and more plentiful.

Eddie and Steve liked this kind of rain.

Any kind of rain was favored, of course, but today was unmistakably a treat. The clouds were so dense and blackened with excess that no sunlight could hope to shine through. There was much excitement to be had on darkened days such as these, for a creature of the night-- the ability to roam during waking hours provided an entirely new insight into the lives and routines of their prospective cattle, and as a bonus, the moisture in the air tended to strengthen certain scents. 

But, in a more wholesome light, it was quite nice to reminisce in the long faded memory of their own mortality, to pretend, if even just for one afternoon, that their hearts may beat with vitality as they once did, that their bodies might once again hunger for fruit or pastries instead of thick red blood. It was a perfect day for a stroll, Eddie thought, and if they were to happen upon something suitable to dine on in the process, well, that's all the better...

Unfortunately, for his own skeptical reasons, Steve didn't seem to agree. He felt that it was too much of a risk to be seen by anyone, that it would blow their cover, and perhaps his paranoia was not entirely unfounded, though Eddie hesitated to give in. Not only had it been a while since the last good rainfall like this, but it had certainly been far too long since they'd found a new plaything, and Eddie was becoming... rather restless. The last few cattle they'd brought in hadn't really wowed him, as they were chosen more out of necessity and convenience than pleasure, and in turn, it took hardly any time at all for him to grow bored with them. Eddie needed something new, something exciting to keep him entertained for much, much longer than that. The weather provided the most enticing opportunity to stalk around, it was a shame that Steve was so adamantly against it. He could really be no fun sometimes.

Eddie was sulking around the mansion while Steve worked away in the upstairs office-- he had taken the additional waking hours as an opportunity to get ahead on his obligations, which was quite characteristically responsible of him, but Eddie couldn't bring himself to sit still, knowing that such a golden opportunity was being wasted. He could only rearrange the liquor cabinet so many times, let alone the furniture-- the exterior of the mansion was to remain untouched, to maintain the illusion of vacancy. With each passing second, the temptation to slip out for a bit to hunt while Steve worked was picking away at him.

Tossing the idea around, just for fun, of course, Eddie approached the nearest window and drew back the heavy red curtains for a peek outside-- just a scan of the property couldn't hurt, right?-- and as his mocha eyes followed along the treeline surrounding the property, he didn't see anything out of the ordinary, but he froze in place as he picked up on an intriguing scent. Curiously, Eddie cracked the old window open, letting in a draft of the cool, fresh air, and just as he'd hoped, it carried with it the sweet smell of living flesh. The stars couldn't have aligned more beautifully-- there was a human nearby.

To avoid alerting Steve, Eddie quickly sealed the window shut once more, slinking away up the stairs for a better view from the windows in the master bedroom. They were bigger than the ones in the hallway, had a much higher vantage point, and more conveniently, faced the single overgrown path that led to and from the property. Truthfully, he hadn't expected to find much-- Eddie didn't really consider himself lucky, and he knew that the powerful scents carried by the humid air could sometimes be deceiving. 

Still, just as he'd done before, he drew back the curtains and cracked the window, peering outward, noting that the human's scent was stronger here. It was floral and saccharine, like fresh lavender and juicy peach, laced with ribbons of intoxicating iron. Eddie's lashes fluttered as his eyes slid shut in delight, and he allowed himself a moment to breathe in deeply with an open, slightly watering mouth.

His eyes opened again and immediately caught sight of movement on the ground below. Eddie couldn't believe his eyes at first; crouched beneath an umbrella in the garden was a pretty little witch, muddying her slight hands in the thick weeds with no evident knowledge of the mansion's occupants. She wore a pale pink cloak that matched her boots and her umbrella, the white frills of her dress poofing out from beneath it, pointed elven ears peeking through her hair. Eddie could hardly fathom leaving the girl out in the rain-- after all, she must be freezing...

Eddie briefly considered asking Steve for his opinion, but had a sore feeling that he knew what he would say, and it wasn't likely to be in his favor. Deep down, he knew that it might be a reckless move, but the aroma in the air was all too enticing. With every passing second he was losing grasp of his better judgement. The temptation was far too much, and so it was that he gathered an umbrella of his own, and decided he would rather ask for forgiveness later. His sleek black dress shoes went from tapping elegantly across the hardwood floors to sinking into the wet earth. While he wasn't exactly thrilled that his expensive shoes had been exposed to the elements, he knew that the reward could be well worth it. Conveniently, too, the softness of the ground masked the noise of his movements, allowing him a bit more time to observe the girl in her relaxed state. Eddie approached the little elf slowly, not wanting to frighten her. She was so absorbed in her work that she hadn't even looked up.

In all honesty, the girl's unmoving focus and lowered guard brought a little smirk to Eddie's face. Finally, he asked aloud, "My, sweetheart, aren't you cold?" His voice was so warm and sweet, but somehow chilling, too.

You startled, freezing in place as your eyes raked up the length of his body before you-- he was so tall, with long legs clad in nice black slacks that fit him sinfully well, and contrasted to his pale white skin in a way that gave him a nearly unnatural glow. His alabaster face was framed by wildly curly, dark hair, tucked into a messy low bun behind his neck. You couldn't find the words to speak-- he was certainly stunning, a sight for sore eyes, but you had definitely not expected to see anyone out here, let alone in this weather, and it was even weirder that he was able to sneak up on you.

"Oh, you poor thing, you're shivering..." The mysterious man frowned, crouching to your level, fingertips tracing along the underside of her jaw. Little did you know that he was feeling for your pulse. "Why don't you come inside and warm up, hm? We'll get you out of this rain and into some dry clothes."

Inside...? You were only puzzled further-- as far as you knew, this mansion had been vacant for decades, and it certainly looked the part. The garden was far from the only section of it that had fallen into disrepair. The circumstances of this situation were overtly suspicious, but there was something about him that just made it so hard to say no. The mysterious man was equal parts haunting and alluring, comforting and hazardous. Before you could say anything, he reached forward to wrap an arm around your shoulders and then began to usher you indoors.

Shutting the heavy oak door softly behind you, the man rested a hand on your shoulder from behind. "May I take your umbrella?" He kindly asked.

"T-Thank you," You blushed, shakily handing your umbrella over to the man, suddenly being washed over by a feeling of guilt for dripping water all over the beautiful hardwood flooring. "I-I'm so sorry, I didn't know anyone lived here--"

"Shh, it's quite alright, angel," He soothed, hand sliding from your shoulder to your collarbone as he stepped forward, and twisted around to face you. Every movement he made was so enchanting, so graceful, you nearly tripped over yourself as he was stepping out of his muddy shoes. "I appreciate the company. It's not often we get visitors out here."

You were then given absolutely no time to ponder the implication of the word 'we' as the man asked for your name. Somewhat warily, you gave it to him. He hummed contentedly, testing the name out on his tongue, and he was very much pleased with how it felt.

"How pretty," He mused. "And how sweet of you to take such good care of our garden... it's nice to meet you. I'm Eddie."

You were immediately flustered at the praise, cheeks flushing bright pink as your eyes darted somewhere else, drinking in your surroundings-- perhaps the outside of the mansion was falling apart, but the inside was truly beautiful. Dark, but beautiful. Intricately carved wooden furniture decorated the space, fine paintings adorned the deep blue walls which flickered a warm orange with cozy candlelight, and the ceilings were so high that it made you feel particularly small. It looked almost regal. 

Eddie gently reached for your hand, bringing you swiftly back to reality. "Why don't you come upstairs and we'll get you out of those wet clothes, hm?" He asked, but he was already leading the way-- again, there was something unnaturally persuasive about him, and it went far deeper than his unparalleled beauty. You rounded a corner and began to ascend the winding staircase, the fine wood creaking softly beneath your steps. 

Clearing your throat nervously, you finally mustered up the courage to speak. "Do you live alone here?"

Eddie shook his head, leading you down a hallway at the top of the staircase. You followed obediently. "I have a roommate, an... old friend, named Steve," Eddie explained over his shoulder. "He's working away in his office, but I hope we see him soon. I would love to introduce you."

Of course, Eddie was well aware that your scent would soon breach the door to Steve's office, that it was only a matter of time until he'd follow it through the house until it led him to the both of you. He knew Steve would be angry with him, but he also knew Steve would have a hard time saying no to such a pretty meal laid out just for him. Eddie was willing to take that risk.

One of two thick oak doors creaked open before you, revealing an immaculate master bedroom. The windows were blocked with heavy black drapes which matched the dark, plush bedding, complimented by the stained wood floor. The walls were painted a deep, navy blue, shrouding the room in darkness save for the soft light of a bedside lamp crafted of Tiffany glass.

"You have a beautiful home," You spoke softly, eyes fixated to the many intricate details of the space that seemed endless, every flick of your eyes uncovering new treasures to be admired-- paintings, trinkets, candles long burnt down and dripping hardened wax down their bases.

Eddie chuckled, gazing at you out of the corner of his eye as he rifled through the closet for something you could wear, though it was hard for him to make a decision. You looked so adorable in your soft colored clothes, even drenched in rain and speckled with earth, and he sadly didn't have anything that matched your gentle appearance.

"Thank you, doll. You're very sweet," He finally replied, and as the words left his lips he noticed your polite manners. You observed your surroundings quietly, hands clasped in front of you as you made the noticed choice not to overstep, not to touch anything without permission, not to look too closely at any one thing. 

It came as a surprise to him when he felt his cold heart swell. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt such a way about someone he'd tricked into his home for a quick meal.

He brought his attention back to the closet, giving up on his own side and choosing instead to rummage through Steve's-- yet another decision he might come to regret, but at least Steve was more likely to own something soft and colorful. Almost immediately his eyes landed on a thick yellow sweater that would surely warm you up. Eddie plucked it off of its hanger and turned to hand it to you.

However, you were lost in an oil painting on the wall, wide eyes glassy with wonder as you looked over each brushstroke of a glowing crescent moon over a stream of rushing water. Eddie and Steve had acquired that painting so long ago that Eddie couldn't even remember where it came from or who painted it, but just how mesmerized you were by the piece was art enough for him.

Eddie cleared his throat to gather your attention, holding the sweater out for you. "Here, this should help you warm up," He smiled, careful not to bare his teeth. He didn't want to scare you off now. Only moments ago he simply wanted to bleed you dry, but now he found himself wanting to taste you, savor you, perhaps even keep you.

Oblivious, you took the garment from him with a smile, amazed at how soft it was. You thanked Eddie quietly before turning around to shed yourself of your dress, undoing the thin ribbons that secured it in the back before letting it slip gently down from your shoulders. You stepped out of the soaked piece carefully, thankful to your past self for choosing to wear tights and thin shorts beneath it, and as you pulled the cozy sweater over your head you delighted in the near immediate warmth that came with it. Shortly after, you gathered your dress from the floor and turned to face him.

"Thank you. Is there somewhere I can hang this to dry?" You asked.

Eddie tried to conceal his smirk as he answered you, "Well, I would say you could hang it on the clothesline, but..." He gestured toward the window which was concealed behind the thick drapes, but the sound of fat rain drops pattering against the glass was clear. "You should stay inside until the rain lets up, hm? I'd be happy to light the fireplace for you."

"I don't know... I should probably get back to the village in case the storm gets any worse," You spoke reluctantly, casting your gaze to the floor in disappointment, a move that was not lost on Eddie. "I might need to help cover the crops. I don't know what we'll do for the winter if our harvest is flooded."

Your disappointment communicated a couple of things to him-- one, you truly wanted to stay and spend time with him, and two, it was likely you'd be easy to convince to do just that. Of course he understood your plight, though he hadn't really considered the struggles of everyday, living, breathing people in a long time, but selfishly...

"Well, how many people live in your village, sweetheart?" He asked. You looked up at him, tilting your head quizzically. He chuckled, clarifying, "I don't get out much. I wouldn't know."

You had to think for a second-- you'd never really counted-- and when you landed on an estimate you were comfortable with, you obliged. "I don't know exactly... 45 or 50, maybe?"

Eddie hummed, crossing his arms casually. "That's a lot of hands. I'm sure they'll fare just fine without your help for a few hours, yeah?"

You pondered for a moment, just beginning to part your lips to accept his offer to stay for a while when another voice cut through the air, disapproving and materializing out of nowhere: "Eddie... What do you think you're doing?"

While you startled at the unexpected voice, jumping slightly where you stood, Eddie could only grin, turning slowly around to face the man in the doorway.

Only logical, you surmised this was the 'friend' Eddie had told you about earlier-- he was tall and athletic, square jaw and long lashes with fluffy brown hair that wisped over his face. The top two buttons of his white shirt were undone, revealing a thatch of dark hair over his strong chest. Your mouth dried-- the two of them were strikingly, devilishly handsome, especially together, and suddenly you felt your cheeks heating up with confusion over your own feelings and embarrassment for causing a problem.

Eddie's response cut your internal dialogue short. "Stevie! There you are," He greeted innocently. "Remember how you mentioned the garden looked like it was coming back to life? Well, I found the culprit," He joked, gesturing to you as he introduced you by name. Your face burned even hotter.

"...And you found the culprit wearing my shirt?" Steve asked.

You felt your heart sink into yourself. "I-I'm so sorry, I didn't know-" You stammered, but Eddie raised his palm to quiet you and spoke for you instead.

"Come on, Steve, look at her... Poor thing got soaked in the rain! Besides, doesn't she look adorable in yellow?"

Suddenly you felt hot for a different reason. You looked down to the floor to hide your face-- little did you know they could both hear your heart pounding. Still staring at the floor, you spoke up again, a little louder this time. "Um, I'm sorry for intruding... You can have your shirt back and I'll just go. I didn't mean to cause any problems."

As you looked up to make your way toward the door, you accidentally locked eyes with Eddie. An unexpected wave of calm washed over you, stopping you in your tracks.

"Nonsense, sweetheart," Eddie said. "You're not intruding at all."

Steve gave him a look that missed you completely, a look you wouldn't have been able to read anyway in your trance-like state. You couldn't really manage to speak, let alone interpret the silent communication between two men who were obviously so close with each other that the most subtle physical cues could speak a thousand words. 

Eddie put a hand on your shoulder. It was cold.

He smiled at you confidently. "Would you mind giving us the room for a moment, doll?"

Your feet were carrying you to the door before his words even fully sank in. Your gaze lingered on Steve for just a moment as you passed by him on your way out-- he was intently watching you go, arms crossed as he leaned against the door frame. You weren't sure how to feel about that.

Plopping down to sit at the top of the staircase, you tugged at the sleeves of the yellow sweater and wondered what kind of conversation they were having. It was overtly obvious Steve didn't want you there, but Eddie seemed quite sure of his ability to change Steve's mind. Having just met him less than an hour ago, you didn't know him well enough to trust his judgment on that. 

A tall grandfather clock ticked rhythmically down the hall, echoing each passing second. You picked idly at your tights just to pass the time, hoping Eddie's offer to light the fireplace for you would still be in the question, should Steve decide you could stay. You could faintly hear the timbre of their voices muted by the thick wooden door, but you couldn't make out what was being said or even discern the emotion behind it. All you could do was sit there, practicing your patience. Part of you wondered if you should just leave the sweater in your place and go, if it weren't for the fact your dress was still in the bedroom and you had no idea where Eddie put your umbrella.

You were too absorbed in your thoughts to notice the hallway had quieted. Apparently you were also too absorbed in your thoughts to notice the sound of the bedroom door opening.

"You do look rather cute in that sweater," A voice startled you from behind. Clutching your chest, you turned to face the source of it, surprised to find Steve. He was noticeably calmer and offering you his hand to help you up. "I might just have to let you keep it."

Shocked, you blushed as you took his hand, rising gently from where you sat. His hand was cold too. "T-Thanks," You stuttered. "I'm sorry if I caused any problems-"

"You didn't," He cut you off with a warm smile. "I promise. The apology is mine-- I'm sorry for coming off the way I did. You didn't do anything wrong."

"There you go, Stevie," Eddie chimed in from the bedroom doorway. You were beginning to sense a pattern that they had a unique ability to sneak up on you. "See? I knew you could play nice."

Steve shook his head, giving you an exasperated look that communicated quite well to you that Eddie was no stranger to successful persuasion such as this. "Let's get that fireplace lit, shall we?"

Guiding you down the stairs by your hand, Eddie trailing close behind, Steve led you to the parlor and encouraged you to make yourself comfortable as he knelt before the fireplace, stacking nearby logs of firewood into the soot-stained enclosure. Eddie was quick to replace Steve's hand with his own, leading you over to the couch. He offered to brew some tea for you, which you eagerly accepted, and as he made his way to the kitchen you found yourself sinking into the soft couch and watching Steve turn the gas valve at the bottom of the fireplace, striking a match to set the lumber alight at last.

Steve sat on the couch to your left, leaned coolly against the arm. The light from the fire cast a flickering orange glow over his handsome features.

He asked you about how you'd found yourself here, what measures you'd taken to revive the garden and what your village was like. He seemed hesitant to tell you much about his own past, other than that he came from a family in the city that he wasn't particularly close with. You let it slide, figuring there was much more to it than that, and you didn't feel comfortable prying.

Soon Eddie returned with a hot cup of tea, cautioning you to be careful of its temperature before he handed it off to you. You hadn't asked what kind it was, but it smelled delightfully earthy and herbal and a little bit minty, sure to chase the chill from your bones. You thanked him with a polite smile as he sat on the couch to your right, cradling the warm porcelain in your hands.

The three of you continued to chat, learning more about each other as you all became comfortable and opened up a bit. You learned that Eddie plays guitar-- he promised to show you sometime. You learned that Steve used to be an incredible athlete. You learned that the two of them met in school, that they hated each other at first, but have since been inseparable for a longer period of time than either of them could recall. You told them about your family, about your aptitude for horticulture. You promised to teach them how to care for their plants.

The conversation came to a comfortable break, the parlor draped in silence other than the pleasant sound of wood crackling in the fireplace. You were a sip or two away from finishing your tea when Steve leaned forward, tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear as he asked, "Do you believe in the supernatural?"

It was an odd question that seemed to come out of nowhere. You nodded slightly. "I mean... yeah. Living in the woods for so long, I know quite well that there are many things on this Earth that nature couldn't possibly explain." You quietly sipped your tea.

"Does it scare you?" Eddie smirked, planting a cool hand on your knee. Suddenly you were feeling nervous under the pressure of their attention. You finished the last of your tea, leaning forward to set your empty mug on the coffee table.

"Not really," You replied, eyes focused on the fire. "Everything in nature requires a balance. Light and dark, hot and cold..."

"Predator and prey?" Eddie added.

You tensed a little bit, nodding. "Sure, that's a great example. It's all Gaia's will."

"Even if you were the prey?" Steve asked.

"Y-Yeah, I mean, of course," You hummed, wishing now that you hadn't finished your tea so fast. You needed something to fidget with. "It's all Gaia's will," You repeated.

Eddie's hand repositioned from your knee to your thigh so smoothly that you almost hadn't noticed. "Hmm... What about pain and pleasure?"

Steve's yellow sweater was beginning to feel rather hot on your body. Your breath hitched in your throat. "Absolutely," You answered innocently, although your voice shook. "It all contributes to a delicate balance."

You weren't stupid. You knew where they were going with this... or at least you thought you did. Oddly enough, as you'd answered just moments before, you weren't scared.

Maybe if you'd really known what you were in for, you would have been.

[lahooozaherr]

I Will Always Find You

Chapter 4

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: angst, fluff, yearning, pining, shooting a blaster with Mando (aaaaaay) vague description of dress on reader (listen, I said it was “traditional Naboo” dress but I don’t know if such thing exists I just love that dress Padme wears by the lake lol but I’m leaving it as vague as I can incase y’all want to imagine something else, I only describe having an open back) (wanted to give Mando some skin, ok), reader runs hand through hair and has strand brushed away but no actual description of hair, Din tries to not have sexy thoughts lol

MY WORKS ARE 18+ MINORS DNI. AGELESS/BLANK ACCOUNTS WILL BE BLOCKED.

My tag list (instructions & requirements)

Summary: You and the Mandalorian spend part of your “hooky” day relaxing in a place special to you. Later, he helps you get ready for the festival. Both of you are full of conflicting emotions as realizations surface and the end of the week looms.

A/N: Welp, this is getting done later than I intended. I recently visited my grandpa who is in the dying process. I had a good weekend with him and my family and tbh I thought I would be writing/reading in my spare time then but it didn’t end up happening, but that’s ok! I was able to come up with more things I wanted to add to it before so I hope everyone enjoys it. I promise we’re getting close to the smut lol I just have story building I gotta do. Also, I realized I already messed up the timeline I was trying to work with so look forward to me fixing that when it becomes more relevant. And by timeline I mean, it def takes more than a week between this and the flashback opening of the first chapter, so I’ll edit that. I’ve also been doing my best to leave reader and some other things as vague as I can but if that starts to sound weird pls tell me, I just want anyone reading to be able to see themselves in this. I also fixed the series master list banner since I kept have nagging feelings about the pictures I originally chose lol.

Song Inspo: Unfair by The Neighborhood

Inspo Playlist

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Read it on AO3

Din only really has himself to blame for getting himself in this position, he tells himself.

He was almost immediately mesmerized by you, and he let his heart and not his mind take the reins. That was mistake number one.

He went from experiencing loss, trying (and failing) to cope with that grief, to here. With you. He knows he has to face his feelings, because meeting you has flipped his inner world upside down. 

Every night he leaves you, images of you replay at the forefront of his mind’s eye. At first he’d brushed it off, chalking this up to some playful banter with a bored princess. But then he entertained it, learned more about you, watched you, and found himself enchanted by you. 

Somehow you had made your way through the cracks of his armor. Not exactly his Beskar, but the one he built around his heart. 

He hasn’t slept much tonight, opting to use this time to reflect and at least try to gather himself. He can no longer ignore what you do to him. How the sound of your voice has become music to his ears. How your touch sends electricity throughout his body from your delicate squeezes in the spaces of his arm that are not covered in Beskar. The way your eyes almost always find his own, despite the helm covering.

When he saw you help that lost child, when you opened up to him about your own mourning and conflicted emotions about your position, he almost snapped. Something possessive, or maybe more so protective, wanted to wrap himself around you. Prevent you from having to do this anymore. He could tell you didn’t want this. Maybe you wouldn’t say it, and he couldn’t out loud, but he could feel it.

He doesn’t know what to do with his own life and hasn’t for a really long time. Now, he’s coming to terms with his feelings, and desire, for you. 

But the life he leads isn’t a life for you. Or at least, that’s what he tells himself. This life is dangerous…..and lonely. He knows he couldn’t ask you to become his just as much as you can’t, or won’t, abandon your position. It’s easier to accept that answer over the latter.

He’s let this go too far, but he can’t help it. You bring something out in him that he tried to forget he had. It’s like he simultaneously knows he can’t make you his, and that’s he’s too scared to. Which is saying a lot; a Mandalorian afraid? But not just over anything. Over experiencing that kind of love and then losing it. He can’t go through that, on top of the rest, it’s too much. 

Yet Din ignores his instincts and indulges in you. He wishes your affectionate glances were reserved for only him, and no one else. 

Catching you yesterday was almost the final straw, taking every fiber of his being to not rip away the garment bag that separated your bodies. His helmet picked up on the wild thrum of your heartbeat; and maybe he wasn’t certain how you felt but it had to mean something, right? Even if neither of you can say it. 

For now, he will force himself to settle for what he has with you until this job is done. 

—————————————————————————

“Mando?”

Din is wrenched out of his head, coming back to himself. Both of you are on a small boat steered by a droid, him across from you. He must have been lost in his thoughts on the short sail to the area you spoke of. 

You wave a hand across his helmet’s eye-line, “hey, are you in there?”

He cocks his helmet, turning back to you, “where else would I be?”

You let out an amused huff but your eyes search his helmet, concerned but observing. Returning your hand back to your lap, “is something wrong?”

“No, Cyare.”

Your face heats up, looking away quickly thinking he wouldn’t notice. It brings him instant satisfaction, the way he flusters you sometimes. The boat comes to a stop as you stand to gather the basket you brought with you. 

“One of these days, I’m going to find out what those names mean.”

Din carefully stands in the boat, stepping over the side to the dock as it approaches, “you can sure try.”

Although, the thought of you finding out has Din’s face heated, another moment to be thankful for the helmet. 

He steps up onto the dock, connected to the other side of the lake you departed from. An expansive field full of greenery and flowers, surrounded by a forest in the short distance. It was tranquil and private, just like you had described to him. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” You remark, maneuvering your way out of the boat until his hand drops in front of you, offering help. You stop first, looking up to him to smile before taking it. His strong arm helps lift you out of the boat, effortlessly.

“I would come here to just be alone,” you continued on as you adjusted the basket and yourself. You decided on wearing a simple set of a tunic and leggings for this portion of the day, saying you’ll change later. The combination hugged your body’s curves in a way the dresses didn’t and Din certainly didn’t mind. 

He mentally scolds himself for wandering towards such thoughts. 

He follows you as you trek through the field, heading deeper towards trees that provide shade. Picking a spot, you drop the basket and plop down next to it. Sighing and stretching your legs before settling to lean against a tree, you close your eyes and inhale. Din lowers into the spot next to you, facing the view. 

Several quiet moments pass before you speak up again, “my mother found this place.” This caused Din to look at you, waiting for you to say more. You look into the sky, tightening your lips, not quite smiling and not frowning either.  

“It means a lot to you,” Din states. At this point he could tell how sentimental certain things were to you, he has very few things like that for himself. 

“It’s special to me, there’s a lot of good memories here. Time spent with her, many books….the first place I learned how to shoot a blaster.”

Din snorts before he realizes he’s even done it, you smile, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“You? You can shoot a blaster?” He teases, emphasizing the first ‘you’.

“Are you underestimating me, Mandalorian?” Batting your lashes at Din. He can hear his heartbeat in his helmet while trying to conjure an image of you, aiming a blaster in hand.

“No….” He trails off. Your eyes trained on him with a determined expression. “I just don’t expect a princess to know how to shoot.”

“Well Mando, it looks like there’s even more for you to discover about me.”

“Alright, prove it,” he shifts to stand. He offers his hand again and you take it, firmly. When you completely stand, you're closer than he had originally intended and he can feel the tense air between you. He brushes a thumb across your knuckles before letting go. 

You give him a sly grin while motioning your hand towards him, “alright, hand it over.”

“Hold on, let’s find a better spot.”

The two of you don’t stray too far, walking into the small forest behind the tree you were previously leaned up against. Din stops and points to a different tree just a few feet away, “hit the middle of that one.”

Usually, Din wouldn’t be so keen as to just hand anyone his weapons. But, you weren’t just anyone, were you? He sets the blaster in your hand, switching off the safety. 

“Thank you,” you mutter, situating the blaster in your dominant hand, with the other coming up to steady it. 

Raising your shoulders, you assume your stance and level the blaster for aiming. He watches from behind, arms folded and observant. So far he could say you’re doing everything you’re supposed to and is already impressed, not that that shows. 

Taking a deep breath through your mouth and out your nose, your supporting hand drops and your finger twitches on the trigger. In a split second, the blaster fire perfectly hits the middle of the tree. Lowering the blaster, you let out a “Hah!” You puff your chest with pride, looking back at Din for his reaction. 

If Din didn't think he was in trouble before, he definitely is now. He hadn’t realized just how attracted he would be to a trait like that in YOU, and suddenly the armor is too hot for him.

He almost can’t bring himself to say anything in response, it feels like his heart jumped into his throat. A self-satisfied look on your face as you set your other hand on your hip, “you seem…speechless? Hard to tell.”

You were right, and that was saying a lot for Din, considering he’s not much with words to begin with. He quietly clears his throat and reaches to take the blaster from your outstretched arm, “Count me impressed.”

You beamed, but this time it’s shy as you try to look away from him as he takes the blaster. He’d tell you that was cute if that wasn’t so out-of-character for him. 

“What made you take this up?” Din asks as you return to your spot on the grass. 

“Father said ‘pick a form of self defense’ and that was my choice,” you mimic your father’s voice and shrug. “I just happened to hit it off with blasters, and now I prefer them.” 

“But have you ever actually had to use one?”

“No. I guess, fortunately?”

A silence falls, you fidget with your hands as he settles next to you, once again. 

“I know that part isn’t impressive,” you add, dejectedly.

“It’s not bad. I’m glad you haven’t had to yet,” Din then turns his head towards you. “Any more surprises?”

Your lips curl at the edges, biting your lip and stifling a giggle, “for now.” You wink at him and turn to dig through the basket you brought with, setting out various fruits. 

Din’s eyes focus on the food but says nothing. 

“Don’t worry,” you assure him, while taking a bite out of one you’d chosen. “It’s just in case you want it. I felt rude not at least trying, I can give you privacy if needed.”

Din mulls the thought in his head for minutes, considering the setting. He feels a twinge in his stomach, anxiety coming up as he shoves it back down. He’s grateful for how understanding you are when it comes to his boundaries. He hasn’t been given a lot of that when it comes to his helmet and his creed. The galaxy so far has insistently been against him when it comes to those. 

“I appreciate it,” he says. 

—————————————————————————

You choose for today, and just today, you’ll pretend. Pretend your obligations don’t exist, that you’re not a princess. That you’re just you, someone capable of being so much more than what she’s just been slated in life. Capable of being more with Mando. 

That’s when the realization finally sets in, just how deeply you’ve found yourself in love with him. You realize it’s only been several days since you’ve met him, you haven’t even seen his face! But that didn’t matter to you, you have never felt so drawn to and comfortable with someone before in your life. 

You also can’t say you didn’t let it happen, and it’s tragic almost. It didn’t help that the two of you had almost immediately fell into a rhythm together. Two stars in sync with each other’s gravitational pull, becoming a careful dance.

You can’t be with him, and he can’t be with you. But that’s assuming he feels the same way, and that you’re not really sure of. It might be better to not know. You can’t abandon your life, and he shouldn’t have to worry about you.

It hurts immensely. 

“Here, I’ll do this,” you say, shifting your body to sit back to back with him. “I can’t see you this way, and I won’t look.” 

Mando says nothing at first, visor trained on the spread you’d set out. His lack of response causes you to feel insecure. 

“I’m sorry, maybe that’s too much-“

“No. You’re fine. It works.”

You give him a small nod before turning back to face away from him. You focus your eyes on anything else; trees, hills, the sky. You hear a hiss escape from where you feel him shift to lift his helmet and your heart stops. How would it be to see that face? But you would never betray that trust he’s just displayed. 

Mando doesn’t completely remove the helmet, just lifting it enough to take bites of the fruit you’ve laid out. Fair enough, though. Whatever works for him and makes him feel most comfortable is more important to you. 

Moment’s of peaceful silence pass as you take in the sounds and scenery around you while partaking in some of the fruit you snagged. Beautiful, lush green forest and fields, a clear and beautiful sky, the silent chewing from your armored companion. You wish you could live in this moment forever.

Reality finds ways to drift back into your thoughts though, always somewhat present and hard to escape. You let out a quiet sigh, leaning your back against his. You feel him tense up, subtly. But before you can think twice about it, he relaxes back into it, giving you a small amount of physical contact. You’re relieved he allows you this.

‘I’m glad we did this,” you break the silence. “I needed a break, as brief as it may be.”

“Thank you for including me,” he says in his unfiltered voice, helmet still lifted. Your heart in your chest speeds up from hearing it. As much as you love his voice with the modulator, the actual, naked sound is music to your ears. His voice is still low but with a rich timbre. 

Worrying your bottom lip, you lean your head back onto his shoulder. He allows for that as well, maybe indulging you. It’s comforting, but also sad. 

“There’s a chance I could not become a senator, like my father.”

Mando stills, “Is that so?”

“Sort of,” you begin to explain. “We still have democratic elections. There’s a possibility of me not being elected.”

Mando gives a low hum, “What would you do then?”

A million ideas including him run through your mind at that question, but you don’t say. “Technically I’d still be serving in some capacity, it’s how our family has always worked.” Part of you had hoped he'd have something to offer, more to say to that.

It’s quiet again, this time more somber. You’d been thinking about this detail for a while, and it still felt like no way out, and you feel ashamed for even trying to look for one. Mando doesn’t respond yet, replacing his helmet to its normal position. 

You sit up and turn back to him, looking into his visor. Helmet already trained on you. 

“Thank you,” he all but whispers, barely picked up by the modulator. You give him a gentle smile in response, “Of course.”

After the afternoon had worn on some more, and some comfortable quiet moments had passed as the two of you relaxed together, you signaled it was time to go. 

Your heart tightens in your chest at the thought of every minute passing, becoming less and less time with him. You’ve tried hard to not focus on that, nor show that emotion. You want to enjoy the time you have left.

—————————————————————————

You and Din return to your suite at the palace, stopping just before the door. He assumes his regular place in front, waiting to watch you disappear inside for the time being. 

But you don’t go inside, you stop just at the threshold. You stop in your tracks, seemingly contemplating something. You turn back to him, avoiding his gaze but also not as you start to run a hand through your hair. 

“You can come in to wait for me…..if you want.” 

It’s silent again, but tense. Din can feel his heart in his throat now, mouth dry as he tries to swallow it back down. His resolve crumbles enough for him to step forward, towards you. In his usual fashion, saying nothing, he strides past you into your living space. You step to the side to allow him in and he nods to you on the way. 

Upon entering your temporary living space, he takes in the details of proof that you’ve been there. One side of the room is a luxurious, wide bed with accompanying side tables, a couch sits at the end of the bed. Across the room from there is a table with books, a rack of clothing, a vanity and dressing screen for your privacy. 

“The couch is probably the most comfortable,” you mention as you saunter past him. “Make yourself at home.”

Din does so, looking out-of-place as he cautiously sits in the middle of the soft couch. Posture straight and gaited, he looks as stiff as he feels. He is painfully aware of the effect of the whole situation on the inside of his flight suit. It’s not that he’s uncomfortable, he just never expected to be in such a private setting with you.

It’s been too long since he’s felt this kind of need and genuine desire, and that also scares him. He feels like a doomed man, mentally cursing to himself that if only you had met under different circumstances. 

You press a button on a panel on the wall near the dressing screen and all lighting in the room fades to a softer, yellow hue. You step behind the screen, bending to start removing your shoes. 

Din has to suppress the almost audible gulping sound that leaves him when he realizes he can see your silhouette through the dressing screen. He doesn’t know if you know he can see you like this and is too stunned to even say. 

“I’m happy we happen to be here right as this festival is happening,” you state. “I haven’t been to it since I was a teenager.”

He watches your shadow begin to undress, slowly peeling off your layers one by one until you’re in your underwear. Your hands move to undo the clasp on your chest band, causing an audible ‘snap’ noise. You move sideways, emphasizing a perfect outline of your front and back. He imagines your breasts must be as soft and enticing from their outline in the shadow. 

He feels a twitch in his flight suit pants then immediately seeks to contain that by resting his ankle on his knee, bouncing it repetitively to keep himself ‘busy’. He almost jumps out of his skin as you walk to the edge of the screen, only to stop just before the end and reach your hand and naked arm to the rack where the garment bag you picked up yesterday hung, plucking it.

It’s certainly not out of place for him to have nothing to say, because at the moment he can’t even muster a word. He’s way too distracted now and hopes you’re not looking for a response.

You maneuver yourself into the dress, swaying your hips side to side to slide the fabric over your body. Din unconsciously flexes his hands, imagining how those hips would feel beneath them. 

When you finish fitting the dress onto yourself, you emerge from behind the screen. When you notice him, your expression is curious and he fears he’s been caught until you ask, “are you ok?”

Din crosses his arms and stands abruptly, guarding the subtle expressions of his body language as much as he can. Give offers a curt, “Yes.” He immediately notices how flattering the dress is on you, laying perfectly with your back being the most exposed. 

You narrow your eyes at him briefly and turn to seat yourself at your vanity. Din takes the opportunity to roam the small space, observing the table of books and reading material from the event that had been unceremoniously placed there. 

You adjust yourself in the mirror of your vanity, fixing your hair. You look back at yourself with a determined look, twisting your arms to place your hair where you need it. Din watches your meticulous routine from behind, eyes flitting between your actions and yourself in the mirror. You can see him in the reflection as you work. 

“It won't be too long, but it’s a process,” you murmur, moving to grab various pieces of makeup to apply. 

Din can barely manage to offer any words as he imagines what it would be like to casually approach you, placing reverent kisses on the back of your neck and shoulders. 

“Don’t worry about me,” he finally says. 

You shoot him a questioning look where you see him in the reflection of the mirror, “are you sure you’re alright?”

Din forces himself to visibly relax, it’s uncanny how well you’ve been able to pick up on his mannerisms since you’ve met, “everything is good with me.” He feels like he sounds unconvincing and your lingering eyes in the mirror don’t help. You shrug and return to your tasks.

That companionable silence has returned as Din watches you apply your makeup, you mutter to yourself absentmindedly here and there as you move to each next piece. Some time passes before you set down your items and pat your lap, giving yourself a last look over in the mirror before standing. 

The way you look takes his breath away. He was almost shocked when he first saw how casual you’d chosen to be today but loved it all the same. He loved seeing another side of you and right now is no exception either. He felt domestic just from being allowed to watch you put yourself together. 

He wants to take you apart. 

—————————————————————————

“Well?” You query Mando as you turn side to side to get a good look over yourself in the mirror. “Do I look alright?”

He’s paused then steps closer behind you, looming over your shoulder at your reflection, you look at him. You feel your heart rate quicken under what feels like his eyes raking over you. It takes everything in you to resist the urge to turn into him and wrap your arms around his neck.

“Beautiful,” he offers the one-worded response, but that's all that needs to be said. 

You turn to him, smiling, staving off a heat that threatens to take over your cheeks, “thank you.” He cocks his helm to the side in response. 

You stride past him, noticing his helmet visibly follow. You sway your hips ever so slightly as his visor scans you up and down. Getting closer to your door, you look back and flash him a grin and gesture with a nod, “I saw that.”

“No you didn’t,” he throws back at you, sarcastically. You snicker in response, “Come on, shiny man.”

Mando stalks towards you and stifles a chuckle, “I get a nickname too?”

“I tried, not sure how I feel about that one.”

“Not as fun as mine, mesh’la.”

—————————————————————————

The festival is bustling, vendors sell their wares and trinkets while others offer delicious and exotic street foods. There are large displays of flowers and accompanying decorations across the town and performers scattered entertaining the masses. 

You point out these things to Mando as you stroll through, your hand back in its place in the crook of his elbow. He doesn’t have much to say but you know he’s invested in your excitement and what you say. 

Here and there you'd explain the meaning behind certain displays and performances to educate him. You figure you can do the same for him as he’s done for you when he’d allowed you to poke at him about Mandalorian customs. You’d share similar traditions from your own planet and how they coincide with each other. 

You tried your best to be in the present and stop worrying about tomorrow, when you’ll inevitably have to say goodbye to the Mandalorian. You’re going to miss the camaraderie the two of you had unknowingly built together in the short amount of days. You’ve never found someone so in sync with you. 

Regardless if he has similar feelings, it’s heartbreaking all the same. It’s too scary at this point to ask. If you’ve learned anything about him this past week, it’s that his actions speak louder than his words. Although it seems he reserves many of those words and actions just for you. A self-indulgent thought you keep tucked in your heart. 

Day slowly turns into night, the sun giving way to a beautiful, pink setting in the sky. You finish up a snack you’d bought earlier as you nod at Mando, “fireworks should be soon, we should find a good spot.”

“Fireworks, huh? They really go all-out here.”

“It’s Naboo,” you laugh. “What do you expect?” 

“Do you have a spot for that too?”

You scoff in response, “of course I do.”

And that you did. It’s a bold move, but you offer him your hand, “follow me.” He takes your smaller hand in his gloved one, and it feels warm. Safe. 

You lead him along, navigating through other festival-goers until you find yourself in front of part of the forest that lines the city. He doesn’t question it though, and you bring yourselves to a small path in. When you’ve arrived, you’re at a small clearing on the side of the larger lake the show will display over. 

“I never doubted you,” he proclaims. You feel like you can ‘hear’ a smile in his tone. You turn your nose up with a ‘hmm!’. You hear a faint chuckle that barely escapes his helmet’s modulator. 

The sun is finally set, giving way to a beautiful, clear night sky. You take in a deep breath of air and admire it, smiling to yourself. You look down and notice he’s still holding your hand. You don’t say anything or move it, for fear of ending the small contact. He doesn’t try to break it up either. 

One by one, lights lift into the sky and explode. The fireworks are bright and loud and your spot is the perfect and more private place to view them. You instantly become entranced in them, their reflections flash in your eyes.

You suddenly feel a familiar shift in energy, one that you’ve been feeling all week. From the times you feel his eyes on you for long periods of time. Sometimes even when his helmet isn’t exactly pointed towards you. A feeling almost hard to explain, you just know. But you don’t turn to face him just yet, preening under what feels like his warm gaze, while you can. These last few moments are difficult to approach, no matter how hard you shove back the emotions.  

What will it be like after tomorrow? Will you feel a hole in your chest? A part of your heart that knows and wishes to know him that will forever be empty? Will you always spend the rest of your life asking “what if”?

You finally turn to him and he does the same. But there are no words. You’re both silent, save for the sounds of fireworks in the background. You look into his visor and admire the reflection of the bright, colorful explosions that play out on his helmet. It’s beautiful. 

A tension builds between you, again. But what could be said? It’s too painful to say out loud. You’ll have to speak through your actions, just as he does. 

You slowly lift the hand you’re still holding, cautiously bringing it to place over your chest where your heart pounds. You fear it might be too much when his hand stills, but then relaxes in place underneath yours. You just want him to feel your heartbeat, and he acquiesces. 

But he surprises you again, after a moment passes, holding his hand over your heart. He brings his other hand up to remove his glove, carefully plucking from his fore and middle finger, sliding it off then placing it in his pocket. 

With his now bare hand, he gently tucks a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. Instead of bringing his hand back, he caresses the side of your face. You can feel him hesitate at first, hovering slightly above your cheek, seeking silent permission. You oblige by nuzzling into his palm, relishing the feeling of his bare skin on yours.

The setting is calm but the storm in your chest is otherwise and you wish you could remain like this. Tomorrow is coming too soon, it’s too much. But you know, and he knows. 

When the show ends, the two of you remain that way for a short while after. You can’t bring yourself to end it any sooner but after some time, you decide to rip off the bandaid. When you slightly move from his hand, he returns it to himself but without putting the glove back on. 

When you return to your room, after a solemn and quiet walk back, you swear you can still feel the warmth of his skin on yours. It’s all he can give right now and you’ll hold it dear to you. 

—————————————————————————

Settling down for the night, you walk around the room to fade the lights back to the yellow hue. You sit on the couch as you read the last of a book you’ve had your nose in for the last hour. You glance up, down, then quickly back up again when you notice the silhouetted shape of something from behind your dressing screen. 

Hurriedly putting the book down, you set for the screen to investigate. Behind it is the pile of clothes and one of your suitcases that had made up the shape. You realize, to your mortification, that anything behind casts a shadow than can be seen.

That means. That earlier. That he could. He could see- Oh MAKER. 

Mando'a Translated:

Mesh'la = Beautiful

Cyare = Sweetheart

@dindjarinsmut @impala1967666 @kittenlittle24 @angel-with-a-heart @leithatnight @i-usually-main-bards-tho @dins-riduur-anthe @fatima-marisa @lalalalemonade11 @n7cje

Next Chapter

[spurious]

some mcshep fic recs

So ever since I answered that ask from Mer about McShep fic recs, I've been thinking about posting more recs. I have been reading, like, so much fic because there just...is so much fic out there? As I intimated in the answer to that last ask, I am...not used to this amount of fic. The last ship I seriously read and wrote fic for has 58 English-language works on AO3, 17 of which were written by me (and another large handful of which were written for me lmao), so it's, uh, kind of amazing to just be able to read and read and read and read and...still have more?

I've been using my AO3 bookmarks, but sometimes bookmarking is simply not enough and you need to scream at people about the things you have read. So, without further ado...let me scream at you about the things I have read!

-

1) 264 Hours by Lenore | ~6k, rated E

Set after Seige. The battle is over, except in Rodney's mind.

This one is just some nice Rodney emotional pain content; he’s fucked up over the events of the siege and John is trying, in his opaque Sheppardian way, to help, but it takes a perceptive sex worker and a confrontation to really get through to Rodney. I liked where this went but I almost wanted it to be longer and really draw things out? For the Suffering I guess lmao

2) Long Long Road by Telesilla & padawanhilary | (series) ~50k, rated E

While shopping, two college students run into each other. Literally.

This is an AU (that converges to canon eventually), where John and Rodney meet while at Stanford and find a mutual enjoyment of both each other and kinky sex. There are two branching endings, both of which end happily, the sex is really very very hot and good, and overall there's something that I just find extremely...cozy? About this series? I've read it twice now and I just find it nice and comforting and enjoyable.

3) Sheppard’s Law by Speranza | ~35k, rated E

"Weird? You don't know what weird is. Weird is being in a-- with the-- and the crazy alien--" He stopped, incoherent, hands flailing. "And then your best friend is twelve, and you're his piano teacher. That--now, you're talking weird!"

Honestly the idea of me in the year of our lord two thousand twenty three reccing McShep fic written by Speranza is like...asking someone who likes pizza if they've ever tried pepperoni lmao. NEVERTHELESS. I've now read this fic twice. The first time I thought it was good, but for whatever reason it didn't make that big of an impression on me? I have a feeling it's one of the ones I read before we finished the series when I was trying to find stuff that didn't spoil later season events? So anyway I just sort of randomly decided to reread it recently, and it really wowed me on a second go-round. I think the big-ness of it can be hard to wrap your head around, but when you do it's like...you feel both full and hollowed-out by it at the same time, because it's huge but it's also a collection of these snapshots and small moments that make up the whole. Idk it's just...it's good ok, read it if you haven't!

4) Ritual by lamardeuse | ~5k, rated T

The history of a ritual.

Beer 👏 on 👏 the 👏 pier 👏 As a team ritual, as the story of John’s love for Rodney, and as a beautiful coda to the shrine. John's POV in this is so gorgeously done, the way he's convinced himself of what he can and cannot have and is trying to deal with it the best way he can, even when it's immensely painful. I also like how Jennifer's part in things is handled in this, in terms of her reaction to Rodney's profession of love and how it stacks up against...literally everything else that happens in that episode.

5) Dumbstruck by sgamadison & the_cephalopod | ~30k, rated E

His existence, as he remembered it, began eleven days ago. He knew the word day was what to call the cycle between a single span of sunlight and darkness, but he could not remember what groupings of days were called. He didn't think it mattered much.

Due to...shenanigans, John loses his memories and becomes unable to speak. The thing I really love about this is how well Rodney knows John; how even when John can't speak for himself, Rodney clearly has this mental catalogue of Sheppard Expressions and he can deftly read and describe them. It's just...it's nice.

-

Anyway, I'm thinking I might make this a regular thing. I like talking about fics I like!!! Send me an ask or whatever if you have types of recs you want to see? Idk?

[orcelito]

Wanted 2 write more today but brain said no. I just played hours of stardew valley instead of doing anything productive.

But TOMORROW. tomorrow will be another story. I'll make sure of it.

[a-world-with0ut-dr34ms]

Well I Wonder

From Control - Full Story in Progress on AO3!

Ghost x Reader x Graves

Summary: Ghost begins to warm up to you -- however slowly -- to the unknown dismay of your commander.

No Explicit Warnings

Word Count: 5k

Tags: fluff, subtle flirting, bandaging wounds, banter, bonding, hints of jealousy, hints of growing feelings, slow burn, some swearing

Part One | Two | Three | Four Masterlist

Author's Note: Ok… I'm not a military expert or a hacker, so if I'm describing stuff wrong, you know now (*c * ). This one's more plot heavy, 'cause I'm trying to set stuff up for the next couple chapters.

More of that slow burn stuff. I'm trying to flesh out the reader's relationship with Ghost before I get to the real stuff, so it's just a lot of subtle flirting and bonding. Enjoy~

...

Chapter Five - Well I Wonder

Moments Earlier...

“I’m a big girl, Commander,” you say to him. “There's nothing you need to worry about. Plus, you’ve got me all excited for those drinks later.”

Graves watches you wave to him from outside the helo, smiling as you often did. He looks to you until the helo doors close shut, and that heavy motion of the aircraft lifts him back into the air. Everything is red again, and the metal walls rumble. The thought of you lingered.

“Do you think those two’ll get along?”

Soap’s voice pulls Graves' focus back over to the Sergeant. The 141 soldier sat adjacent to him -- beside the other members of Shadow Company.

He had that placid look on his face again, as if this were a road trip. If Graves didn’t know the man, he’d almost mistake Soap for a rookie, with his whole star-eyed look and happy-go-lucky attitude. A part of him wondered if it was an act; though, it couldn’t be. The man was merely a chatty sort, just personable with those he worked with. And it’s not to say Graves doesn’t like the man. Soap seemed like a good guy, but good men make for righteous enemies in times of moral ambiguity.

“That woman could make friends with the devil himself, if they ever met,” Graves says.

Soap chuckles. “You two seem close.”

Oh? Graves thought to himself. That raises an eyebrow. 

Well shit, it seems Soap wasn’t as dense as he'd thought. One look and the commander could tell Soap’s comment had no real merit to it. Comments like that could be dangerous however, so Graves acts accordingly. Amiable.

“Songbird’s one of my best,” he tells him.

There was no point in hiding that he was close with you; he’ll gladly set that straight too. It wasn’t like he had to go into detail about your… intimate activities. Knowing when to tell the truth and when to lie was a valuable skill to have in this field, and he’s learned the hard way enough times to know that surface level truths make for the best cover.

Anything more is need-to-know.

“She’s been with the company for a while now,” Graves continues. “I wouldn’t trade her for anyone.”

“I like her,” Soap admits. “She seems like a good person.”

Graves can’t help but chuckle at that. The way you interacted with 141 earlier, it was as though you’ve been acquainted with them for years now. He had told you before the mission that killing with kindness was your specialty, though seeing your work firsthand now was rather impressive. Your charms surely were a foe to be reckoned with. He had to admit it. 

And you thought Graves was the chameleon; indeed, it takes one to know one.

'It worked on you.'

You had said that to him earlier. Is that what this is? He hadn’t quite known what to say when he first heard it. Frankly, he doesn’t know now why he keeps thinking about it, why it seems to matter.

“Yeah,” his voice trails. “She's somethin’ alright.”

…

Graves set the last of the C-4 onto the side of one of the trees. Once the bomb was secure, he regrouped with Soap, who’d just placed a few in the area as well. The rest of Shadow Company kept watch in the treelines, making sure things don’t pop off too early. With luck, the noise here will create enough commotion for you and Ghost to slip in unnoticed.

If not though, well, he had plenty more C-4, and these woods were plenty large.

Graves turned to Soap, checking with him a final time before turning on his comms.

“Canary, this is Shadow-1 do you copy?”

“Shadow-1, this Canary. I read you.”

Hearing your voice never failed to relieve him.

“We’ve landed at the LZ. Preparing to launch the signal. Be ready.”

“Copy that.”

Graves signals for the group to head back deeper into the woods, so not to get caught in the blast. They take cover within the trees, using the night to their advantage. With the detonator gripped firmly in his hand, the commander speaks to the group.

“Alright boys, let’s get this done,” he says. “Detonating in three, two, one…”

The explosion was quick and sharp, spanning a few yards and knocking down a few trees. A small fire began to stoke, nothing that would pose a threat to the larger parts of the woods, but certainly noticeable in the pitch black. 

The sound of panicking AQ forces erupted in the distance. Just as planned.

“OK, time to hustle,” Graves ordered. “Let’s move out!”

The flames grew in the treeline, embers cracking into the sky like the neighboring stars, as the smell of burning wood began to cloud the air.

So ends the easy part of the mission.

…

A bomb.

The signal was a bomb. Figures.

“Well you wanted it loud,” Ghost said.

Indeed you did say that. Though, something tells you Graves would have done that regardless as to whether or not you asked for it. “Leave it to the commander to make a show out of things,” you comment.

“Time to move. Songbird, on me.”

Canary. You correct him in your head. You'd need to talk to Graves about it later; you didn’t need 141 calling you his pet names now.

You make your way to the edge of the cliffside, as you both equip your harnesses and prepare to scale down. Once the rope was secure, you take the plunge off the ledge, and let gravity do its work. The moon bobs above your head as you glide down, looming over you like a giant's eye.

Trained hands hold onto the rope, legs kicking off the rigid rock of the cliffside. The journey to the surface is mostly done in silence, both you and Ghost no longer thinking of anything other than the task at hand. You move robotically, on the same page with one another without having to say a word. 

When you’ve reached the bottom, you both take cover in the nearby bushes, just a few yards away from the east entrance. This close, you see two guards still posted by the gate, shifting about nervously as they watch their comrades run about the compound, shouting orders and trying to assess the situation.

A gruff grumble comes from your right. Ghost mumbles to himself, thinking out loud. “If we kill ‘em it’ll tip off the others, even if we hide the bodies.”

“Why not sneak in then?”

Ghost looks over to you. “I’m up for that.”

“I thought you’d be,” you say. “Any suggestions?”

“Let’s not overcomplicate this.”

Ghost ducks down and grabs a nearby rock. Immediately you knew where he was going with this. You two get low and weave through the trees and bushes, getting as close to the east gate as you could while being concealed. 

The walls around the compound were tall; well set-up, but nowhere near as secure as an ordinary base. Once the guards were distracted, you'd need to round the corner as soon as you walked through the gate. Ghost lifts the rock high above his head and chucks it across the way. The rock goes high enough above the guards heads to not be seen by them, as it collides against the wall to the right of them.

The moment they take their eyes away, Ghost and you rush through the gate, staying to the edge of the walls as you curve and make your way inside the compound. 

The whole time you moved, you knowingly observed the lieutenant, seeing how he worked. The man moved like a predator, all his movements premeditated down to the last step. He was fast too. Thoughts stayed in his mind for a matter of seconds before he's found a way to implement them into action, almost always flawlessly. Surely from years of practice.

In some ways he reminded you of Graves.

You both move from the gate, running in between two small buildings, as the night provides you cover. Most of the buildings looked to be abandoned stores and offices converted into a small outpost of sorts. From how scarce the personnel is here, it's clear this spot wasn't meant to be one of their normal hubs. They've got something specific going on here. 

All you needed to do now was locate Site Delta.

Ghost leaned into you, his voice so low and gruff you had to lean in yourself to hear him speak. 

"Stick to the walls."

You nod.

Ghost keeps close to you, making sure that you're right behind him, without ever having to look back. It was almost like a sixth sense. And you instinctively stay near him as well, not wanting to lose him in the chaos.

Your bodies trace the walls of these buildings, pausing abruptly when a group of soldiers ran by. You'd practically bumped into Ghost, had he not put his arm out to stop you. He kept his arm extended, almost as though to shield you with his own body. Rather chivalrous of him. But he made no comment on it. No fuss. He only does what's instinctive.

The soldiers scattered about the base like chickens with their heads cut off. It's safe to say that that explosion had them spiraling. Whether or not that was a good thing though, you weren't sure. Once they'd cleared up, you and Ghost move on.

You reach the corner of another wall, peaking over the edge with the lieutenant. Your eyes land on a small, one story building composed of concrete. The one with all the wires and satellite dishes sticking out of it. Site Delta.

"Shadow-1," Ghost spoke. "We're in the compound. Got visual on the site."

"Copy that," Graves said. "Make it quick. AQ is just reaching the blast area now. We've set more charges in the perimeter but I'd say y'all've got 20 minutes before they return."

"Rog'. Preparing to breach the site now."

You both cross over to Site Delta, pressing your backs to its walls as you slowly made your way around. There are no windows, no signs, just empty gray walls, before you eventually come across a door. A locked door. But penetrable.

"We'll need something to pry it open with," he said. 

You quickly observe the lock. It was a heftier one, but not anything high end. The right pair of hands could get that open, and you were just the person for the job.

"I got this."

You kneel in front of it, digging in your hair as you retrieve a bobby pin. You take your knife from its holster and begin fumbling around with the lock. In the meantime, you feel Ghost watching over you, keeping an eye on the perimeter.

You begin hearing shouts in the distance. A group of soldiers from the sound of it.

"We need to get in fast," Ghost states.

"I'm working on it," you say. And right on time, you hear the lock finally click open, the door slowly opening. "There!"

Ghost's large arm reaches over your head to take the door in his hand, as he holds it open for you. He says nothing, but looks down at you, waiting for you to enter.

You look up at him rather silly. "Lady's first, right?"

"Get inside, woman."

The monotone of his words never failed to bring a laugh out of you, though you kept quiet as you entered the site.

The place was not large at all. The interior was as gray as the exterior, as fluorescent lights buzz overhead obnoxiously. You remove your night vision goggles once inside, though it was still dimly lit. The place was set up almost like some sort of underground bunker -- complete with dingy furniture, shelves, all the works. And the room was clearly lived in too, if the smelt meant anything. You half expected to see someone inside. But the place was vacant, both of humans, and of any terminals.

"This can't be all that's in here," you say. 

Ghost immediately begins looking through the room, shoving furniture about and making quick checks at the front entrance. "Look for hidden doors," he said. "We've got fifteen minutes to find where those wires are leading, or the mission's a bust."

You join him in redecorating the room, checking for all the obvious places a hidden door could be. It wasn't underneath the rug. Nor was it behind any of the beds. As you come across a large, empty bookshelf, you feel a small breeze hit you, causing you to pause.

Upon further examination, the shelf seemed out of place, unnatural looking, having no books on it. As you step closer, you hear the faint sound of a machine humming. Running computers maybe?

"Ghost," you wave for him. "Come check this out."

The lieutenant approaches, staring at the bookshelf as curious as you were a moment ago. He wastes no time in shoving it to the side. You would have asked if he needed help, but he did so with ease, his large frame not only for show it seems.

You also just noticed how nice his arms looked when he took hold of the bookshelf. His grip was firm and unmoving, a lot like his personality.

It appears your intuition was correct, because behind the shelf was indeed a hidden door. You push it open, seeing a short stairwell leading down into a dark basement, where lights pool out from the end of the corridor. Ominous, but exactly what you’ve been looking for.

"Nice work," Ghost says.

"I live to serve," you respond.

"Good," he says. "Take point. I'll cover."

You lead the way in, keeping your gun lifted and ready to fire at the first thing that moved in front of it. Each step you take on your descent down grows colder, the wooden floorboards just barely creaking. Ghost stays close, his gun pointed over your shoulder, as he listens with you.

As you draw near the bottom, it opens into another room, only this time it's full of what you expected to see. Crates on crates of guns, and computer terminals, the room littered with a variety of cables and wires. Some kind of database from the looks of it, if not some place they were using for communications as well..

What you did not see was the butt of a rifle that came crashing into the side of your skull seconds later. 

The end of the weapon ripples against the left side of your head, causing you to lose your footing and fall to the ground. You black out for a split second, unconsciously doing what you can to catch yourself on the ground. When you came to, you saw the culprit responsible -- an AQ soldier who must have heard you two breaching in.

You see the barrel of his rifle take aim at you.

You feel for your own gun, only to see it had slid away from you when you'd fallen.

Fuck.

Just then, you watch Ghost barge into the basement like a large beast. You’re not sure when the lieutenant pulled his knife out, though there was no mistaking it when he drove the blade into the AQ soldier’s throat. Barbarically. The AQ soldier looked as though he hadn’t even processed what had happened to him yet; he never stood a chance.

Ghost grabs hold of the man, keeping his blade lodged in his neck, as blood pools over his glove-covered hands, dripping onto the floor. The lieutenant drags the AQ soldier’s body and throws him on the other side of the crates, regardless of whether or not the man was actually dead yet. But as his body fell to the ground, he didn’t stand back up.

That takes care of that then; it even hides the body.

“Clear,” Ghost calls out.

Once the immediate danger is gone, your head promptly sends a sharp throbbing pain above your left brow where you’d been hit. You reach up to touch the injured area, only to feel a cool, wet substance stain your fingers. You bring your hand in front of you and see the blood. It begins to pool lightly, getting caught in your eyebrow.

“You alright?” Ghost asks.

Your brain certainly did not appreciate being rocked in your skull like it had, but you still felt put together, given the circumstances. You bring yourself back to your feet and roughly wipe the blood from your brow, unintentionally smearing it. “I’ve had hangovers worse than this,” you joke.

“Be more careful next time,” Ghost chided.

Fair enough.

You rush over to the terminal, taking a good look at everything you had going on here. Yeah, you could work with this. This wasn’t anything you haven’t seen before. You quickly pull off your pack and begin retrieving everything you need to scan through their systems and store it for later. 

As you get to work, Ghost stands guard by the entrance. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

You press a few keys on the keyboard and observe a few things pop up on the screen -- advanced firewalls their systems have to counter data breaches. Easy enough to bypass. In a matter of minutes you were scanning through all their files and data banks; soon there wouldn’t be a megabyte amount of encrypted files you haven’t downloaded.

Work like this was delicate though. It required absolute precision. One wrong move could lock you out and blow your cover. Though you were confident in your abilities. 

In a way you had Graves to thank for that. The man knew his way around a network like he’d been bred for it. You couldn't ask for a better teacher.

“Baby,” you say. “I’m a tech guru with this shit.” 

“I’ll take your word for it,” Ghost comments. 

“Graves,” you say into your comms. “I’m breaching their network now. Should have a full scan of everything in four minutes.”

“Atta girl!” 

You admit, his praise gave you butterflies. You don’t feel ashamed smiling to yourself, though you nearly miss what he’s saying, with your heart beating in your ears and all.

“We’re making our way to the rendezvous point. I’ll set off one more diversion; that should keep them away long enough for your escape.”

“Copy that, Commander.”

“We’ll see you at the rendezvous point. Just holler if you need me. Graves, out.”

More blood trickles from your cut now, pooling straight into the creases of your eye. You lift your hand and continue to rub the blood away, trying not to let it take your attention from what your doing. But rubbing only seems to make the blood come out more profusely.

“Shit,” you swear to yourself. 

“What is it?” Ghost asks. He lingers near the doorway, your back turned to him.

“It’s nothing,” you say.

You hear Ghost’s footsteps approach, as you feel his large presence stop just within your bloodied peripheral. Towering over you. If his eyes were hands, he would have explored your entire form with them. You find it difficult to meet his gaze, so you opt for the screen in front of you instead.

“You’ve any bandages?” he asked.

“In my pack,” you say.

“You should handle that then.”

“My hands are sort of busy right now,” you say. “Unless you want to do it.”

You meant it more to be a smartass than a serious proposal. Sure the blood was in your eye and it was annoying the shit out of you, but it wasn’t world ending. However, you suddenly hear him unzipping your pack, his crude hands digging inside earnestly.

He called your bluff.

“I was only kidding,” you tell him. “Though I appreciate the gesture.”

“You’ll want both your eyes, lieutenant,” he said.

Ghost stands awkwardly at your side, awaiting your official approval before moving in to clean your wound. You half expected him to just do it with no regard, seeing as he's the practical one between you two. But he halts, not wanting to overstep. You take note of that.

“I’m not stopping you," you say.

Ghost kneels down so that he’s leveled to your height, while your head remains turned to the computer screen, your hands glued to the keyboard. You feel him take hold of your chin, propping your head up a bit. His touch is reserved, these small movements the most cautious you've seen him all night, which said a lot. He takes the alcohol soaked gauze and begins to clean your wound.

You flinched at the sting, settling into his hand as he continued to work. He was efficient, making sure not to take too long. He pressed the gauze gently against your cheek, as he cleans the blood from you. Once he’d finished, he grabs a bandage and rips it open, laying it over your cut.

You two don’t speak the entire interaction.

What went on in his mind, you wondered. He must find you a pretty lousy soldier, getting taken down like that. And now he's having tend to you because you bleed easy. You admit, it made you feel a little pathetic.

You think out loud to yourself, having meant it for your ears as much as his. “I’m not normally this inept.”

You feel Ghost take his thumb and smooth out the bandage over your cut. Though it hurt, his attempts to make sure you were secure felt incredibly genuine. He truly was a man of subtlety.

“Nobody’s perfect, Songbird,” he said.

“It’s Canary.”

He pauses.

“I rest my case.”

Ghost steps away from you once he’s finished, taking his rifle back in his hand and returning to the door. You have a moment with yourself in the meantime, the disillusionment settling in. You hadn’t planned on being a burden tonight. Yet strangely enough, Ghost’s words seemed to help, if only a little.

“Thank you,” you tell him.

Ghost is quiet for a moment, before you hear him say casually, “I told the commander I’d get you back in one piece.”

“Well you know I couldn’t make that easy for you,” you joke.

“Evidently not.”

You laugh under your breath.

The device you’d stuck into the terminal makes an affirming beep, letting you know that the scans were complete. You couldn’t wait to get out of here.

“It’s done,” you tell Ghost. “Let’s head out.”

…

The moon had nearly gone, as the sky became a soft, dark shade of orange and blue, the stars seldom remaining. The trees are lulled by the rising dusk, birds breaking the silence of the woods with their scarce melodies. The further you and Ghost traverse up this hill, the more the chirping drowns out the distant commotion from the compound behind you.

Sneaking out was relatively easy, thanks to the second set of bombs Graves detonated. Even if they find the body, they’ll have no clue of knowing of your involvement. The mission was a success, so long as Laswell’s able to get anything out of this data you swiped.

Of course, she’ll get this after you’ve taken a look for yourself. You didn’t need Laswell finding anything she didn’t need to know.

The stress you felt was undefinable. Your head was fucking killing you.

“How much further from the rendezvous point?” you ask.

“About a mile.”

You could make that.

You stay a few feet behind Ghost, practically following the man’s shadow as he led you forward. After your mission today, you felt good about working with him, even as you were disappointed in your own performance.

You kept thinking about that small moment you two had.

The throbbing in your head just did not seem to want to end. You were practically fantasizing downing a bottle of painkillers; you couldn’t wait to crash back into bed as well. You just needed this mile to hurry up so you could get back on the helo and get out of here.

You bring your eyes back to the rear side of Ghost again. The man was surely task-focused, you’ll give him that. Just from how laboriously he moved, you imagined he could probably go another day or two out here with nothing but his pack alone. Some men were just built different.

“You know,” you speak suddenly. “I think I know what music you like.”

“What then?” he asks, in a mood to be humored it seems.

“Folk music,” you say.

“Is that right?”

“Mhm,” you nod to yourself. “You seem like someone who likes a soothing voice with a soft guitar.”

“That does sound nice.”

“Am I right then?”

“Negative.”

You can’t help but blow raspberries to yourself. You were sure you had him pegged there for a second. You look down to your feet and think to yourself for a moment. “Would you tell me the truth if I was?”

“No.”

“I think you would”

“I don’t.”

You chuckle to yourself and continue to follow him through the woods. You honestly felt like you could go back-and-forth with him all day, if you didn’t feel so much like the gnat in his ear when you did it. If he were easier to read, you’d feel more confident in your behavior. But if anything, you’ve felt you’ve been more bare to him tonight than he ever let slip to you.

“Is there a reason you keep asking so many questions?”

His words catches you off guard. It also gives you more information than you believe he realized. Perfect. You could lie and say something stupid for your answer; deflect his question like he liked doing with yours, or tell him you had no reason for it.

You settle for something more honest.

“I just wanted to get to know you.”

Ghost grows quiet. Your words seems to be ones he did not expect to hear either; it’s the first time you’ve seen him somewhat at a loss. You imagine others were more interested in talking at him or about him, than talking to want to know him. It isn’t every day someone really takes interest in him, and it shows. Though he does not let the surprise last for very long.

“You're very strange.” Before you could reply to his comment, he starts to speak into his comms again. He probably did so on purpose. “Shadow-1, we’re approaching the rendezvous point. Check your fire.”

“Rog’,” Graves says. “We’ll be on the lookout.”

Ghost looks back at you for the first time since you’ve re-entered the woods. Though it's still fairly dark, you can find his black gaze from a mile away. “I’m not someone you’d want to know,” he said.

“And why is that?” you ask.

“People who do tend to regret it.”

“I’m not most people.”

“I knew there was some reason I said I didn’t dislike you,” he said.

Ghost stops walking suddenly, putting an arm out to stop you behind him. A tendency, it seems. You peek over his shoulder to see what’s brought him to a halt, noticing the helo parked in the distance, along with the rest of your team.

You see Graves and Soap sitting against the helicopter, weapons still at the ready, though they seemed to have the area locked down tight. Upon seeing you two in the distance, you watch both the Sergeant and the Commander wave and make their way to you.

Ah Graves. You hadn’t realized how much you missed him until you saw that charming smile of his grow on his face. He had to have been thinking of you too, from the way he took such strides towards you. Like you’d been apart for years.

“There you two are,” Graves spoke. “How’d it go?”

“I got everything we needed,” you say to him. “We get this to Laswell and it’ll be a job well done.”

“That’s what I’m talking about!” the commander cheers. He looks behind you at Ghost, who’s gone back to keeping his distance from you two. “My lieutenant wasn’t too much trouble was she?” Graves asked.

You wouldn’t blame Ghost for being honest if he was. You didn’t feel like you did much at all this mission, beyond tag alongside the lieutenant and put yourself in harm’s way. You awaited the man’s answer, looking back at him yourself to see if you could get a clue.

What you were met with were a pair of dark eyes looking into yours. Though they were the same eyes as before, they were different as well. Ghost looks to the commander when he speaks.

“You’ve got a good one, Commander.”

You don’t hide your smile. You imagined Ghost was smiling underneath his mask as well. Something told you he was. For a moment you looked at one another and felt validated in his eyes. Words couldn’t begin to describe how gratuitous this felt. It made time stand still.

Graves eyes look to you. He then looks at Ghost, before returning back to you with a more crooked smile this time. He even raises an eyebrow and stands up straight. “I sure know how to pick ‘em,” he comments. And suddenly you’re reminded of everything again. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Graves continues. “I owe you all some drinks now.”

Graves makes his way back to the helo, though you and Ghost linger momentarily. It had only been a few hours tonight that you worked alongside the lieutenant, yet you felt closer now. You felt you could trust him. And you wanted to know what kept him standing here with you, because you were beginning to read him more. He didn’t seem like one to linger, not unless something drove him to do so. Was it you who did?

“Will I see you for drinks later?” you ask him.

“You buyin’ too?” he asks.

“If it means I’ll see you tonight.”

“I might take you up on that then.”

Your lips curve bashfully, eyes still set on Ghost’s, who had not looked from you once since starting again. If the others noticed you two standing by the helo, they did not seem to comment. Or rather you two didn’t care.

You didn't.

“Good.”

...Chapter Six Here!

[venusiangguk]

gold rush | jjk (m)

>>pairing: jungkook x reader

>>genre: pwp, smut, college au (kinda), established relationship

>>word count: 5k+

>>warnings: oral (m/f), fingering (f), phone sex, normal sex, explicit sex, slapping tits, slapping, crying, degrading, dirty talk, all the sex stuff, jks a lil mean and condescending but it’s very cool and sexy

>>notes: hello! this is my first post on here :) it’s part of a longer scenario i’m just seeing how it’s received before posting the full length version~~

>>summary: jk comes back from a weekend away and he wants to show you just how much he missed you. 

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

It’s a Saturday night and you’re laying in your boyfriends dorm room bed by yourself. You’re bored and alone because Jeongguk had an away tournament that was far enough to warrant a hotel for the weekend. Typically you would have tagged along like many of the students at your university, but you had had a test on Friday that you couldn’t miss. Which is why you found yourself wrapped in one of his t shirts, under his blanket scrolling absently through your phone not really paying attention to anything much, just going from app to app.

Due to the lack of anything better to do, you boredly slipped your hand under the waist band of your panties. Not particularly horny... just passing the time you would say. You casually ran your fingertips over your smooth lips before yanking your hand out, being struck with an idea. You quickly type a text to Jeongguk.

you :

hi

i’m touching myself rn

Short sweet and to the point. You nibble on your lip as you see the typing bubble pop up not even 5 seconds after it says ‘delivered’.

koo 🥴:

hi

pics ? 🥺

You roll your eyes. Two years of dating and that’s still how he responds.

you :

no way

wyd rn ??

koo 🥴:

:(

why not

i’m at dinner w my team

jimin and tae say hi

-insert pic-

You smile at the pic your boyfriend took of his friends. You were pretty close to all of the team but more so Taehyung and Jimin, seeing as you and Jeongguk would go on double dates with the couple quite often.

you:

tell them i said hi and that they should kiss 😌

Immediately he responds.

koo 🥴:

they said only if u send me pics 😌

You laugh before snapping a selfie to send to him.

you:

you didn’t even ask them but ok 🙄

koo 🥴:

ur in my shirt while jerking off ?

😩 🤌 🏻

pics PLASE

PLEASE**

You giggle and you’re about to respond when you get a facetime call from him.

“You’re so impatient,” You scold. From the looks of it, he’s in a bathroom stall.

“And you’re so mean.” He pouts. “Lemme see ‘em.”

You think about being annoying and making him wait more, but he looks so handsome and hopeful that you just can’t bring yourself to tease much. You grab the bottom of his loose t shirt and pull it up and tuck it under your chin. The cool air of the room makes your nipples harden and you grab one of your tits in your free hand and squeeze and shake it gently. “These?” You ask sweetly.

His eyes are hooded and he subconsciously runs his tongue over his lips before biting the plump bottom one softly. He’s blushing when he says, “Mhmm, they’re so pretty. Will you lick them for me, baby?”

You groan. “You know I hate doing that.”

He swallows, and fusses with his hair for a second before his hand goes out of frame again. “I know it just- makes me so hard, I love watching you do it. You don’t have to though.”

You sigh and grip under your boob, and do your best to get your nipple to your mouth. They aren’t small but at the same time they aren’t the biggest so its kinda tough, but if you really try you can get it done. Once you swirl your tongue around your nipple, you hear a soft moan come from your phone speaker and you feel it go straight to your pussy. You suck on your nipple a little more before pulling off with a loud pop!

“Are you hard?” You ask, a slight shake to your voice as you get more and more turned on. He nods. “Are you touching?” He nods again. “Show me.”

He doesn’t hesitate. He pulls his sweater up and holds it between his teeth so you can see his toned stomach as well as the bulge in his pants. He runs his hand over it, toying with the tip some, making soft muffled noises fall from his lips. His stomach tenses a little bit.

You put your hand down your panties again, and tease a little at your clit. “You look so good, I wish you weren’t so far away...” You whine quietly.

Jeongguk groans and brings his face back into view. “I know, baby. I can’t even stay here with you to help or coach will get suspicious. We are supposed to be team bonding before the final game tomorrow.” He rolls his eyes. “I’ve got to will this boner away and go back out there.” He sounds like it pains him as much as it pains you to finish off alone.

“Take it out really quick, just for a second,” You say quickly before he goes.

He scowls playfully. “I really can’t stay, so just a little.”

You lick your lips and nod quickly, rubbing your fingers on your clit a little faster.

He gets the angle right and unbuttons his pants and pulls his hard cock out just enough for him to stroke up and down. He groans once he gets a hand around himself at the same time that you let out a high pitch moan.

Jeongguks cock is so pretty. It’s fat and plump and pink. Shiny at the tip where he’s already leaking. He always gets so wet for you, just like you get wet for him. His hand wrapped around himself is truly a sight. His long slender fingers moving up and down before the whole hand grips around his girth. He’s thick and long and the thought of him filling you up makes you whine and your pussy pulse.

“Are you touching yourself baby?” He whispers.

You nod. “Yes, yeah... please come home. Right now.”

He hums on a laugh. “Show me how wet that pretty pussy gets for me.”

You swirl your fingers around your wetness before bringing the glistening digits up into view of the camera. He groans and his head falls back before putting the camera back down to his cock to show you how fast he’s stroking.

“You get that wet for me even though I’m miles and miles away? How slutty baby... How do you taste hmm? Sweet like when I last tasted you just a couple of days ago?”

You’re just about to suck your fingers into your mouth for him when you hear a door open through your phone speaker.

“Kook? It’s time to stop jerking off and participate in the bonding activities, Captain .”

You can tell from the deep voice that it’s Taehyung that came to get him. You giggle quietly.

“Yeah yeah, I’m coming give me a minute.” He says through the bathroom stall. He sighs, and gives you a playful eye roll like he’s exasperated.

“Don’t cum while I’m here, and be thankful that it was me that came to get you and not coach. Bye y/n!” He says loudly.

“Bye Tae!” You squeak as you hear the door close.

Jeongguk groans, but smiles lazily at you. “Guess I gotta go.”

You hum. “Guess you do Captain.”

He laughs a little as he does his pants back up, tucking his now mostly soft cock away. “I love you. Cheer me on tomorrow. I’ll see you after, but I probably won’t get back to the dorms till late. Are you gonna be there still or are you going back to yours?”

“I’ll wait for you. Score a goal for me, and text me later. Love you.” You smooch at the screen and Jeongguk does the same before the call ends.

And with that you are once again left alone, but a lot more horny than before the talk. So you do what any sensible person would do.

You pull up the hub.

~~~

Jeongguk walks into his dorm room around 10 pm, and the first thing he sees is you, right where you were when you hung up the night before after your little facetime sesh. The only difference is that you’re wearing a different shirt, still his, and you have ice cream in your hand and your laptop set up on your lap a show playing in the background.

At the sound of the door opening your eyes find his and you quickly set your food down on his night stand, and fling the covers off your lap, paying no mind to the mac book that is now buried somewhere under his comforter, before squealing and flinging yourself into his arms.

He grabs you easily, bags dropping to the floor, hands under your butt to keep you hoisted. You wrap you legs around his tiny waist and smush your lips to his cheek and mumble a distorted, “I missed you.”

“Okay so kiss me about it,” He says back, eyes glinting and lips puckered.

You giggle, placing your hands on his cheeks, angling your head to slot your lips between his. He parts easily for you, and starts to walk you both back to his bed before he drops you where he found you. You bounce lightly and take a second to take him in.

He’s wearing oversized comfy clothes, grey sweats and a big white long sleeve shirt. His long hair is soft and shiny, falling over his pretty face delicately. He must have had a shower at the hotel after the game. He looks soft and oh so sweet. You just want to devour him. From the looks of the semi in his pants, he’s feeling the same way about you.

“Ah, already getting hard for me?” You coo, hand cupping him over his sweats. He pushes against your palm, unashamed. “You just got here baby.”

He shrugs looking down at you. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you all weekend. I had to rub one out in the bathroom room last night as soon as we got back to the hotel. Tae and Jimin were right outside.”

You nuzzle into the material of his sweats feeling his cock quickly become fully erect as you mouth at it. His hand comes down to cup your cheek, run through your hair. “I watched porn after we got off the phone.”

“Did you?” He asks, shifting away for a second so he can pull his sweats down, leaving him in his briefs. You see a little wet patch where the tip is. You suck lightly over the material and he moans loud and clear for you. He sounds so much prettier in person, over the phone just doesn’t compare.

“Yeah, came so hard. Was thinking about you and me.”

“Fuck. Did you make a mess all over my sheets?”

You shake your head as you slowly pull the waist band of his briefs down his hard cock. Once it’s free it bounces in front of your face, flushed and begging for your mouth. You stroke lightly while saying, “No, but I did find something that I wanna try.” You flick your tongue under the head and the hand in your hair tightens and pushes slightly. You part your lips and let him in.

“Mmm, you can tell me all about it once I’m done with you. I can’t wait any longer baby. Swallow me,” He moans, both hands going to the back of your head and pulling you farther onto his cock. He jerks when he feels you swallow around the tip. “So fucking good.” He sighs.

You let him have his way, fucking your throat a little, although he’s much gentler than he usually is when he does it, and he does it for a much shorter time. He must be tired from the weekend, or he must have something else in mind for tonight.

“Lay back baby.” He says when he pulls out of your throat, crawling on the mattress. He finds your discarded laptop and places it under the bed out of the way. You both remove the rest of your clothes before you do as he says and he settles down between your legs.

You figure since he got hard literally on arrival, that he wouldn’t waste time with teasing, would get right to the good part. But no. He takes his sweet time kissing, licking and biting at your thighs, squeezing them roughly in his hands. He nuzzles into your skin flicking the lightest lick over you pussy lips before pulling back and blowing a little. You gasp and roll your hips, trying to get him closer to where you wanted, spreading your legs even farther apart, presenting yourself to him. But he’s having none of that.

“Stop fucking squirming,” He groans before you feel his grip tighten on your hips. But still he doesn’t go where you want him, so you fight against his hold.

“Stop teasing then,” you whine with a scowl.

He bites at your inner thigh. “Hush baby.”

You huff and hit your tiny fists on the bed, frustrated and fussy. “Make me.”

Jeongguk stills and you gulp. He glances up from between your thighs, and he quirks an eyebrow at you.

“What was that?” He asks, much too calmly.

“I said make me.” You whisper poutily.

He sighs and sits up. You get to whine for just a second before you’re yelping and squeezing your legs shut. He just smacked your pussy.

“Shut up.” He says. He doesn’t sound angry, very casual in fact. He rubs his hands over your legs, easing them back open. “Y’know y/n, I had a very long weekend. Travelled hours to play 4 games in two days. Travelled hours back.” He’s running his fingertips over your pussy lips, smearing around the slick you know is pouring out of you. You shiver. You love it when he gets like this. You love it every time your guys are together, but when he’s extremely one way or the other, extremely dominant or extremely submissive? It just makes your entire body burn and your pussy ache. “I even scored a goal for you in the final.” He glances at you, finally sneaking his finger between your folds, he grazes your clit and you shiver, legs spreading even more. “All I wanted to do was get home and take care of you... Make my girl feel good...” He’s rubbing circles around the little nub and your hips slowly start to rock into his touch, breathing heavy from the pleasure. His girl. Yes. You’re his girl. You tell him so.

“Really?” He asks. You nod. He hums. “That’s funny because all I see here is a brat .” He spits out, before another smack lands on your sensitive cunt.

You cry out, trying to close your legs again, but he holds them open. He settles between them again and says sternly, “Now be good. I’m going to do it how I want. Do you understand?” You whisper a tiny yes. He sighs like he’s relieved that you’re not going to be difficult and put up much of a fight, so he can finally do what he’s been wanting to for days. He pushes back on your thighs so your cunt it fully exposed to him, and he spits on it before rubbing his fingers around the sticky mess. Every time he rubs over your clit you twitch, but you’re trying to be good.

“So fucking messy baby. So gross.” He says sweetly as presses his tongue flat on your opening before licking all the way to your clit. He moans at the taste of you despite his words just a moment ago and your eyes roll back. He’s in a mean mood now. And you’re gushing for it. “You’re lucky you’re so pretty baby... because your little cunt is so nasty , just leaking all over the place. I’ve barely even touched her, and she’s dripping down to my sheets. How did you manage to keep them clean while I was gone hmm?” He doesn’t let you respond, quickly sucking your clit into his mouth suctioning it just a bit before flicking the tip of his tongue over it quickly.

“Ah, f-fuck-“ You gasp. You raise yourself onto your elbows so you can watch. He hums around your clit before he flicks his eyes to you. You whimper, squeezing your eyes shut before falling to your back again, not able to handle the gaze he gives you.

He pulls off and uses his fingers to open your lips and pull the hood back before making his tongue flat and licking slowly over your exposed clit.

“Oh my god- That’s- that feels so good baby,” You say between breaths. Your legs are starting to get a slight tremble to them but still, you pull them farther back, making yourself as open as you can for his tongue.

He hums and then smiles, biting at your clit gently, making you jolt. “Feels good baby?” He rubs his fingers all over your core again. You nod and he says, “Could have felt good before and not had spanks if you weren’t so fucking bad.” He swats your cunt again lightly, before sighing and kissing your clit sweetly. Your head is spinning from the switches in his mood but you love it. Love that you don’t know what to expect when he slides his fingers into you. He moans and rests his head on your inner thigh, watching as his fingers slip in and out of your heat. He looks like he’s in awe of your cunt, watching as it clenches and sucks his fingers in. He looks so lovely between your legs.

“Always so fucking tight, can’t wait to get my cock in here.” When he says ‘here’ he curls his fingers inside of you and your back arches off of the bed, and you moan his name loudly. “That’s it baby...” He whispers against your core before he starts to thrust his fingers into you, curling on the pull out. He adds his mouth and you start to shake. Your hands find his hair and you pull him closer, feel him lick and suck at your clit like its the best thing he’s ever tasted. He moans while he eats your pussy. And he has the nerve to call you nasty. He’s absolutely filthy.

“I- close-“ You choke out, relishing in the sloppy wet pleasure that his mouth and fingers are giving you.

He says ‘mhmm’ against your clit before pulling away to get out a quick, “Fuck. Yeah you are, cum for me.” and then he’s diving right back in, focusing on where you’re most sensitive, your clit and your g spot.

“There baby, yeah- fuck , don’t stop ,” You whine quietly as your body tenses. Your legs are shaking out of control, before the string in you snaps and you cry out. Your thighs close around his head and you grind your cunt into his face riding out your orgasm before it gets too much and your try to squirm away. But Jeongguk holds you there until you’re almost crying from the overstimulation.

You pull at his hair, begging him to stop, and finally, he does. He pulls away from your messy cunt, and lays himself on top of you before kissing you deep, wasting no time sticking his tongue in your mouth so you can taste yourself on him. You moan and twine your fingers through his long hair, arching your body to get as close to him as you can. You feel him start to rut his cock over your sensitive core, and gasp. He’s so hard, you can feel him throb against you. He pulls away and grips his cock at the base, lining it up with your pussy before sliding it up and down, teasing your clit even more, mixing his precum with his spit and your slick. He focuses his frenulum on your clit, and his hips twitch. His head rolls back, and his mouth opens in a silent moan. He pulls back and when he looks at you again, he looks wild. His eyes are dark with desire and his pupils are blown. His hands grip at your body like he can’t get enough of you. You’ll have pretty little bruise blossoms all over your body in the morning. Finally, the tip of his cock breaches your center.

You’re so hot, and tight, and so fucking wet around him, that Jeongguk can’t keep the moan that falls from his lips locked away as he pushes inside of you. He pushes all the way to the hilt, you can feel him flush against your clit. Your mouth falls open in pleasure, but your eyes never leave him, the first thrust always being your favorite. Finally getting filled up like you wanted. You can feel him in your belly, heat pooling there as he lets you adjust to his size. Sometimes he likes press his hand into your tummy while he fucks you. Says can feel his cock splitting you open. You watch the man above you part his lips and furrow his brows in pleasure while he does his best to not go too fast, tries not to thrust into you wildly like he so wants to.

He’s leaning over you, hands on the side of your head. You run your palms up his sides, whispering, “I’m good, you feel so good. Give it to me please.” You lean up and press a kiss to his collarbone.

He’s quick as he hikes your legs up and hooks them on his shoulders. He rests some of his weight on you, bending you in half as he starts moving his hips. He pulls out to just the tip before slamming back in with one swift motion. Your hands claw at his back, the angle he has you in allowing him to reach even deeper. Gasps are punched out of you as he starts to set his brutal, sharp pace, not forgetting how bad your were earlier. He’s going to make sure you feel every inch of him for days.

“Oh my god, fuck. That’s so fucking good, Jeongguk. Please fuck me,” Your moans are high pitched and close to sobs.

He leans back some and spreads your legs wide, hands on your ankles to keep them open and he looks down slowing his thrust to watch as he slides into your little cunt. Your pussy is swollen and pink around his cock. He can see your arousal shiny on the base of his cock. “Fuuuck,” He moans as he closes his eyes basking in the feel of you clenching tight around him. He’s slowly pulling his cock from you, only for you pussy to pull him right back in. “This pussy was made to take my cock, huh?” He says speeding up. You nod and tell him, “Yes only your cock gets me this wet, this fucking hot.” He pumps his cock into you hard enough for you to get jostled, so your words come out in choppy and incoherent moans.

The way he’s fucking you makes your tits bounce, perky and pretty. He growls and leans down to suck a nipple into his mouth. You arch into his touch, cute little mewls falling from your lips as his tongue flicks over the small bud. You brush his long hair out of his eyes, holding him to your tit as he makes goosebumps rise to your skin.

“That feels so nice baby,” You say. It’s quiet and desperate, you head thrown back, neck extended and bared to him.

His eyes flick up to look at you, still playing with your nipples. He sees you bared in submission and can’t help the hand that rubs up your torso all the way to your neck. Just begging to have a hand around it. He pulls off your your tit, letting one of your legs fall to around his waist and you moan loud and long as the picks up his pace again.

Your favorite position. He knows how to fuck you any and every way, but like this he fucks you just right, making you fall apart in no time at all. The hand around your throat tightens at the sides, making the moans and whines that come out of your mouth high pitched and airy. The lack of blood flow to your brain makes you feel lightheaded and fuzzy, almost euphoric as he fucks you into submission. His free hand smacks your tits lightly, and you clench from the dull pain as they jiggle. Jeongguk swears.

“God your pussy is just milking my cock, not even letting me pull out all the way. Such a greedy , selfish little cunt. Can’t get enough of this cock filling her up.” He grips your hips with both hands and watches your pussy swallow his cock.

You giggle, soft and delirious as you feel the first signs of your orgasm pool in the pit of your belly, right where Jeongguk’s cock is pounding into you.

“You think that’s funny?” He questions. He grips your jaw and makes you look at him. Your cheeks are smushed and your eyes water from the hold he has on you. “You think being a selfish, greedy little slut is funny?” He presses against the side of your face, biting at your cheek like he just needs to sink his teeth into something to let out some of the pent of feelings coursing through his veins.

“I just love it. Love your cock so much,” You whimper.

Jeongguk pulls back so he can look into your eyes again. He looks at you mockingly. “You love it?” His voice is condescending and it makes your pussy drip. “You fucking love it?” He looks crazed as his hips jackhammer into your cunt, the slaps of his skin meeting yours ringing loud and clear throughout the dorm. Bless his poor neighbors.

“Yes, yes I fucking love it,” God you’re going to cum.

He feels how close you are, sees the way your legs are trembling. He’s moaning when he says, “Shit baby, show me how much you love it. Show me, make that little pussy cream all over my fat cock.”

You nod helplessly as your body jerks in his hold. You can feel your pussy contract over his cock as he brings you the precipice of your pleasure. Tears fall from your eyes from how overwhelmingly good it feels.

Jeongguk fucks into you a few more times, the last of your orgasm leaving your body, as you listen to the higher pitched moans falling from his lips at a faster rate than before. He gasps as he pulls out and positions himself over your heaving chest, cock right in your face as he fists it fast.

“Fuck, open you mouth,” He says, voice dripping with pleasure. You do, smiling, tongue out. He groans deep before his hips jerk and he whispers, “I’m gonna cum,” with heavy lust filled eyes. You feel the first shot of cum land on your cheek.

“Mmm yeah, cum all over my face,” You hum, blissed out.

He milks every last drop of his load out, and you suckle on the tip until he’s whining and shivering, pulling back with an overwhelmed, overly sensitive gasp.

He catches his breath for a second before he gets up and makes his way to bathroom. He sees you about to wipe the cum off your face and says, “Wait a sec.”

You sit patiently, criss cross apple sauce, cum on your face, eyes red and wet from the tears you shed, until he comes back with a wet wash cloth in one hand. He makes a stop at his bags on the floor and fishes his phone out.

He sets the wash cloth on the night stand next to your forgotten, melted ice cream and pulls up the camera.

“Smile baby,” He says, softly giggling.

You do, big and radiant, throwing up a little finger heart. You hear the shutter a few times before his phone takes the place of the wash cloth on the night stand. You reach for it to clean yourself, but he pulls away, wanting to do it himself.

You smile as he concentrates and gently cleans up his mess from your face. His tongue peaks out of his lips and you peck him. He stills before scowling with a small smile, and continuing.

“You look so pretty when you have my nut all over you face,” He says absently. His thumb brushes under you eye. “When you cry too.” He cups your jaw and runs his thumb over your cheek bone. “I wasn’t too mean was I? Too rough?” His eyes search yours. You shake your head.

“No I like it when you get like that, ‘s sexy,” You say wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him so that you both are laying down. You wrap around him like a koala. He yawns and settles in your hold, snuggling into the bed.

“Okay good. You can be mean next time,” He sounds sleepy.

You scoff, knowing that you both know that when you take control it’s in a softer way. Degrading and being mean was his thing, what you liked. Jeongguk liked to be praised.

“Yeah okay,” You say sarcastically. “You’d cry in a non sexy way if I was even half as mean to you as you are to me,” You scratch at his scalp and he purrs.

“I’m sensitive,” He whines. Another yawn. “And sleepy. Shhhh.”

“Jeongguk wait,” You say.

“Hmm?” He says already close to knocking out.

“I wanna eat your ass next time.”

“Mhmm, okay. Now sleep please. Turn off the lamp.” He turns over, wanting to be the little spoon.

You know he didn’t actually listen to what you said, but that would not stop you from holding the ‘yes’ he gave you over his head in the morning when he’s more coherent. You flick off the lamp, and throw an arm over his waist. He snuggles back into you, fitting his body against yours. You kiss his shoulder and say, “Okay, remember that you said yes in the morning.”

All you get in response is a soft snore.

-------------------

and there it is! let me know if u want me to finish and post the whole thing! comments and feedback are appreciated!

part 2 here!

part 3 here!

[biaswreckme]

how to care for your hybrid | jjk

Pairing: hybrid!Jungkook/Reader

Member: Jungkook

Length: 5253 words

Genre: smut, fluff, angst, 5+1

Rating: 18+

Triggers/Warnings: smut, hybrid smut, oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), insinuation of past abuse (but nothing explicit or even saying what happened), mention of abandonment 

Project: @btscreatorscorner​ March workshop with the theme push the limits

Summary: how to care for your hybrid, or 5 times you cared for bunny hybrid!Jungkook and one time he took care of you

A/N: So this was supposed to be a drabble and it turned out to be a 5k fic. Alright. This was written for this month’s workshop for BTS Creators’ Corner network, and the theme was to push the limits. I had never written a hybrid fic before, so I interpret the theme as coming out of my writing comfort zone (even though it’s still smut...) Thankssss to my lobely lobely betas, @heejinnien​ for beta-reading the sfw parts of this fic, and to @taegularities​​ for beta-reading the nsfw bit :3 I love you girls ♥

You can find the sequel here.

1. Provide them with a comfortable home

You still remembered the day you had brought Jungkook home from the shelter. You had gone with a friend, just as a companion, not intending nor really wanting to adopt a hybrid. Sure, you’d feel lonely sometimes, living by yourself and in a foreign country, but the thought of adopting a hybrid had never crossed your mind. Adopting a plant? Sure. Adopting a cat? Maybe. Adopting a hybrid? Never. Until you saw him, that is.

The shelter was legit, your friend had said, having done her research. But the place still made you uncomfortable; the creatures, those people, inside the divisions - you refuse to think of them as cages - waiting for someone to help. You had to bite your lip to keep from crying upon seeing them, knowing it was a rescue shelter, and then your eyes crossed with his.

There was some magnetic energy in the air that had pulled you closer to his unit until you could read the informational pamphlet: he was named Jungkook, a rescue bunny hybrid. Your gaze had immediately shifted to the man again; he was only a couple of years younger than you, but there had been something about his gaze that almost hypnotized you. He had such wide, expressive, and round eyes glistening with moisture and paired with his ears drooping low on the back of his head, you could not resist it.

There would be a home inspection and you would need to get some provisions to fulfill all the exigencies, but you rushed to get everything together. They had provided you with a list of items to make the bunny hybrid comfortable and ease the transition, and you did not hesitate, deciding to worry about the credit card bills later.

And so you took him home. He had clung to you entering the apartment, slowly exploring the space and showing where he would be sleeping. At the shelter, they had told you the hybrid would need an appropriate bed, but you hadn’t felt comfortable just getting a bunny bed at the store, so you got him a real and human bed, wanting him to feel at ease enough to not need to shift into a full bunny to sleep - they had also told you he tended to do that, sleeping as a bunny because he did not feel comfortable in his hybrid human-like body.

You had gotten the basics necessary for the approval of the adoption, and then you took him to the store, letting him choose his own things. It would be a while until that wide-eyed, surprised look would leave his expression, even when you were alone at the apartment and just hanging out on the couch on a Sunday night. That first night, giving him the blankets and tucking him in, you promised to take care of him, and you could barely hear his voice in reply, so small and shy, even though he was much taller - and more muscly - than you. It did not feel right that he had to make himself so quiet and small if that was even possible, so you swore to yourself that you would do everything to help him come out of his shell.

And soon you would find yourself in the company of a very loud and boisterous bunny, no shame about singing, his love for gaming until late hours, and working out. And you could not avoid falling in love with him.

2. Make sure they are getting appropriate food

It was a Friday night, you got home tired after a long day at work, and you smiled to yourself, biting your own lip upon the sight that greeted you upon entering the apartment. A shirtless Jungkook, towel haphazardly thrown over his shoulders, his torso glistening with sweat from working out in your living room. He lifted his head upon hearing you enter, a big smile lighting up his face and his long ears pointed up. He got up and made a movement to hug you.

“Hi, noona!”

“Oh no, you don’t,” you barely ducked out of the day. “Jungkook, you’re sweaty…”

He was faster than you, predicting where you were going to dodge his new attempt at enveloping you with his arms, something he had been picking up whenever you joined him in a boxing workout. His arms quickly went around your body, pressing you against him, your forearms up in the failed endeavor of avoiding getting his sweat all over you. He hugged you tight, his chin resting on your shoulder and you felt one of his ears on your head as his entire body seemed to tremble, and as you looked down you saw his tail wiggle from side to side rapidly.

“You’re finally home,” he sighed, swaying you softly from side to side.

“Is everything okay, bun? I’m sorry I’m late, they had me stay…”

“I’m so hungry,” you could almost see the pout, knowing the small lisp that came out whenever he pursed his lips and whined.

You looked around the living room, seeing the empty protein shaker bottle on the coffee table, narrowing your eyes.

“Didn’t you have your shake? You were working out.”

“Well, I did…” he started.

“We went grocery shopping and there are still some veggies and fruit cut up from our weekend meal prep, bun,” you felt him hiding his face even more on your shoulder, squeezing your body. “What’s going on? Am I forgetting something?” There was a slightly teasing tone in your voice, knowing what he wanted.

“You promised…” his voice was a mumble, muffled by the way his pouty lips were pressing on your body, but before you could ask him to repeat, “You promised pizza night, noona.”

“I know, bun, I haven’t forgotten it,” you stepped away from him, looking into his eyes and seeing his demeanor change completely.

“Oh?”

“I made the order when I was stuck at a red light. I got your favorite,” you were about to continue, but was interrupted by his sweaty hug again, this time accompanied by a chuckle.

“Ok, we have just enough time to shower before it arrives, so let’s run and get ready.”

You were right and there was just enough time to quickly wash the day - and Jungkook’s sweat - away. You set up the coffee table while he went to get the pizza, knowing it would be hot and he would almost drop it entering the apartment as usual. You sat side by side on the floor in front of the small table, turning the television on to the show you have been binging, your backs propped up against the sofa.

Jungkook was usually very strict with his diet, being mindful of the food he ingested to maintain his physique and try to lower his body fat percentage - which was crazy to you, his muscles were already prominent and he seemed to get only bigger… how were you supposed to leave the house to work when you had your bun looking like that, especially early mornings, his hooded half-open eyes almost smiling at you wishing you a good day at work. Your fridge was always full of fresh and cut-up vegetables, fruit, and greens, catering to his diet (and you had to admit you have been eating much better since he entered your life). Sometimes you thought it was all his difficulties from before, his time spent in the shelter, that he had such a love for a cheesy hot pizza every once in a while during the weekend.

And how could you say no to him when he purposefully lowered his ears, pouted, and widened his big round eyes even more to convince you?

3. Explore new things together

“Come on baby, you said you wanted to try this. It’s just us now.”

“Y… yes, noona. It’s just so… big.” Jungkook’s eyes were wide open, looking at the size of the pool in the club. For as much of a muscle bunny he was, the sheer magnitude of the pool seemed to scare him.

He first brought up the idea when you were watching tv a few days ago, some random program late at night showing people on a beach, and Jungkook had seemed to be fixated on the screen. He wanted to visit the sea, for he had never been there before. You agreed to it, but you had to admit that you were scared too, so you compromised: you would start your water adventures at a pool, so he could test things out, see if he truly enjoyed being in the water and swimming.

A few calls later there you were, standing by the water. You picked a time when they said people weren’t usually in - it even involved getting a day off work so you could go this early, but you would do everything for Jungkook. You looked at him, observant, watching his reactions carefully. His ears were down the back of his head, his hands clenched together in front of his shirtless torso, his front teeth worrying into his bottom lip. You took one of his hands into yours and started taking him in the direction of the small ladder to enter the pool. For a moment you wanted to jump in, but you didn’t want to make him even more nervous.

“It’s okay, bun, we’re going into the shallower part so most of your body will be above the water, ok?”

He nodded, but still seemed hesitant to get in, waiting for you to do it first. You stepped down the small ladder, showing him that almost half of your body was above the water, that he would be safe and didn’t need to worry about this part. The water was on the warmer side; you thought going for the hot pool was the best idea to help him feel comfortable at first. He stepped in feet by feet, slowly, his nose scrunched, but the moment he felt the warmth on his feet it was like magic: his ears shot up and his eyes widened in surprise, his mouth coming into a small circle.

You smiled encouragingly and stepped back, giving him some space, seeing him put one of his feet to the bottom and then the other, grounding himself. He was taller than you and he noticed the difference in the level of the water surrounding you. You lowered your body, telling him you were doing it first so as not to frighten him and submerged yourself to get your hair wet. When you emerged, you saw his eyes were wide again, but his ears were not down as before. There was a glint of curiosity in his expression and you nodded in encouragement for him to try it out.

“It’s just like when you wet your hair in the tube, bun. Here, hold on to my hands and remember to hold your breath.”

He did so, holding them tightly in his fists as he bent his knees and lowered his body. You chuckled slightly when you saw that half of his ears were still out of the water, so you quickly untangled one of your hands from his and lightly pressed on them so they were submerged too. He got up and shook his head, water droplets flying everywhere. He started laughing when he saw you put your hands in your eyes, and you couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

“Good?”

“Yes, noona, it’s good.”

“Are you ready to go a bit deeper?” His long ears perked up at your question, but his face seemed apprehensive. “Not much, we’re not swimming today, just going a bit more so you can maybe try floating.” His head moved up and down, agreeing to the idea, and you couldn’t help but think it was so cute the way his ears moved too.

You grabbed both his hands again so you were looking at each other as you slowly started to step back further into the deeper part of the pool. You didn’t rush, letting him adjust to the increasing level of the water, and only moved when he seemed comfortable. Jungkook always loved to have baths, so you figured he would love going to the pool too, especially a hot one. His smile got wider with each step, feeling more confident and safe with you. When the water hit your shoulders, you stopped and let his hands go.

“Bun, let’s try floating, ok? We’re starting small today, so you can just come closer and put your arms around my shoulders.” You said as you turned your back to him, and almost immediately you felt his arms around you. “Good! Now try letting your feet rise from the floor, let your body float a little.”

He tentatively lifted his feet, clinging to you harder as his body moved with the slow slushing of the water.

“I’ve got you, Kook,” you said as you pressed your hands to his. “I’m not letting go. Trust me, bun. Kick your feet back and put your weight on me.”

You felt him kick the water behind you, his strong arms flexing as he let his weight fall onto you. You knew the moment he started to float and enjoyed it; he pressed his face against your neck and started giggling, and when you looked at him, his nose was scrunched with happiness. His long ears were slightly facing backward, his eyes half-closed, and his little tail wiggling. You walked around the same area of the pool while he kicked his feet behind him, laughing freely as he enjoyed himself. As soon as you taught him to swim you would be taking a small holiday on the beach; you wanted to see this joy in him forever.

This moment was worth everything.

4. Make sure they are getting enough attention

“Morning, noona.”

You heard his voice, so gentle and still thick from sleep, waking up to the sound and the small kisses, his lips softly pressing against the back of your neck, his nose smelling your hair, his warm chest pressed against your back. You made an attempt to move your body but he tightened his arms around you.

“No moving yet, noona.”

“Morning, bun. What are you doing?”

“Just making sure you’re not going to leave my arms today,” he started, and you noticed his voice was heavy with emotion.

“Bun?”

He stayed quiet, hiding his face on your shoulder blades, and you did not say anything else until you felt it, until you felt them. There were small droplets of tears falling on your skin, and you turned around quickly to look at him fighting his embrace. Your hands immediately went to his face, wiping his cheeks, seeing him close his eyes and just quietly crying. Whenever he got like this, he would usually be quieter, needing to talk in his own time, so you did not ask him anything else, giving him space to let his feelings out. All you did was press your forehead against his and wipe his tears with your thumbs, and when you saw he would not stop so soon, you hugged him, letting your shirt dampen without caring about it. The moment you cradled his head against your chest, sobs started to wreck his body, making him shake and you could feel tears gathering in your own eyes. You had no idea how long you were like that, slowly caressing his hair, minding his long ears, but all that mattered was Jungkook. Slowly you felt his body starting to shake less, his hard sobs turning into small hiccups as he almost clawed at your back, needing to be closer to you.

“You’re… you’re not leaving me, right, noona?” His voice was quiet, but his question was too loud in the silence of the bedroom on a Saturday morning.

“Jungkook… no, love, I’m not leaving you,” your heart started to crackle with this question, and you pressed him against you even more. “Why, why do you think that, bun?”

He sniffled, pressing his nose against you and inhaling deeply, then said, his tone still small, “I’m feeling lonely… this past week…”

“Oh, Kook…” it seemed impossible, but you held him even closer to you, “I’ve been just too busy and exhausted from work, I know I got here yesterday and you were already in bed… I’m sorry, I’m sorry...”

He sniffled again and you felt a new wave of fresh tears wetting your clothes.

“I thought…” he started, but his voice faltered. “I thought I made you mad. I thought you were angry at me… and that…” there was a small sob that shook his entire body, “I was scared, noona, I was scared you were going to take me back.”

You could not stop your own tears from falling on top of his head; you had no idea he had felt that way. You had tried texting him during the day whenever you could have a moment for yourself at work throughout this insane week, but again and again, they demanded more hours from you and you did not have the chance to say no. Jungkook was still finding his freedom and footing in the world, and it had worried you that you had to leave him to spend more time by himself than usual. But you never expected this reaction, and you made up your mind. They could ask someone else at work, why did it always have to be you?

“No, Kook… Listen, bun,” your voice trembled, so you paused to be more stable when talking to him. “I’m so sorry you were alone this week, this is not going to happen again, I promise. And the day you came home with me I made a promise, remember? I’m never taking you back unless you want to go.”

He shook his head quickly, signaling his opposition to the idea.

“I don’t want you to go either, bun. I love you, and I’m sorry again.”

He finally looked at you, murmuring I love you too, a small smile gracing his lips. Your chest was starting to feel lighter, starting to relax after being so worried at his crying. You had never seen him like this, and you never wanted to see it again.

“What do you need from me, bun?” you said and kissed his forehead, letting your lips linger for a brief second.

“Can we just… stay in bed today? I want to stay like this in your arms, I missed you too much, noona.”

“Whatever you want, love, I’m yours.”

“I never want to leave this bed,” he whined, burrowing closer to you, and you noticed that even though his face was swollen from the tears and his voice was hoarse, his ears were more relaxed than they were before; they were tense in a way that was new to you.

“What about food? And I’m sorry, you’re not using this bed as a toilet, ok?” you tried to lighten the mood and it worked, the sound of his delightful chuckle filling the room, and you laughed along. But you understood and agreed. You never wanted to leave this bed. And at least for the day, you would only leave when necessary, needing to feel him in your embrace and carefully observe as he truly started to believe in you, leaving his worries in the past.

5. Love them unconditionally

The first time it happened was purely accidental. You were cuddling on the sofa, watching television, your hand caressing his hair when you felt his entire body tremble with such force that you stopped and looked at him, your hands away from him.

“Jungkook, bun, what… did I hurt you?”

You were worried; his arms were crossed in front of his body and his hands clasped together tightly on his lap. His doe-like eyes were more expressive than ever, open wide, his long ears were down, and he seemed to still be shivering. What had you done? You noticed there was a pink hue starting to tint his cheeks and neck and when you kept staring at him, you saw that he tried to make himself smaller. You felt tears start to gather in the corners of your eyes, fearful that you had done something to remind him of his life before, as he usually referred to the time that preceded the shelter.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook. I’m so sorry, just tell me what I did so I don’t do it again.”

“You didn’t…” he started, his voice slightly higher-pitched than usual. He cleared his throat and continued, his eyes wandering around the living room,  “you… I…”

You nodded, trying to encourage him to speak, needing to know what went wrong.

“Noona… my ears… my bunny ears, they’re, hm, too sensitive,” he said, blushing harder, and he shuddered.

Oh.

Oh. Your gaze shifted downwards, and you could see his hands were trying to conceal his erection. You licked your lips unconsciously, and his eyes seemed to get even bigger.

“Bad sensitive or good sensitive?”

He looked down at your question, clenching his hands and pressing them on his crotch, but said “Good sensitive, I think?”

You scooted a little closer to him on the couch but still did not touch him. “Talk to me, bun,” you said softly, feeling that the subject was delicate, but you wanted to know whether or not to bring it up again, whether or not you could touch him like that.

“Noona… no one ever touched them like this before, like you,” he seemed hesitant, but continued nonetheless, “you don’t hurt me. You like it, you like me, right?”

You did not think twice before enveloping him into a hug, pressing him tight against you, overwhelmed with emotions at his question.

“I love you, Jungkook. Every part of you.” You had a feeling that this was what he needed to hear. It was not often that you saw him being insecure anymore, and it tugged on your heart uncomfortably. “You don’t ever have to feel bad with me, ok? I love you,” you repeated, emphasizing, trying to comfort him.

“I love you too, Y/n,” his voice continued soft, but he looked a tiny percentage more confident. “I think… at some point… maybe…” he looked at you, and you nodded again for him to continue. “I think I might want you to touch them when we’re, you know,” he wiggled his eyebrows up and down, chuckling, and there he was, getting back to you.

You laughed with him. It was unusual seeing him this shy in talking about sex, as he was definitely not shy at all performing it or even talking about it most of the time, but you understood this was a different issue.

“Only if it will make you feel good, bun, you know I don’t want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable,” you took his hand and held it, caressing the back of it with your thumb, and he nodded.

The next time it happened was not accidental at all, and it caught you by surprise.

You were already in bed, whispering sweet nothings as sleep didn’t reach you. The kiss started innocent enough, his lips pressing softly against yours while his hands stopped at your lower back, pulling you towards his body. His tongue caressed your lower lip and you opened your mouth, deepening the kiss as you pressed your body closer to his. His leg nudged its way between yours, and shortly after he rolled over you, his underwear not able to conceal his erection and you felt it directly where you needed it as he grabbed your leg and wrapped it around his waist.

His kisses moved down to your neck, nipping and sucking, his hips subtly moving, stimulating you. You grabbed his hair as he descended, lifting your tank top, softly sucking on your nipples as his hands started to lower your panties. He wasted no time, licking your slit from bottom to top, pausing to circle your clit before putting his lips around it and sucking rhythmically as one of his fingers teased your opening, slowly moving in and out. It wasn’t long until you felt your orgasm building that your hands grabbed his hair, pulling him up and towards you.

“I want you in me,” you whispered against his lips, tasting yourself, you needed to feel him.

He nodded and quickly removed his underwear, throwing it haphazardly behind him. He moved back between your legs, lowering his body on top of yours as you crossed your legs on his waist, helping the angle. His cock started to press into you and you felt the delicious stretch, inch by inch. His thickness filled you perfectly; you could almost feel the veiny lines that adorned the underside of his cock pressed on your walls, and whenever his hips made those small sharp trusts, the upwards curve of his erection put some pressure just right where your sweet spot was.

It was sweet and slow, your mouths connected in a seemingly never-ending kiss, his hips moving without rush, the pleasure building unhurriedly and constantly, his weight on top of you heightening the feelings. You started canting your hips with his, your languid movements following his rhythm, and his hand reached to yours, intertwined your fingers. He broke the kiss, looking into your eyes as he directed your hand to his hair. You immediately entangled your fingers on his dark strands, tugging on it and he moaned, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again and stopping the movements of his hips. Before you could ask what happened, he pushed your fingers from his hair, shaking his head softly and smiling. Still staring, he lowered his head and made your fingertips graze against one of his long ears, almost a ghost-like touch. You opened your mouth in surprise and let out a loud moan at the same time, as your first touch on that sensitive part of his made him snap his hips hard once against yours.

A shiver perpassed his body, probably due to the intensity of the touch, but he looked at you and nodded, and so you did not hesitate. Your other hand went to his head too, so you could gently caress his bunny ears; he trembled again but started moving his hips, this time with more urgency and small whines came out of his mouth in between kisses on your neck. One of his hands sneaked between your bodies, his thumb circling your clit, pressing on it, needing you to get closer, the intensity of his orgasm starting to overwhelm him. You were already close, so close to it, but you wanted him to reach his peak with you.

“Can I…” you pause to moan, feeling the edge approaching, “can I touch your tail too?”

He seemed so lost in the moment that you had to repeat the question, the need clear in your voice, and upon hearing it again, he did not hesitate in moaning out an affirmation, curious to see what it would feel like. You waited until you were at the brink of the precipice, your right hand going down his body, his back. And just as a sharp snap of hips hit you just right, snapping the coil of your orgasm, your fingers reached the fluffy tail. Feeling your touch, Jungkook let out a loud shout and stopped his hips, his cock deep inside you as you felt him pulse and his entire body trembled. He fell on top of you as aftershocks still ran through his figure, little high-pitched moans leaving his lips. You were not sure how long you were like that, legs entangled, your fingers caressing his back soothingly as your own body calmed down from the intense orgasm.

“Jungkook?”

“I’m…” he moaned out, “good. We’re doing this again as soon as I have control over my body, okay?”

You chuckled and he moaned for you to stop, the tiniest of movements overwhelming his senses. The next time you giggled at a comment he made, he turned you over, pushing your upper body into the bed and hoisting your hips up, and you certainly did not laugh anymore that night.

+1: Expect to be surprised by them

You heard the commotion outside on the street and you ran out of the apartment to the front door of the small building to see what it was about, and you opened it just in time to see Jungkook stepping out of the cause of the noise.

“Bun, what’s all this?”

“Oh hi noona! Surprise!”

It was indeed a surprise. This morning you had woken up and could not find Jungkook anywhere so you assumed he had gone for a run, but apparently not. There he was standing and waving at you in front of a camper van, a huge smile on his face, his long ears perked up. You could see your neighbors, Taehyung and his cat hybrid Jimin next to him, a sheepish expression on Taehyung’s face and a smile as big as Jungkook’s on Jimin’s lips.

“We’re going camping, noona!” Jungkook said as he approached you, enveloping you into his arms. “You’ve been so tired from work and now that you have a break, I thought we could go camping and have some fun…”

“Right now?” You asked, a little overwhelmed, but starting to get excited about the idea.

“Yes! Taehyung-hyung called up this place and rented the van, we got groceries, and Jimin even helped me pick a new coat for you, noona, I know you needed one.”

You felt your eyes tear up. You were so used to taking care of Jungkook and putting him in the first place that it was strange having someone take care of you like this. But this was Jungkook, you should have expected that. The day you brought him home from the shelter, he had said he would take care of you just as much as you would take care of him. You kissed him softly, pressing him against your body, and you whispered a thank you low in his ear.

“I love you, noona. Now let’s get your things ready, we have to get going, or else Tae-hyung said he is going to play all his old records in this player he brought the entire trip,” he stated wide-eyed and clearly hinting that he definitely did not want that.

You chuckled, knowing how picky Jungkook was with everything - his food, his clothes, his music. You took his hand and pulled him into the house, waving to the other boys at the front, signaling you would be out in a minute. You quickly packed a bag with Jungkook’s help and you waited as he got his camera and equipment bag, not forgetting the aux cord, set on not letting the other boys have control over the music.

What you would find only later on that evening is that for the first night, Taehyung and Jimin would set their tent a little far from the camp, giving you two some space for the date Jungkook had planned. A bottle of your favorite wine, Jungkook cooking a simple dinner by the fire camp, the bun’s eyes shining brightly as he scrunched his nose, and his small tail wagging slowly to the rhythm of a Frank Sinatra record under the moonlight.

--

Hope you enjoyed it and if you want to read more, how about finding out about the first time bun!Jungkook went to the beach?

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

[jikookpancakes]

JIKOOK FIC RECS that no one asked for (2021)

but im giving anyway because THE TALENT IN THIS FANDOM IS INSANE

long post incoming!! this is probably just part 1 because i wont stop reading anytime soon so i’m inserting that link just in case i do make another one in the future

What’s a Soul Really Worth, Anyway? by thisneedsmorefilth - 130k words, fantasy, demon!jm, witch!jk, listen, this and the next one are my top 2 jikook fics of all time, so well-written, plot so exciting legit reads like a book, better than a lot of books tbh, the world-building is INSANE, jungkook and the gang accidentally summon demon!jimin and chaos ensue, especially for jungkook...and you know why!!!, so funny, angsty, cried so much, happy ending but listen to me: you gotta read the sequel too, YOU GOTTA.

Militat Omnis Amans: The Beginnings by edaen - 92k words, fantasy, werewolf!jk, vampire!jm, forbidden love, super slow burn but super worth it, JIKOOK IN THIS IS MY FAVORITE JIKOOK IN ANY FIC EVER EVER EVER, this is the ultimate all or nothing will freeze hell over for the other kind of love, and the way this is written is just so... how do i describe it. like you can just tell the author wanted to be very realistic with their feelings. you’ve seen the word count, this is SLOW burn. like you will legit feel their struggle to just be able to love each other and while it hurts, it’s also SO GLORIOUS. i love this one so much and if you like reading angst with happy ending but like cranked up to 200% then read this. bonus feels if you read the whole series

Until Dawn (series) by edaen - this is the long series where the previous one above is part of. highly rec if you love fantasy and you wanna read about bts being a rag tag group of supernatural beings fighting evil yay. also it makes the above fic more satisfying because you see more of jikook just being tgt and in love (with bonus angst because of course)

7 Signs by NamHyora - 27k words, secret spies au, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm who is always used as a raven in their operations aka they use jimin and his attractive self to attract people and gather information or acquire targets and all that spy stuff, and his bestie alpha jk is not too happy about it hehe, friends to lovers, iove this one so much i wish it was longer but i think the author is planning to write a sequel!

Drop Like Confetti by annie_vi - 110k words, ceo!jk, age difference, age swap, ahhh i love this fic so much cause jimin smart and mature and has this no bs attitude, and he can keep up with jk despite the age gap and the difference in status/experiences, jk sexy dilf in this one eheh, i love it cause the drama/angst tackles a very real concern for such couples, like there’s no angst just for the sake of having angst, it really makes sense where they’re both coming from, they’re so whipped for eo too so love that for me

Fold it Up Like Origami by annie_vi - 99k words, gamer!jk, model!jm, same author as above and jk is so boyfriend goals in this one and in all this author’s fics in general like wow my standards are so high now i will legit be single forever just reading jikook fics (with no regrets), secret relationship due to their celeb status, well-written as usual, dialogues/banter in this author’s fics are just YES

The Tournament by kinkmins - 34k words, prince!jm, bodyguard!jk, abo, i’ll paste part of the summary here “Prince Jimin gets ready to hold a tournament where 50 alphas compete for a chance to court him, his father the king hires a new bodyguard who is a little too blunt and a little too talkative.“, i really love this oneeeee

Screwed Up and Brilliant by annie_vi - 113k words, escort!jk, jimin needed a date for a work event and in comes jungkook, escort extraordinaire with a no sex rule and jimin is just dasdkjfhasl, a lot of that “is this real or is he just acting” kinda angst, fluff smut angst

Like Everything Glows by annie_vi - 180k words, merman!jm, aquatic vet!jk, ok this is like my 4th rec from this author just read all their fics you’re welcome, this is their first fantasy fic but soso good, i rec’d this to someone who doesn’t really read fics and she really loved it and said “their love is so pure hhh”, she’s right

Track one: I love you by honeydice - 30k words, they’re “just” best friends, lots of pining it hurts, there’s some yoonmin and mentioned past jinmin in this so just noting in case, angst, denial of feelings, siiiiigh

InYou by edaen - 4k words, pwp :), abo, the morning after jikook mating, more sexytimes ensue + fluff

Falling For You Again by Rose_gold715 - 30k words, amnesia au, jk forgets about jimin and idk just something about this hits right in the feels. btw i don’t support the jk hated jm before in real life agenda so i don’t like this fic for that reason but i like this fic because i love me some good painful angst with happy ending.

The President’s Son by AmeliaBedelia - 55k words, bodyguard!jk, president’s son!jm, jk is assigned to shadow jm bc his life is under threat, and things develop :), jm is jk’s gay awakening :) :)

A Touch of Sin by pettey - 102k words, fantasy au, police officer!jk, supernatural!jm, shamanism, LOOK AT THE RANGE OF JIKOOK WRITERS YALL, this is such an interesting concept, so different from every other fic i’ve read, really well-written, sometimes you come across fics and you cant help but go “someone out there rly blessing me with this art for free”

Tears to the Tide by haromame - 65k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, honestly there’s not a lot of abo elements it’s focused more on jungkook having ptsd as he just came from war, established relationship jikook, he comes back home to jimin and things have just... changed. except their love ok THEY LOVE EO SO MUCH this made me cry so f much ugh so good tho.

Zero Hour by edaen - 5k words, canon compliant, a little drabble based around rosebowl jikook, it’s part of a series/collection of canon compliant jikook so if you’re looking for more canon compliant here you go!!, also if you can’t tell already i tend to like several things from a single author, i haven’t read their other fics im legit saving for sad days but i am confident enough to say their other fics are also rec-worthy.

Wonder by wordcouture - 7k words, im sorry in advance, mcd :( pls take care of yourself, i don’t like sad endings ok i don’t, but this is so popular and i was like, ok let’s see what the hype is all about, i get it now, :((((((((((((((((((((, well-written tho, bc the author will manage to crush your heart in just 7k words ha ha

The Omega Revolution by PinkBTS  - 158k words, abo, alpha!jk omega!jm, dystopian au, the hunger games more specifically mockingjay vibes, angst with happy ending but there’s some...things... lost along the way and i think that’s realistic for a dystopian war au, well-written

Blind Switch - 226k words, jockey!jk, rich spoiled brat!jm, jm gets exiled to his grandparents ranch where he meets jk yeehaw, im sorry for the yeehaw, anyway fluff smut angst enemies friends to lovers hurt/comfort slow burn happy ending, all the good stuff, ugh jk so boyfriend goals, also the amount of fluff in the later chapters thank u writer

Finally by Rose_gold715 - 12k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, angst with happy ending, jikook mate out of convenience and jimin runs away from jk and his pack feeling unloved and outcasted, but jungkook goes after him :((

Park Jimin’s Guide to Good Housekeeping by Ashlyn17 - 235k words, fantasy au, when i say jikook has the best fic writers i mean jikook has the best fic writers because THE WORLD-BUILDING in this one?, THE PLOT TWIST?, yesyesyes, jungkook is a powerful fae and jimin is assigned to be his housekeeper hehe, listen my entire fic rec has several that could be great netflix shows and this is definitely one of them

A Spell That Reminds Me of Your Name by Chimneycricket - 42k words, wizards!au, enemies to friends to lovers and the development felt natural, well-written plus the author sometimes makes art of their fics and other jikook fics and posts on twitter, both their fics and art are so good, i’ve heard good stuff about their other fics too :)

that’s it for now!

just a quick one about my preferences: idc about tops/bottoms, i read just about anything but i prefer fantasy and multi-chaptered fics, i love established relationship jikook so hmu with recs anytime, i don’t like reading anything with cheating and mcd, i love fics where jk and jm are just so friggin in love they are just IT for eo, and at the end of the day even if there are elements to the fics i wouldn’t normally read, as long as they’re well-written then i’m all for it

[weezlbot]

Ok I’m sorry for this but... people Elrond has cried out for in the space between waking and sleep, an analysis

I promise I’m not trying to make Elrond a sad little mippy man but this thought literally will not leave me alone

Elwing

Only when he was little

After a few years with Maglor and Maedhros, this mostly stopped

Maglor and Maedhros

Once his subconscious wraps itself around the fact that he, in all probability, won’t ever see his mother again, it clings itself to Mags and Mae. Mostly Maglor, because Maedhros is frightening/has his own terrible nightmares, but he’s shouted for both of them.

This still happens. Celebrian isn’t too fond of the Feanorians, but she respects that Elrond loves Maglor and Maedhros, and she doesn’t have the personal resentment that her mother does, so she’s able to put up with it when they bed together. 

Elros

This was worst around their parting, and then again after his death. It’s not frequent anymore, but Arwen making Luthien’s choice reopened the wound somewhat. 

Gil-Galad Ereinion

Their relationship wasn’t as much parent-child as it was older brother-younger brother imo, but Elrond still viewed Gil-Galad as a protector from what I’ve seen. I really want them to be close ok

This was extremely embarrassing the first time it happened because Gil-Galad overheard him (being High King gives one a touch of insomnia, which can lead to a bit of nervous pacing) and came in to make sure he was okay

Gil-Galad secretly found this very endearing, but never found a way to tell him this without being patronizing or strange, so he never did. He took this to the grave with him. 

Celebrian

This started after her torment

He somehow managed to hide this from her until after they were reunited in Valinor

The first time Celebrian heard it she cried

She didn’t know she meant so much to him that he would have nightmares about her leaving him/getting hurt

Like she knows he loves her, but she didn’t quite know how much

(headcanon time, Elrond loves very very deeply but doesn’t fully express it all the time)

Galadriel

Celebrian didn’t stop laughing for something like half an hour, she had to get Glorfindel to help Elrond calm down

Galadriel lightly teased him for it, but was truly, deeply honored by this

This is tangential, but I read a cute Elrond/Celebrian fanfic (I don’t remember the name or the author, it was on AO3 and it was around 5k-10k words but I don’t remember more than that, so so sorry) and it featured a scene of Galadriel comforting Elrond/stroking his hair when he was injured and shaken from battle and it really got me on the “Elrond and Galadriel having a soft parent-child relationship” train. 

Arwen, Elladan and/or Elrohir

He has a repeating dream where he finds Arwen, Elladan and/or Elrohir badly injured and dying and he can’t do anything but hold them as they fade

He always wakes up crying for them

He tries to avoid waking Celebrian because the one time he told her about it she cried too and god, it kills him to see her cry

BONUS:

Celebrian has woken up crying for Elrond, and Elrond just cradles her, crying silently as he lies by her in the night

Galadriel has taken to occasionally checking on them to make sure they’re both okay. Her, Glorfindel, Erestor and later Celeborn--Celeborn isn’t as close with Elrond but he loves Celebrian and respects her love for Elrond because of that

[hesperantha]

rack ‘em up

Summary: It’s just a friendly favor.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Rating: Explicit

Genre: Idol!Au. PWP, friends to FWB. A little fluffy. Specifically fat reader inclusive.

Words: 5k

Warnings: alcohol consumption, awkward attempts at flirting, dirty talk, slight accidental voyeurism, body worship, nipple play, very soft power dynamics (sub JK), tittyfucking, cum eating. Jungkook is absolutely obsessed with your breasts. No feels here, folks.

AN: Part of the Berlin collection, but can be read as a stand-alone. Shout-out to @iniquitouspoppy​ and her freckles that I definitely did not know about.

Berlin: wallflower | my love | hall pass | cactus | knockout | hedgehog | rack ‘em up 

He doesn’t mean to say it, but three and a half glasses of wine in, and you’re perched on the side of the table lining up a perfect shot with your tongue poking out the corner of your mouth, eyes focused on the ball at the end of your cue —

“I wanna fuck your tits.”

All your focus vanishes in a flash, the cue hitting the side of the ball and spinning it harmlessly across the table.

“Oh my god,” you cackle, “you know you said that out loud, right?”

“Said what?” he asks innocently, wide eyes getting impossibly wider.

“You said you wanna — shit, Kookie, I can’t even say it.”

“I said no such thing!” he argues.

“Did I imagine it?”

He takes another gulp of wine, then spends a solid 30 seconds lining up his shot before answering as cooly as he can. “Did you just admit you’re thinking about me fucking your tits?”

“I never!” you scoff indignantly. “Why are you messing with me so much tonight?”

“It’s fun. You’re cute when you’re flustered.” He sinks his four in the corner pocket and turns to survey the table. He nudges his six but doesn’t quite make the shot. 

You see a perfect opening, but you’re going to have to reach for it. Hopping back up on the edge of the table, you swivel at the waist, shoulders down. You steady the cue, aiming carefully, and give it a few tentative thrusts to make sure you’ve got the right amount of force behind it before —

“They are perfect tits,” he sighs as you miss the shot. “Thanks for making sure I always have such a great view.”

He has you there. After two months of painting his face, your delicate fingers tracing feather-light touches over every pore, adding careful color and shadow, you started catching him looking. It was nothing much at first, just a stolen glance here or there, but you retaliated with a button left undone, a bra with just the right hint of lace, and yesterday’s coup de grâce, a spritz of new perfume directly along your décolletage. In spite of - or maybe because of - his slight preoccupation with looking down your shirt, things had gotten friendly and easy between you two. Still, you had expected him to at least ask you out for a coffee before he dove right off the deep end into tit fucking.

“I do my best,” you say. “Your shot.”

He circles the table, trying to calculate the most efficient way to ensure victory. “You do more than your best. They’re amazing. I have never in my life seen tits like that. You know my favorite part?”

“I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”

“That one freckle. The one on the left. I want to be best friends with it.”

He takes the shot, using one of your balls to sink his six into a side pocket, efficiently positioning the cue ball to easily slide the eight into the corner and end the game.

“Did you know there’s a freckle on the right one too?”

You caught him just as he took another sip of wine, and he splutters trying to contain it.

“I want to be friends with that one too, then. Maybe not best friends. We need to get to know each other first. Can you introduce us?”

“Introduce you to the freckle on my right tit? I think that can probably be arranged.”

He swirls the remaining wine in his glass thoughtfully. “So, like, now? Or should I rack ‘em up again?”

“How about I introduce you now but you can plan to become friends later.”

“Ugh, ok. Later when?”

“I think we have another free night in a couple of days. In Berlin?”

“I thought that was still weeks away, but it’s so hard to keep track sometimes,” he sighs. 

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s Amsterdam then straight to Berlin. Two shows and a night off.”

“We have tonight off, why not now?”

“If you had asked me a bottle ago, I might have given you a different answer.”

He groans dramatically. “A bottle ago I wouldn’t have said anything!”

“Exactly,” you say, taking a seat in one of the lounge’s leather armchairs and crossing your legs primly. “But you said it, and I know you said it. No take-backsies.” You swallow. “I’m not saying no. Just not now.”

“So you’d really let me do it?”

You tap your finger to your jaw, enjoying watching him squirm. “We’ll see.”

“I still get the introduction though, right?” he asks hopefully.

“C’mere.” He sets down his glass and kneels beside you. “No touching,” you warn. “This is a formal introduction only.”

You undo the top two buttons on your blouse and pull the right side down. The cream lace of the edge of your bra comes into view. His eyes are wide and focused, even though he’s gripping the arms of the chair with some force.

“Do you want to guess where it is?” you tease. “You can point.”

He closes his eyes and draws a circle with his index finger, coming to a stop aimed at a spot just right of center, even with your nipple. You pull down your bra to reveal the spot to him, showing an expanse of smooth, monochromatic skin.

He shakes his head. “I was so sure I had it right. I like that spot, though. That’s a really good spot. Can I have a minute with it?”

You roll your eyes, feigning annoyance as he stares reverently at the inside third of your right breast. “You good?” you ask eventually.

“Yup. All good. Can I guess again? I think maybe here.” He points to a spot at the very bottom.

“Cheater,” you grouse. “Think you’re going to see the whole thing just like that?”

“It was worth a shot,” he shrugs.

“I admire the effort. But it’s here.” You slip the strap of your bra off your shoulder and tug the cup down and slightly out, revealing a freckle right next to the crease along the edge, close to your armpit.

Jungkook takes a shaky breath. “Hello friend,” he whispers. “I’m pleased to meet you. I think we’re going to get along very well once we get to know each other.”

You let him stare for a few minutes before pulling your bra strap back up and re-buttoning your blouse. “Now that you two have met each other, I think you’ll have a lot to talk about next time.”

“So there’s going to be a next time?”

“Oh, I think there’s a good chance.”

“Promise?”

“Pinky swear,” you say, offering out your little finger.

“How about we seal it with a kiss instead?”

“Oh, you think you’re smooth, don’t you?”

He grins wide, nose scrunching adorably. “Well, it was worth a try.”

“You really want me to kiss you, Kook?”

“Yes, please. I mean, if you want to. Do you want to?”

You want to play it so cool, but the whole time he was staring at the freckle on your right tit, you were staring at the matching one right under his lower lip, thinking about how much you’d like to lick it, so ‘cool’ has pretty much gone out the window. “Yeah, I’d be ok with that. I mean, I do want to. A lot.”

He’s still kneeling in front of you and closes his eyes expectantly. You lean forward slowly, making sure your cleavage and its accompanying spritz of perfume is close enough that he’ll smell it, even this late in the day with most of it worn off. You wonder if he’ll open his eyes if you make him wait long enough. He doesn’t, though, even though you can see his fingers twitching, fidgeting with the side seams of his jeans. 

You lean in and brush your lips against his, just the faintest hint of a kiss. 

And he makes a noise that absolutely wrecks you. It’s a tiny little sigh of a whimper, and you’re not even sure he noticed he made it. You want it again, but louder. When you lean in again, you let your lips linger against his longer, still soft and tentative, offering just the faintest hint of what could be.

A low whistle from just outside the lounge doors breaks the spell all too soon. You glance over just in time to see a pair of mischievous eyes disappear from the crack between the double doors.

Jungkook’s eyes fly open as you yell “Taehyung! How long have you been there?”

“I saw nothing!” he yells back, but the unmistakable Jimin-giggle from the hallway tells you otherwise.

“Oh my god, guys,” groans Jungkook. “Can you please not?”

“Ok, ok, we’re leaving,” says Taehyung. You listen to the shuffle of footsteps retreating, and cringe when you hear Jimin commenting “I’d give my left nut to lick a pair like that” and Taehyung responding “Isn’t it kind of stingy to offer up the smaller one?”

“I heard that!” you yell after them.

Jungkook is still kneeling on the floor, but instead of the look of abject mortification you expect, he’s hiding a huge grin and his shoulders are shaking with silent laughter.

“They’ve been teasing me about you for weeks,” he confesses. “Jimin caught me staring and wouldn’t let me live it down. He said I’d never actually do anything about it so I should just knock it off.”

“Well, in that case I’m glad you proved him wrong. Even if it took a little liquid courage.”

“So you really meant it about the — um.”

“Yeah, I really did. I’d be down for it, if that’s what floats your boat.”

“I never have before, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“You might hate it,” you warn.

“Yeah, but on the other hand it might be the best thing that ever happens to me.”

“Do you really like them that much?”

“Holy shit, yes. So fucking much. So very fucking much.”

You hesitate for a minute. “Can I ask you something? Do you like me, or are you just in love with my tits?”

“I like you. I think you’re super cool — I mean, obviously. Most girls would have just laughed their asses off at me. But you’re a no-pressure kind of friendly. Is it okay if we keep this a no-pressure, friendly kind of thing? At least for now.”

“And see what happens, yeah?”

“Yeah, I think that would work.”

“It would work for me too,” you agree. You consider teasing him about calling you ‘super cool’, but decide against it.

“Why do I feel like we should shake hands and exchange business cards?”

You stand up, pantomime handing a card, and offer a very stiff bow. “It’s been a pleasure doing business with you, sir. I look forward to our future success!”

The next few days fly by, a swirl of planes and busses and another hotel and periods of frantic work every night before and during the shows. You barely get to talk, and certainly not alone, but there’s some eye-fucking. You’d consider it pretty high quality eye-fucking, actually, complete with meaningful lip biting and a hint of tongue. It’s enough to make sure you have no chance of forgetting your upcoming definitely-not-a-date.

The third day in Berlin, there’s just a morning interview and a press photo and then time off until the flight to Paris the following evening. After the interview there’s just enough time for touch-ups before the photos. Shoulder to shoulder with dozens of other people, you lean forward and whisper in his ear “What are you thinking about?”

His face lights up, eyes sparkling. “I think you know. Later? I mean — if you’re still — I made sure to get a single.” It isn’t unusual. He told you the only time they choose to share a hotel room is when they want to work on something together or are feeling weirdly nostalgic. Still, this time you know he was thinking about you and it sends a thrill through you. 

“I’m still game. What number?”

“3327. Eight?”

“Which is it? 3327 or 3328?”

“No, I mean eight o’clock. Room 3327.”

“Okay, that’s clear. I’ll put it in my journal.”

You can only see it because you’re so close when a blush starts to creep across his cheeks. “Um, what’s that note going to look like?”

Leaning close and pretending to move an errant strand of hair, you whisper “I’m going to write ‘8 o’clock: let the hottest man I’ve ever met cum all over my tits’.”

You hear him swallow, then clear his throat.

“I have to go have my picture taken now,” he hisses.

“Mhmm. And you look good,” you say, taking a step back to get a good look. “You always do.”

Jungkook makes a horrible pouty face, throwing his head back in mock-anguish, apparently no longer caring if anyone is watching the two of you.

“Hey,” Jimin pipes up from the next chair over. “What about me?”

“What, is everyone going to expect me just to hand out compliments now? Ugh, you all look great.”

They all head out, and you’re free to clean up your kit and head out. You don’t want to admit it to yourself, but you’re nervous. Part of you thinks that it’s all a joke, but a much bigger part really hopes it isn’t.

By noon — not that you’re checking — you’re grabbing a quick lunch with the other girls. 

At two — not that you’re mentally counting down — there’s time for shopping and you’re giving serious consideration to new lingerie. 

Purchased, according to the bank alert you get about the surprisingly large foreign amount — not that you noticed the time — at 2:08. 

When you get back to the hotel at four — not that the hours are ticking by at a snail’s pace — your roommate changes and heads out with the rest of the girls for a celebratory dinner, leaving you alone in your room. 

It’s an awkward amount of time. Not enough to go do anything, but too much to avoid getting nervous. You order room service and shave your armpits, then consider shaving everything else but decide against it, reasoning that things probably won’t go that far. You read a spicy fic and hope no one ever sees your history and flip through the channels on the tv for a while. 

At seven — and you definitely had an alarm set just in case time somehow got away from you — you rip the tags off your new lingerie and stuff yourself into it. It isn’t the best fit; there’s a little spill-over, but it seems appropriate for the occasion. After quickly touching up your makeup, you get dressed in jeans and a fitted v-neck tee. This is casual and friendly, you remind yourself. 

And at 7:58 — you checked twice — you’re looking up and down the hallway on the top floor and doing a quick but vigorous shake of your hands to release some nervous energy and walking to room 3327.

You knock.

Jungkook opens the door and immediately goes wide-eyed. “Um, just a second,” he whispers.

“Oh shit! Is someone else in there?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t get rid of him.”

“Uh,” says Yoongi as he slouches around Jungkook to leave the room without throwing so much as a glance in your direction. 

“I’ll meet you at the bar later!” calls Jungkook. Yoongi just raises a hand in a half-hearted gesture that could be a “sure you will, kid” or possibly a “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Your heart is hammering in your chest when you ask “aren’t you going to invite me in?”

He scrambles to step out of the doorway, formally gesturing you in. It’s cute, you think. You might be nervous, but he’s visibly rattled and you decide on the spot that you want to see how far you can push it.

“Still good, yeah?” you ask. You just need to hear it confirmed, to make sure you aren’t about to humiliate yourself in front of your friend and coworker. 

“Absolutely 100-percent still good. Is it weird that I’ve been thinking about this literally the entire day?”

“Not weird,” you reassure him. “Flattering, but not weird. And to be honest, I’ve been thinking about it too.” It eases some of the tension, confirming that you’re on the same page. 

“Specifics?” he asks hopefully. “Like, what were you thinking this would be like?”

“Hmm, I was thinking I want to see if I can get you to beg for me. I think I’d like that.”

“Oh,” he says quietly. “Oh, okay.”

It boosts your confidence a notch, so you continue. “And that noise you made when I kissed you? I’ve given that a lot of thought. And I’ve decided I want to hear it again.”

“You’re going to have to kiss me again for that to happen.” Some of his characteristic cocky attitude returns, but you aren’t expecting him to make the first move. 

“I’m okay with that. Sit.”

He sits down on the side of the bed. 

“Are you going to do everything I say? Just like that?”

“Yeah, I think I probably am. I mean, I’m used to it — ‘Jungkook, close your eyes. Jungkook, turn to the left. Jungkook —‘“

“Jungkook. Scoot back so I can sit on your lap and kiss you now.”

“Okay.” He wiggles back until his calves hit the side of the mattress. “Is this good?”

“Let me check.” You straddle his thighs, upright on your knees so your cleavage is as high as possible, positioned where he will no doubt look directly down your shirt. “Yes, I think this will work.” Situation assessed and hint dropped, you sit down on his lap.

He looks expectant, but also like he isn’t sure where to put his hands. You know where you want yours, though, and plan them on his chest, relishing the feel of hard muscle behind the thin fabric of his shirt before you lean forward and kiss along the sharp angle of his jaw. No noises yet, but his hands are on your ass now, so that’s progress.

“Kiss me right,” he demands.

“Oh, so you’re the boss of me now?” you tease back. But you do. You kiss him the way you’ve been imagining it, soft and slow. And there it is. That sound you were waiting for. Not quite a hum, almost a whine, airy and high and needy. His grips your ass a little tighter, tongue sliding along your lower lip, and you pull back, determined.

“You’re getting ahead of yourself, don’t you think?”

“Sorry. You’re just really fucking hot. I — ugh — I don’t want to be gross about it but you kind of drive me crazy a little bit.”

“It’s mutual,” you reassure him. “The thing I said earlier? I meant it. You are honest to god the hottest man I’ve ever met.”

“I can’t believe you think about me that way.”

“Why? I thought you’d be used to it.”

He shakes his head. “Not up close. Never up close.”

You feel the mood slipping and don’t want to let it. “Am I close enough now?”

It’s enough. He smiles and gives you a loud, playful smack of a kiss. “Well. You could be closer.”

“Do you want to take my shirt off?”

“God yes. Can I?”

You nod and he reaches for the hem of your tee. “Go ahead,” you encourage. 

You feel a little self conscious, sitting astride, wondering if he’s analyzing the curves of your waist and belly. But then — he takes a slow, shuddering breath, rapt and reverential. 

“Holy shit,” he whispers. “Holy fucking shit they’re amazing.”

“Tell me what you like about them.”

“There’s just so much. Like they can’t be contained. This bit — I like this especially much.” He points to the line of cleavage where they’re pressed together.

“Lick it.”

He slides his tongue into the tight space between your breasts. It’s tentative at first, just a taste, and you guide him with a hand on the back of his head until his nose is buried and you feel the slide of hot, wet muscle across smooth, soft skin. His eyes have been closed, but he opens them when he comes up for air, gazing at you through shaggy fringe. “I wouldn’t be mad at all if I died like this,” he says. “I mean, I know I theoretically need air, but it just doesn’t feel important.”

You feel his eyelashes flutter when he presses his cheek against your right breast and hums in contentment. 

“I want you to do something for me,” you say. 

“What?”

“Stay right there and keep your hands on the bed.”

You get off his lap and make yourself comfortable standing on your knees in front of him. It should make you feel smaller, you think, but instead you feel powerful, confident and a little dangerous. 

While he watches, you unhook your bra and let the straps slide down your shoulders. Holding the cups to your chest with one arm, you reach up to wind the other one around his neck and pull him down toward you for another kiss. This time you feel his lips parting and the groan that comes out is even better than the whine that came before. Needier. Less restrained. You need it again and get it when you scrape your teeth along his lower lip. 

Slowly, you wiggle your arm out from between your breasts and his body, pulling the bra with it, letting the full weight of them rest on his knees.

You keep your other arm around him, holding him tight when you whisper into his mouth “look down. There’s a present for you.”

His eyes are closed tightly, like he doesn’t dare open even though you told him to. “I can feel them,” he says. “Oh god they’re so close to my dick - I’m so sorry about the boner.”

“I’d be really sorry if you didn’t have a boner. That’s kind of the whole point, you know?”

He grins at that, eyes still closed. 

“Am I going to have to tell you twice? Look.”

He looks down, takes in the expanse of skin and soft, round flesh, licks his lips and zeroes in on your nipples. 

“I think those freckles are happy to see you again. How about you say hello.”

“Can I touch?”

“Yes, you can touch now.”

Slowly, gently he skims one fingertip down from your shoulder and to the freckle on your left breast. 

“Hi, friend,” he says to it. He looks back up. “I want to kiss it. Can I kiss it?”

You nod, and he leans down to brush a feather-light kiss over it. “And the other one?” he asks before going ahead and making friends with the freckle on the far side of your right breast as well. 

Suddenly, he sits back up straight. “Oh? Oh! There’s another one! You didn’t tell me!”

“I thought I’d give you a little surprise. Like a present.”

“More? I mean — the rest of this is present enough.” He shakes his head like he can’t really believe his luck, even though nothing much is happening. Yet.

“Jungkook,” you say quietly.

“Mhmm.”

“Take your clothes off. I wanna see.”

Quickly, obediently, he pulls his shirt off. You’ve seen him without it before, during rushed wardrobe changes, when he’s hunched and self-conscious. There’s none of that now, and you get to take your time taking in all the hills and valleys and planes of his body. You don’t even wait for him to pull his pants off before your hands are back on him, taking it in, absorbing the experience through fingertips and palms. You can practically feel the buzz of electricity through your hands, and you hear his breathing quicken when you skim over his nipples.

“Talk to me,” you say. “Don’t hold back — tell me what you like.”

“That. I like that a lot.” He closes his eyes, head thrown back, anticipating.

So you do it again and again until you can tell he’s trying to control his breathing, trying to slow it down. And then you pinch, not hard enough to hurt, but with increasing pressure until the dam breaks and a whine that sounds a lot like your name slips out.

“Can I — ?”

“Can you what? You need to ask for what you want.”

You can see the outline of his cock through his loose sweatpants, and you’re really hoping he’s about to ask to take it out, because you’ll say yes to that right away.

“Can I touch myself? While you do that.”

Now it’s your turn to take one of those deep, shaky, needy breaths because that mental image goes directly to your cunt. “Yes, but only when I say so.”

He stands up — awkward with you still kneeling in front of him — and pulls off his pants and briefs, then sits back down on the bed with his hands once more at his sides, now balled in tight fists like he’s afraid he’ll lose control of them.

Leaning forward again and doing your best to ignore the very pretty dick standing at attention in front of you, you pull him into another hard kiss, letting your tongue slip past his teeth until it finds his. You can’t feel his hands on you, and wonder if they’re sneaking up to his lap. You run the backs of your knuckles lightly across his right nipple and he groans into your mouth. 

“You can touch now,” you whisper. “Just wrap your hand around and show me you can hold it without jerking.”

And then you get to see his tattooed knuckles wrapped tight around his hard dick, and watch as a bead of precum leaks out and slips down into his fist. 

“You’re doing so good,” you whisper in his ear. “So fucking hot.” You kiss the sensitive skin behind his earlobe and squeeze the nipple you just touched so gently, adding pressure until his hips threaten to lift off the bed to fuck into his fist and then immediately let go, only to take hold of the other one and do the same.

“Want me to let you jerk off right now?”

“Nghh. Yes — I need to. But this is so good.” There are beads of sweat forming along his hairline now, the effort of holding back starting to take its toll. 

“I’m going to take my hands off you now,” you warn. “Just for a minute. Don’t move until I say you can. And loosen up before you break something,” you add with a grin. 

As soon as your hands are off him, his eyes fly open and he watches while you pull a tiny bottle of lube out of your pocket, warm from being wedged right against your body. 

“Is that for —?”

“Mhmm.”

“Oh god.”

You flip the cap open and drizzle a stream onto the head of his dick. It runs over his fingers, shiny and tantalizing. 

“Please,” he whispers. “Can I please…”

“Yeah. Slow. Let me see.”

You can’t take your eyes off him when he starts to drag his hand up and down the length of his dick, wrist flicking every time he gets to the head. He’s making little “unh” noises each time, lost in it. 

Spreading his legs wider, you shuffle forward on your knees. “Let go,” you whisper. 

There’s no denying it’s a little awkward, knees on the hotel carpet, elbows out to the sides, but it’s so worth it when you squeeze your breasts around him, completely engulfing him, and he lets loose the most desperate groan you’ve ever heard. He drives up into the tight, slippery space between them. 

Pressed in close, you realize you’re at nose level with his chest. It feels like the only right choice to flick your tongue over his nipple, and you just wish you could reach both—

“Jungkook. Do you think you can hold them for me?”

“Uh. Uh-huh.” He slows down his thrusts, looking at you curiously, then places a large hand on either side. “Why?”

“I just wanna make you feel good. You’ll let me — be good for me, right?”

“Mmm, yeah. I’ll be good. Tell me if it’s too tight, don’t wanna hurt you.”

“You won’t, but if you do I’ll let you know.”

He adjusts his grip, heels of his hands now a little further back, and pushes both sides in. The space between them, already tight, gets impossibly tighter. He uses the extra leverage to fuck between them harder in long, sure strokes. 

You can see his abs tightening on every up-stroke, soft whines and grunts turning into moans. You can tell he is, but you ask “Are you close?” anyway.

He nods, too lost to answer coherently. That’s your cue to take hold of both nipples, twisting and pulling harder than before. 

“Jungkook,” you say. “Cum on my tits.”

With a final drawn-out groan, he does. His cum fills your cleavage, still pressed tight, and pours out over the rounded tops of your breasts, over his hands. He’s panting hard, and as he starts to catch his breath and get more coherent, it becomes a string of whispered “oh fuck. Oh my god. Fuck fuck fuck, holy shit.”

Slowly, he eases his hands off of you, grimacing a little at the mess. 

“You doing ok?” you ask. 

He nods. “Fucking amazing. I want to look at this forever, though. Can I — ?”

Before he finishes the sentence, he’s darting down and licking his own cum off your breasts. He realizes you’re still kneeling on the floor and pulls you up, almost tosses you onto the bed, and keeps lapping while you throw a hand over your mouth to hide the ridiculous grin you know is plastered across your face. 

Once he’s satisfied that you’re clean, or at least that he has thoroughly replaced one objectionable bodily fluid with another, slightly less objectionable one, he starts kissing down your belly.

“Is this ok?” he asks. “I know it wasn’t part of the business arrangement, but can we amend the terms?”

“Can you be more specific?”

He sits back on his heels, cracks a cocky grin, and takes a deep breath. “I propose an amendment whereby I get to lick your pussy and make you cum on my face and/or fingers. Options open for further amendment at a later date, with the possible addition of mutually enjoyable activities, pending assessment of —“

“Oh for fuck’s sake. Yes. Please.”

[broadstbroskis]

the wedding date | morgan rielly

a/n: well first things first, i’m gonna give a shoutout to myself, because i started this fucking thing back in august and it’s finally completed (that’s right, it took me 7 months to write just under 5k, shhh, it finally came together). 

anyway, since i started this back in august, you can tell i’ve had this idea for a while. it’s morphed and changed a bit but the basic premise has stayed the same- you go home with morgan for a wedding and everyone thinks that you’re the girl he’s been dating for the last few years- so i hope you all enjoy! (also i’m sorry i suck at titles but like i’m not)

a special shoutout to these lovely people who have listened to me whine about this at any point over the last SEVEN MONTHS and some fellow mo lovers because you’re all amazing and i love you, @denis-scorianov, @brockadoodles, @danglesnipecelly, @laurenairay, @hockeyboysiguess

-----

When Morgan approaches you, with what you’ll later learn is only his first attempt to ask you something, you don’t even give him the chance, really. “Hey, what are you doing this summer?”

“Not you.” You quip back, grinning cheekily, ignoring the barks of laughter from Matthews and Marner beside him.

“Haha.” Morgan deadpans, but it’s busy that night at the bar, Saturday night after a Leafs win, and you’ve really got to get back to work now that you’ve finished serving them, so you’re already walking away from him.

The second time it happens is a Friday night, a few weeks later, when you’re out with some friends for the first time all semester. It’s late enough that you’re feeling just on the right side of tipsy, you’re drunk enough that you know you’re going to go home with the guy you shouldn’t, and you’re okay with both of those things. 

At least, tonight you are. Tomorrow morning will be a different story.

And then, Morgan stops you at the bar. “Hey.”

“Hey!” You grin back...and then it slowly fades as he just hems and haws. “What’s up?”

“I-” He blows out a frustrated groan.

Your eyebrows raise. You’ve known Morgan for years now, since his first season with Leafs had been right about when you started working at the bar for some extra cash after realizing just how expensive school was getting and grad school would be beyond that. You’re not sure you’ve ever seen him at such a loss for words. “Alright, well if you can’t think of it now, get back to me later, okay?”

“Wait-” He says, so you give him a minute or two, but there’s still nothing.

“Ok, I love you, but this is my one night out before my dissertation is due later this spring.” You tell him, reaching out for a hug. “You have my number and you know where to find me.”

“Ok.” Morgan smiles a little. “Have fun tonight.” And then you slink away from him, back in the direction of your friends, ready to let loose one last time before the craziness sets in.

The night that Morgan finally gets his question out is a quiet one in the middle of the week. He settles himself into the corner, doing his best to be discrete with a hat covering his face. By the time you and your coworker get everyone settled with drinks and you make your way over to him, he’s caught the attention of one older man, who immediately walks back to his girlfriend when you arrive at Morgan’s section of the bar.

“Well finally.” He’s free of all teammates, a rarity but not unheard of, especially this late in the season. “What’s a guy gotta do to get some service around here?”

“Oh sorry!” You tease. “Did I interrupt something here? Did you want me to call that guy back up so you guys could finish up?”

He flattens you with a look. “Don’t you dare.”

You giggle, leaning down against the bar in front of him. You know how much he loves the Toronto fanbase, but as playoffs approach, the fans are becoming more vocal and more forward with their thoughts. “You want another drink?”

He looks down at his glass, contemplates for a minute, and then nods, so you return quickly with a new beer for him and then smile as you watch him take a large gulp of it. “So what’s new?”

“Ehh loaded question.” He says cryptically. You give him a look. “But hey, you’re here on a Wednesday! You done with your...dissertation?” He trails off hesitantly, smiling at himself when you nod.

“Yup. I should know next week if I’m all clear.”

“And then?” He prompts.

“And then you can call me doctor, asshole.” You tease.

“I mean, Dr. Asshole isn’t what I would have gone with as my first choice, but if that’s what you want…”

“Morgan!” You laugh, ducking your head at the lame joke.

He’s grinning when you meet his eyes again, pleased as always that he could make someone laugh. “But seriously, that’s awesome! I’m excited for you.”

“Thanks.” You grin.

“What’s your next step then?”

“Umm I get to start researching infectious diseases for money.” You tell him excitedly, since you’d accepted a job with the University of Toronto’s medical research facilities. “But it doesn’t start until August.”

You’d expected Morgan to tease you about your excitement of infectious disease-something he and his teammates (among many other people you know) have done multiple times before-but instead, he perks up and says, “So you’d be free, on say, the weekend of July 8th?”

“Why?” You ask suspiciously. Experience has told you not to immediately say yes to this.

Morgan sighs. “Look. I need a date for a wedding back home that weekend.”

“And I’m the best you could come up with?”

“Best?” Morgan repeats. “You are funny, you’re pretty, you’re a doctor, all of which, frankly, puts you well out my league.”

“You’re not wrong.” You agree cheerfully, which puts the smile back on Morgan’s face, as you’d hoped. “But that doesn’t explain why you’d need a date to this wedding.”

The smile fades quickly and you wince. “I was supposed to go with Laura.”

You frown. “What happened to Laura?” Last you’d heard, the two of them were solid. Really solid. Headed for a wedding themselves, solid.

“She wasn’t who I thought she was.” He says flatly.

You wince. “I’m sorry, Mo.”

He shrugs. “It’s over and done with now.” You send him a reassuring smile. “So will you come?”

Well, there’s really no way you can say no now and not feel like an asshole. “Sure.”

The grin returns to his face. “Knew you’d come through for me.”

-----

Morgan rolls up to the airport in Vancouver to pick you up in a very fancy looking Jeep, a far cry from the sporty Porsche he drives in Toronto, and you call him out on it immediately. “I see how it is. You go home and you’re a fancy country boy, not a fancy city boy?”

He laughs. “Fuck off.”

“Gladly.” You tell him, grinning teasingly. “Drop me off at departures, will ya?”

His tone immediately turns serious. “Thank you. Seriously. Thanks for coming.”

Your smile remains on your face, still beaming over at him. “It was nothing, Mo.” It wasn’t, really, and you both know it. You’d quit your bar job a couple weeks early because of this, but you were happy to do this for him. He’d been down about Laura, down about being bounced from the playoffs again. This spring had been rough on him and you were more than happy to do your part to cheer up one of your closest friends.

Morgan hmms, in a way like he’s pretending to be casual about it, but he changes the subject as he switches lanes to pull onto the highway.

-----

Morgan has a whole itinerary for the next few days, prior to the wedding, but promises he’ll take you around to some of his favorite spots before you leave late next week. A quiet night tonight, dinner with his parents and brother tomorrow, and then the wedding stuff began the following day.

Much like his fancy Jeep, his fancy house in Vancouver is also nothing like the condo he owns in Toronto. You wouldn’t go so far as to say that his condo is...edgy, but it’s pretty modern? The house here in Vancouver is larger, sure, but reminds you a lot of the house you grew up in...or well, a larger and fancier version of it.

“Gonna give me a tour?” You turn to Morgan, who’s standing next to you almost awkwardly, as you look up at the beautiful house in front of you. Your bags are still in his hands, and you nudge his arm playfully, reaching for one, but he won’t let you grab it, smiling back at you as he starts to lead you in.

The inside is just as nice, and even though it’s clear that his mom and interior decorator have done a lot of work on it, there’s still a lot of Mo touches too. Each one makes you smile, the ones he points out in his tour and the ones that he doesn’t, until he finally leads you upstairs, dropping your things in one of the spare rooms. “Did I-“

“If the next words out of your mouth are say thank you, I’m walking out of this house.” You warn him.

“-ask what you want to do for dinner tonight?” Morgan finishes lamely and you laugh.

“That sushi place you always hype up?”

Morgan smiles. “Anything you want.” He says, and then, instead of the thank you that you know he wants to say, he pulls you in for a hug and squeezes tightly, before letting go. “Change and we’ll go?”

“Shower, change, and we’ll go.” You correct, dying to get the feel of airplane off you. “45 minutes.”

Morgan looks at you knowingly. “Sure, uh huh.” He says, nodding like he knows it’ll be much closer to an hour, an hour and fifteen, and you laugh, shoving at his shoulder before he makes you want to stretch it out to an hour and a half on purpose.

-----

Morgan’s parents might be the nicest people in the world, but they’re also a little...odd? Like, you’re not trying to be mean, because just like Morgan, they truly are the absolute sweetest, but, like, they just keep smiling at you with this knowing smile, like they know something that you don’t and it’s just...weird.

But they welcome you with open arms, when the two of you show up to dinner on your second night in town, hugging you just as tightly as they hug their own son, maybe even tighter than they hug the son who still lives in the same province as them. 

“We’re so excited to finally meet you!” Morgan’s mom gushes, once you get settled in their kitchen with a glass of wine, which at least explains the weirdness a little. “

“You guys too.” You admit. You’ve heard so much about them, his parents and brother, over the years of friendship with Morgan; it’s nice to finally put faces to names, to stories. “Thanks for having me tonight.” Next to you, Morgan nudges you, a grin on his face. You can practically hear him. Stop saying thank you, like you’ve been saying to him for the past day. 

“Oh stop!” She says, practically in time with his nudge. “Morgan tells us you’re a doctor now!” It’s said with pride, like you may as well be one of her own children who’s done something great.

“Yeah!” You smile, swirling the wine around a little, and then, because you don’t want there to be any confusion. “Not that kind of doctor; you should still call 911 if something happens.”

His dad laughs and his mom beams. “What kind of doctor then?” His dad asks, and you spend a while talking with his parents about epidemiology and your dissertation- his mom, it turns out, works in a similar field, and it isn’t long before the two of you are rolling your eyes about some research that just came out.

“What?” You ask Morgan, laughing, when your conversation breaks out, and she has to go check on dinner, at his dad’s request, before he burns it all entirely.

“I just forgot how excited you get about infectious diseases.”

“Can’t believe you’ve been out here this whole time knowing that your mom and I both exist and haven’t introduced us.” You announce. “The rudeness, the hearsay.”

“I don’t think that’s how that word’s used.” Morgan cackles.

“Oh, sorry, are you a doctor?”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with knowing how that word is used!” He protests, laughing.

You ignore him. “If you even think of keeping her from me when they come to Toronto…”

He wraps his arm around your shoulders and squeezes. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

-----

“Are you ready yet?” Morgan calls, and you take one last look in the mirror on the wall, smoothing the pleats in your dress. “We’re going to be late!”

“But it’s gonna be worth it!” You sing-song as you descend the stairs to meet him in the living room.

“Is it ev-” He cuts off abruptly, eyes wide and swallowing visibly as he cuts off. “Wow, okay then.”

“Worth it.” You wink at him, brushing past him to grab your purse. 

Morgan’s laughing as he picks up his keys, this soft and gentle thing that you can’t help but smile at. “Yeah, I should’ve known it would be.”

“You’ll know better for tomorrow!” You tease, and breeze past him to get in the car.

The ride to his cousin’s rehearsal dinner isn’t far, spent mostly laughing as you keep switching the station from anything Morgan changes it back to. By the time you arrive at the restaurant, you’re both giggling as you enter, flagged down almost immediately by Morgan’s mom.

“Look at you two!” She gushes.

“Mom.” Morgan says dryly. “Come on.”

She smiles at him indulgently. “Make sure you say hi to your cousin.” 

“Yeah, of course.” Morgan nods, grabbing your hand to pull you away. “Just after we hit the bar.” He mutters and you giggle.

His cousin, the bride, and her husband-to-be seem to have the same idea, and it’s just as you’re turning away, wine glasses in hand, that you nearly run into them.

“Oh!” Ashley beams excitedly, once Morgan introduces you. “Hi!”

“Congratulations!” You return the excitement. She’s so bubbly and bright; it’s easy to do, even though you don’t know her. “You guys look so great tonight; you’re going blow us all away tomorrow.”

“She’s going to blow me away tomorrow.” Dylan jokes, but you can tell by the twinkle in his eye that he’s entirely serious.

“Oh stop.” Ashley knocks his arm. “And you too,” She gestures at you. “You look amazing! How’d you do your hair like that?”

“This?” She nods and you walk her through it quickly; it’s a look that’s so much more simple than it looks and she’s gasping by the time you’re done. 

“Ok, mhmm.” She nods. “I’m getting your number from Morgan later so you can go over that with me again because I’m definitely going to forget.”

Morgan flicks a piece of your hair. “It’s a hairstyle, what could you possibly forget?”

You and Ashley exchange a look. “I got you.” You reassure her as you both laugh at him.

“Men, honestly.” She shakes her head, as Morgan and Dylan protest, but then before you and Ashley can talk any more, she and Dylan are being called away, and there’s promises for you all to catch up tomorrow at the wedding.

“You can’t have her phone number unless you promise not to talk about me.” Morgan says.

“Fat chance.” You tell him. “But nice try.”

From there, you start making your way back to his parents, stopping off to chat quickly with relatives he recognizes (and once, ducking purposefully into a small crowd to avoid an aunt he doesn’t want to see). You feel like it shouldn’t be surprising how nice his family is, given how genuine Morgan is, but each person you meet welcomes you so warmly, with kind words and open arms. 

“You must talk about me a lot.” You tease, as you two start making your way to your table.

Morgan shrugs. “More than I’d realized apparently.” You cackle and he laughs; it’s familiar and easy, but then you’re easily distracted by the appetizers coming to the table and fighting Morgan for extra of your favorites-also familiar and easy.

-----

It’s another morning of Morgan waiting impatiently for you, being rewarded with his gaping jaw dropped, and teasing him the entire ride to the wedding, before he easily gets his revenge when you tear up at the ceremony.

“You don’t even know these people!” He nudges you forward toward his cousin in the reception line right after the ceremony. “And you’re going to cry like that?”

“It was a beautiful ceremony!” You defend. You’d been right yesterday; Ashley had easily blown everyone away from the moment she’d entered the room. Their vows were incredible; you didn’t understand how anyone wasn’t crying.

Morgan snickers, nudging you forward again. “God, what do you do at weddings you actually know the people at?” He pauses as you both step closer another, like the idea has just come to him. “Oh man, what are going to do at your own wedding?”

“Bawl my eyes out, obviously.” You say dryly. “Tell my future husband to bring tissues.” You move up, next in line for Ashley and Dylan. “You clearly didn’t get the message.”

“What’d you do?” Ashley pokes him; you guess whoever was in front of you was a guest she didn’t know all that well because they’ve moved along pretty quickly.

“Me? I’d never.” Morgan says innocently, ducking down to kiss her cheek.

“I’m just giving him a hard time.” You agree and she grins, shocking you when she pulls you in for a hug. 

“He probably deserves it.” She says cheerfully.

“Wow, I see family loyalty goes a long way here, huh.” Morgan deadpans.

Ashley gives him a look. “Not for much longer, I guess, though?” She nudges him.

“Oh I see how it is, you’ve been married for all of five minutes and suddenly Dylan’s family is better than ours?” Morgan teases.

Ashley blinks. “That is...not how I meant that at all.” She says, but before she can say anything else to you, the couple behind the two of you starts sighing impatiently, and you all realize how long you’ve been talking for. You quickly congratulate her and then move along to Dylan as well, before stepping out of line and moving towards the reception area.

The bridal party was quick to get the reception started after the ceremony, so when you and Morgan make your way over, there’s already a decent sized group chatting and drinking. You both grab drinks from the bar and make your way to a group of his cousins, chatting for a while and laughing along as they’re sure to include you in all of their jokes.

When it comes time to start making your way to your table for dinner, you excuse yourself to the bathroom quickly, running into Morgan’s grandmother when you’re there, who had the same idea as you it seems.

She lights up when she sees you fixing your hair in the mirror, stepping up to wash her hands. “It looks great.” She assures you and you smile, thanking her. “Are you having a good time?”

You nod, following her out so the two of you can make your way back to the reception. “Such a good time! Everyone’s been amazing and Ashley and Dylan are beautiful; it’s been a great weekend!”

“It’ll be great to be all be here again,” Morgan’s grandmother smiles at you and you return it politely. “Next summer.” She adds, like an afterthought, and you shrug. She’d know better than you what the upcoming engagements look like. You can barely remember the names of the people you’re seated with tonight.

“If Morgan brings me back then.” You throw her a finger gun and she laughs-loudly.

“Oh, you’re a trip!” She nudges you gently, laughing. “Such a doll. Let’s get another glass of wine together before we go back, shall we?”

“I will never say no to that.” You’re pretty sure you still have a couple minutes to spare before you need to sit down. 

His grandmother links arms with you. “My kinda gal.” She beams and her smile is contagious, just like Morgan’s is when he’s really happy, so it’s not hard to grin along with her as she tugs you along for another glass of rosé.

-----

The evening’s winding down- the wedding long over and the after party beginning to do so as well. Almost all of the older relatives have made their way home or to their hotel rooms but there’s a few sloppy cousins and friends still going hard (you’ve got some serious concerns how the one groomsman is even going to make it upstairs). Ashley and Dylan keep stealing glances at each other, like they’re wondering if it’s late enough for them to sneak away yet, but each time they look like they’re going to, someone calls for another toast.

Morgan nudges you. “Hey.” He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a couple cigars. “Outside with me?”

You think about it for a second. Usually, you love a good cigar-and you’re sure that Morgan’s managed to acquire a good one- but tonight? “Not really in the mood, but I’ll come out.”

He grins, a little crooked, and offers his hand to help you up from the couch the two of you have been sitting on. Outside, the weather is beautiful, one of those crystal clear nights with a light breeze where you feel like you could be outside for hours. He lights the cigar while you continue to sip at your wine, the two of you standing in comfortable silence, until the door opens again.

“Cigars without me?” His brother grumbles. “I see how it is now.”

“Yup, just left you behind on purpose.” Morgan says shamelessly, but he’s already pulling the spare out of his pocket and handing it over.

“Unsurprising.”

“Yeah?” Morgan asks, amusedly. “Why’s that?” 

His brother gives him a look, and then, when Morgan doesn’t react, looks over at you, but you just shrug. “Just promise you won’t forget about me once you pop the question.”

You choke on your drink; Morgan looks just as shocked, the cigar halfway to his mouth. “What?” He says finally.

For the first time, his brother looks unsure. “I think...we all just thought...once you brought her home, that was the only thing holding you back?”

“Oh my god.” Morgan says breathlessly.

“I’m not-” You add helplessly. “We’re not-”

“Oh.” His brother winces. “Wait, so you’re not…” He trails off and the silence between the three of you becomes so thick it’s almost palpable. You don’t know what to do, what to say. What he even means. “You’re not together?” He says finally, sounding like he’d rather be anywhere else, doing anything else.

You can relate. You shake your head slowly, notice Morgan’s doing the same out of the corner of your eye.

“Um.” His brother continues. “And-and you haven’t been-together?” Another head shake. “Wow. A lot of people are going to be very disappointed.”

“A lot of people?” Morgan repeats. “Who...who all thinks this?” But you don’t need an answer to know and apparently, he doesn’t either. The silence thickens somehow; you didn’t think it was possible. 

“Um.” His brother’s already backing away, even as he speaks. “I’m gonna go now. Before I say anything else to make this worse.”

He’s gone before you can tell him you’re not sure that’s possible, leaving you and Morgan in the loudest silence you’ve ever experienced. 

It’s abundantly clear Morgan feels it too, from the way he won’t even meet your eyes, will barely even look at you, actually. And there’s so much to say here, but well, “You never brought Laura to meet your family? Never let them meet her at home?” Apparently, they really weren’t as serious as you’d thought.

Morgan laughs hollowly, finally meeting your eyes. “That probably should have been a clue, huh?”

“A little bit of a red flag.” You agree. It’d been how many years? Morgan’s tight with his family, that much you knew before you’d come out here and only became clearer as you met them. “Why...why didn’t you ever introduce them?”

Morgan sighs. “I think-I always knew something wasn’t right. And I just didn’t want to admit it?” He sighs again. “I shouldn’t have brought you into this.”

“You didn’t know.” You tell him gently. “And I wanted to come.” You remind him. “I was happy to!” You pause for a second. “I was happy to come across the country to a wedding with you and your family with barely a second thought. So maybe we both need to re-examine what happened here this weekend.”

“Maybe we don’t.” Morgan says simply.

“What?” You frown, confused.

“You were happy to fly across the country for a wedding with me and my family.” Morgan repeats, with a small smile on his face. “And then you come here and meet my entire family, and they think I’m ready to propose to you, because you're the girl they hear me talk about all the time.” Your jaw drops-is he saying...what you think he’s saying-and his smile grows into a grin. “I think this thing between us has been more than either of us have been able to admit because we’ve had other things going on- school or hockey or-”

“Other girlfriends?” You supply teasingly, when he trails off, like he’s afraid to mention her name.

He nods. “There’ve been other boyfriends, too.” He nudges you, just as teasing.

“There have.” You admit, because it’s not a lie, but none of them have ever worked out, for a variety of reasons, but you can’t help but think, that now that he’s mentioning it, Morgan might have been a part of those other reasons.

He’s back to smiling again when he continues, leaning against you slightly. “I think we owe it to ourselves to see what we could be.”

You lean back against him. “You do, do you?”

“I do.” He nods.

“Little early for that, don’t you think?” It takes a second for your joke to land, but once it does, he cracks up and it brings a smile to your face. 

“We are at a wedding.” He grins, nudging you playfully. “Who knows, maybe someday it’ll be ours?”

-----

a bit in the future

It’s one of those beautiful sunny days where the sun is shining with a light breeze where you feel like you could be outside for hours. 

Unfortunately, you’ve got a huge project due at the end of the week, so while Morgan’s been enjoying the lake all day, you’ve been sitting at a table on the dock, staring at your laptop, tapping away at your keyboard, and ignoring his increasingly annoying calls for attention.

It’s harder to ignore when he comes up next to you, wrapping his wet arms around your shoulders. “Morgan.” You try to shake him off. “Come on, gimme like ten minutes and then I’ll come in.”

“Promise?” He asks.

“Yes.” You say because if you can get this one last thing done you’ll be ahead of your goal for the day.

It works; Morgan sits down next to you quietly, scrolling through his phone for a bit, and then, jumps up and runs inside the cabin, and you jump on the opportunity of quiet to get ahead even further, losing yourself in your next bit of project.

“Hey,” Morgan says casually, and it scares you a bit, his return far quieter than he’s been all day. “What are you doing the weekend of July 8th?”

“I don’t know, that’s like a year away!.” You snap, turning to tell him to stop annoying you, only for your jaw to drop when you see him down on one knee.

“Want to get married then?” He says, a twinkle in his eye and a grin on his face, like he’s been waiting for this reaction, like it was everything and more.

“Oh my god! Are you serious?” He slips his hand into his pocket and pulls out a ring; you gasp. “Morgan!”

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes, oh my god, yes!” Your computer long forgotten in the face of an engagement ring, you throw yourself at Morgan, who catches you easily, like he was prepared for this. He probably was. He knows you better than anyone; he’s your best friend and so much more. He barely manages to slip the ring on your finger before you’re kissing him. “I love you!”

“I love you, too.” He grins. “Are you sure you’re ready to take this jump with me?”

“Of course!” You beam, but it hits you just a minute too late. He’s already jumping in the water. “You’re the worst.” You sputter out at him, purposefully spitting lake water at his face. 

He doesn’t even look like he minds. “For better or worse.” He grins.

“That’s not what that’s referring to!” You splash him and he splashes back but before it can devolve into a full on splash attack, he’s pulling you into his arms.

“I mean it though.” He says, kissing you again. “And I’ll tell you again, next summer, at our wedding.”

Our wedding. The words sound almost unreal, too good to be true. “I’ll be the one in white.” You promise. “Or, well, maybe ivory.” You say and it’s hard to kiss Morgan then when he’s laughing so hard.